Yo back up now and give a brother room. The fuse is lit and I’m about to go boom. Boom! Shake-shake-shake the room. Tic-tic-tic-tic boom! -Fresh Prince
OK, here we go! The Boomer. The shake the roomer. Like Mazda, the zoom zoom zoomer. Like Arnold, it’s not a tumor. Unable to obtain a proven starter, Dem Bums addressed their beleaguered pitching staff woes by reaching a tentative contract agreement with free agent David Wells. Great move by the Dodgers. Great move. Why not take a flier out on this cat? They ain’t out of it yet. Just two and a half back in the Wild Card standings. Hey, he may not be a world beater anymore. He may have given up twenty-six runs in his final 16 2/3 innings with the Padres. He may have ended up with a 5-8 record and a 5.54 ERA. He may have done all that, but this guy can still find the strike zone.
He’s a three-time All-Star who led the American League in wins in 2000. No small feat. He has 235 victories in a 21-year career. Just one shy behind Whitey Ford for 12th all-time among left-handers. But most importantly, most importantly, he pitches big in big games on the big stage.
I’ve had enough, I’m getting out. To the city, the big big city. I’ll be a big noise with all the big boys. Big time. So much larger than life. Larger than life in twenty-seven postseason games. Larger than life winning an American League Championship Series MVP Award. Larger than life with World Series rings from both the New York Yankees and the Toronto Blue Jays. He’s been there. He’s done that. He can do it again. And know this sports fans. He’s coming cheap. Very cheap. The Dodgers are required to pay only $80,000 of the $1 million left on his guaranteed contract, with the Padres picking up the rest. What a bargain! Nobody beats the Wiz! Especially when you consider Jason Schmidt, who made just six starts, hasn’t pitched in more than two months and left-hander Randy Wolf has been out since the first week of July.
The Dodgers have trotted Brett Tomko out to the mound. The Dodgers have trotted Mark Hendrickson out to the mound. The Dodgers have trotted rookie Eric Stults out to the mound. They even trotted left-hander Hong-Chih Kuo out there before he went down with elbow surgery. Why not trot out the Boomer. Why not trot out a guy with a perfect game under his belt. With a skull rattling hangover, yet. Why not trot out a strike throwing machine. Why not trot out a money pitcher who’s the most money in the moniest of games. You’re so money and you don’t even know it! You know what you are? You’re like a big bear with claws and with fangs. Why not send out this big bear with claws and fangs. Why not try and win a pennant?
Public Acknowledgements: LA Times, Kindergarten Cop, Peter Gabriel, Seinfeld and Swingers
Peace out homies. Six Two and Even!
Need More? David Wells,Los Angeles Dodgers,MLB
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