Public Knowledge

His priority did not seem to be to teach them what he knew, but rather to impress upon them that nothing, not even… knowledge, was foolproof.  – J. K. Rowling

Public Knowledge:

1.  Roger Clemens wants to state clearly and without qualification: “I did not take steroids, human growth hormone or any other banned substances at any time in my baseball career or, in fact, my entire life.  Those substances represent a dangerous and destructive shortcut that no athlete should ever take.”  Maybe it’s just me, but this reminds me an awful lot of Rafael Palmiero’s finger wagging at the Congressional Hearings.  “I have never used steroids.  Period,”  Palmeiro said.  “I do not know how to say it any more clearly than that.”  I did not have sexual relations with that woman. 

2.  Chris Simon breaks his own record.   New York Islanders forward Chris Simon was banned for 30 games, drawing the longest suspension in modern history.  Breaking his own record of twenty-five games.  Simon has been suspended for the crosscheck to the throat of Peter Popovic.  Simon has been suspended for the elbow to the head of Anders Eriksson.  Simon has been suspended for the knee to Sergei Zubov.  Simon has been suspended for the crosschecking and subsequent pummeling of Ruslan Fedotenko.  Simon has been suspended for the slash of Ryan Hollweg across the face with a stick, Juan Marichal style.  Now, Simon stomped on the foot of forward Jarkko Ruutu as Ruutuu lay on the ice.  When is enough enough?  When do you just throw this cat out?

3.  Pete Rose thinks players who use steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs are “making a mockery” of baseball.  I object, your honor!  This trial is a travesty.  It’s a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham.  Best hitter in our lifetimes:  Barry Bonds.  Best pitcher in our lifetimes:  Rocket.  Most hits ever:  Pete Rose.  Talk about a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham.  What next?  Ted Williams’ head admits to HGH use?  I’m trying to find the light at the end of the tunnel.  I really am.  I’m trying, but it sure is hard.

4.   Rest in peace, Don Chevrier.  The original television voice of the Toronto Blue Jays.  Canada mourns that ”great, wonderful booming voice that you could hear no matter where you were.”  -Don Duguid

5.  Isiah Thomas and Rick Pitino.  Think about it.

6.  Guess who’s back?  Back again?  After a 28-year vacation, the immortal Peter Puck is returning to television as part of Maple Leaf broadcasts.  Mr. Puck became an overnight success after his television debut in 1974 on NBC and Hockey Night in Canada.  He gave tips on hockey.  He gave simple explanations of the rules and regulations.  His impish delivery endeared him to millions of fans everywhere.  Welcome back Peter!

7.  Wow!  The Big Tuna!  The Big Kahuna.  Bill Parcells said that he likely will accept the Atlanta Falcons‘ offer to become the team’s vice president of football operations.  Great move by the Falcons.  Great move.  This is the kind of spontaneous publicity, your name in print, that makes people.  I’m in print!  Things are going to start happening to me now.  Things are going to start happening for the Falcons now.  One question.  Now that Big Bill is in charge of all the groceries down in Hot ‘Lanta, how long does he tolerate the likes of DeAngelo Hall?

8.  Congratulations Josh Cribbs.  Congratulations on making it to the Pro Bowl.  I love return men.  I love Devin Hester the very bester.  The pound your chester.  The bullet proof bester.  I loved Billy White Shoes.  I loved David Megget.  I love Josh Cribbs.  Undrafted out of Kent State.  Stop, hey, what’s that sound?  Everybody look what’s going down.  Look at Cribbs leading the NFL with a 30.9-yard kickoff return average.  Look at Cribbs bringing two back to the hizzy.  Look at Cribbs leading his team with eighteen tackles on special teams.  Look at Cribbs the Browns’ all-time leader in kickoff returns and yards.  Look at Josh Cribbs going bowling.

9.  No Penguin dancing in Pittsburgh.  Not the way those cats are playing.  Uninspired play continues to plague the Pens.  This was a team that was supposed to be the cream of the crop.  Evgeni Malkin.  Sid the Kid.  Marc Andre Theury.  Disappointing. 

10.  Funny, Ray Lewis doesn’t look Jewish.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

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