Public Knowledge

Now here we go dropping science, dropping it all over.  Like bumping around the town like when you’re driving a Range Rover.  -Beastie Boys

Public Knowledge:  

1.  I guess I gotta do it.  Like I always knew it.  Like I was Greg Pruitt.  Greg Pruitt in that tearaway.  Like he didn’t careaway.  Sorry, I digress.  Barry Bonds.  Barry, you got some ’splainin’ to do.  Is any of this a surprise?  Does it really change anything?  This slow morphine drip of steroid issues we’ve been being fed since Jose Canseco’s Juiced came out has just numbed us.  Nembutal numbs it all.  But I prefer… alcohol!  Has numbed us to the point where it just doesn’t matter.  And even if we win, if we win, hah!  Even if we win! Even if we play so far above our heads that our noses bleed for a week to ten days; even if God in Heaven above comes down and points his hand at our side of the field; even if every man woman and child held hands together and prayed for us to win, it just wouldn’t matter because all the really good looking girls would still go out with the guys from Mohawk because they’ve got all the money!  It just doesn’t matter if we win or we lose. It just doesn’t matter.  It just doesn’t matter.  It just doesn’t matter.   Barry’s the big fish.  A Mekong giant catfish.  But there are plenty of other fish swimming around.  Some we’eve netted, some we’ve thrown back, some who have gotten away.   For most of us, Barry Bonds’ home run record was already tainted.  When Bonds is found guilty we will hear the cries to strike Bonds’ home runs from the record books.  Others will cry about everybody else who was using or what a goldigger Kimberly Bell is.  Now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger.  But she ain’t messin’ wit no broke niggas.  Me?  I’m just numb.   

2.  So A-Broad is Yankee again.  It makes sense.  The Bombers were willing to pay Rodriguez the 275 mil before all this brouhaha.  Brouhaha?  Ha ha ha!  A-Broad is laughing all the way to the bank.  But he wanted to be a Yankee.  The Yankees wanted him to be a Yankee.  So here he is.  A Yankee. 

3.  Jake Peavy wins the Cy.  My oh my.  The Dixe Cannonball.  Like my main man Steve Erkel always says:  “Anybody got any cheese?”  Jake Peavy gots himself some cheese.  Cheese if you please.  Cheese more mind boggling than Parkinson’s disease.  Jake has some cheese all right.  High cheese.  Hard cheese.  100 miles per hour cheese.  Sharp like cheddar.  He pitches better.  Better than all the rest.  Unanimously better. 

4.  I thought you said the Bulls were all that.  I thought you said the Bulls could win the East.  I thought you said are you all right, Spider.  I say, these Bulls are soft.  I say Big Ben Wallace better get his stuff together.  Less defensive rebounds than Kurt Hinrich and Madison Square Gordon?  I say Hinrich better find his handle.  Better find his touch.  I say these Bulls are in trouble.  Big trouble.

5.  Check out Zeke.  Back peddling, mealy mouthed Zeke.  Pencil neck geek, grit eatin’ freak.  Scum suckin’, pea head with a lousy physique.  He’s a one man, no gut, losing streak.  Nothin’ but a pencil neck geek.  Zeke plays hardball.  Marbury benched.  Marbury jets.  Marbury comes back.  Marbury plays thirty-five minutes.  Knicks lose fourth game in a row.  Vecsey says Zeke could be fired as soon as tonight.  I hope not.  I hope Isiah doesn’t get fired.  I want to keep watching the dead man walking, deer in the headlights freakshow.  It couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

6.  Have you seen this Derrick Rose kid play yet?  The Memphis Tigers point guard?  If you haven’t you should.  This kid is an ath-uh-lete.  Think Dwayne Wade.  Think Gary Payton, without the douchbaggedness.  Think special.  ‘Cause I, gonna make you see.  There’s nobody else here.  No one like me.  I’m special, so special.  Fast like lightning, very very frightening.  Dazzling dunker.  Slam dunk da funk.  But he’s a leader first.  A true floor general.   A pass-first point guard with excellent court vision.  And, he plays defense.  Tough as nails.  Leaves it out on the floor every time out.  Every time out.  This kid has it all. 

7.  Rest in peace Joe Nuxhall.  No one in modern baseball history has played in the majors at such a young age 15 years, 10 months, 11 days old.  He got two outs against St. Louis before losing his composure, then went eight years before pitching for the Reds again.

8.  Ha ha ha!  So much for your golden boy.  So much for St. Derek.  Everybody’s favorite shortstop cheated New York out of millions in taxes by claiming he lived in Florida when he really was living it up in Manhattan.  Should five per cent appear too small, be thankful I don’t take it all.  ‘Cause I’m the taxman.  Yeah, I’m the taxman.  The taxman is going after the All-Star slugger for three years’ worth of back taxes and interest. 

9.  Mercury drives Suburu.  Mercury loses his damned mind:

10.  I still can’t get over the fact that the Patriots own the 49ers draft pick.  How would Jake Long look in a Patriots uni?  How about Glenn Dorsey?  Chris Long?  Darren McFadden?  Decisions, decisions.

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

Need More? Mercury Morris, Random Notes