If the Lord is my friend, we’ll meet at the end of the gunfight at O.K. Corral. There they lay side by side. The killers that died in the gunfight at O.K. Corral. -Johnny Legend
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! At San Diego Dragway! Jake Peavy, the Dixie Cannonball vs. Josh Boom Boom Beckett. As great a pitching match-up as you’re gonna see. As great a pitching match-up as there could be. Better than the Battle of the Coral Sea. Wyatt Earp vs. Ike Clanton. Jesse James vs. Bob Ford. John Wesley Hardin vs. Wild Bill Hickock. Pat Garret vs. Billy the Kid. Well, he never traveled heavy. Yes, he always rode alone. And he soon put many older guns to shame. And he never had a sweetheart. And he never had a home. But the cowboy and the rancher knew his name. The cowboy and the rancher know the Dixie Cannonball’s name. The cowboy and the rancher know Boom Boom Becket’s name. They know their game. Understand their fame. The cowboy and the rancher know these names too:
Tom Brady vs. Peyton Manning: Talk about your gunslingers. Walking down the road with a pistol in your waist. Johnny, you’re too bad. You’re just a robbin’ and a stabbin’ and a lootin’ and a shootin’. You’re too bad. Tom Brady’s too bad. He’s got the hardware. Cover of Vanity Fair. Tough as a big ole bear. Sorry, Stephen Colbert. Peyton Manning’s too bad. That guy’s pretty good. If you like six-five, 230-pound quarterbacks with a laser rocket arm. This is the NFL match-up that beats all the others. I salute you my brothers. Who’s better? It’s the best sports debate we have. It transcends sport. It rivals Ginger vs. Mary Ann. It rivals Locke vs. Jack. It rivals Superman vs. Batman. Rivals them, and beats them. Hands down. When these two guys square off, a nation watches. Are you ready for some football?
Sidney Crosby vs. Alexander Ovechkin: The future is now! Yes. Yes. I’m George, George McFly. I’m your density. I mean… your destiny. These cats are the NHL’s destiny. The Next One. Alexander the Great. No one cares about the Penguins. No one cares about the Capitals. But when these guys meet on the ice, it’s something special. You’re so fuckin’ special. I wish I was special. But I’m a creep. I’m a weirdo. What the hell am I doin’ here? I don’t belong here. Ovechkin belongs here. Crosby belongs here. Just like The Great One and Super Mario belonged here. Since you were rookies, an NHL nation turned their lonely eyes to you. Woo hoo hoo. Woo hoo hoo. Number one draft picks in the 2004 and 2005 drafts. They have flourished from day one. Crosby is on the better team. As long as Ovechkin is on the Caps, he may never see the post season. But whenever these two men are on the rink at the same time, it feels like Stanley Cup action. Game on!
Lebron vs. Kobe. Only first names needed. You can Nash me. You can Disco Dirk me. Heck you can even Big Fundamental me. But when these super heavyweights go mano y mano, it’s electric. Boogie woogie, woogie! Some say it’s mystic. You can’t resist it. You cannot resist the King James/Mamba match up. Just cannot. What these two cats do on the hardwood is just sensational. Sweeping the nation-al. Lets hear it from the whole congregational. Can I get an Amen? Can I get a witness? We witnessed Bron-Bron single-handedly take a mediocre team to the NBA Finals. We witnessed Kobe Bean light it up night after night. Oh, what a night. Hypnotizing, mesmerizing me. She was everything I dreamed she’d be. Sweet surrender, what a night! I know, I know. Five players on the floor functioning as one single unit: team, team, team – no one more important that the other. I know, but I don’t care. When Mr. James and Mr. Bryant meet at the old ball yard, you know you’re gonna be hypnotized. Mesmerized. Tantalized. Captivated. Devastated. Fan-tastic!
Will these match-ups equal Bird/Magic? Lemieux/Gretzky? Ali/Frazier? Elway/Montana/Marino? Clemens/Stewart? Chamberlain/Russell? Only time will tell. Only time will tell.
Public Acknowledgements: Billy Joel, Jimmy Cliff, Sprint, Gilligan’s Island, Lost, DC Comics, Back to the Future, Radiohead, Simon & Garfunkel, Marcia Griffiths, Frankie Vali, Coach Norman Dale and, of course, the Beastie Boys.
Public Spectacle:
Peace out homies. Six Two and Even!
Need More? Alexander Ovechkin, Boston Red Sox, Cleveland Cavaliers, Deadwood, Indianapolis Colts, Jake Peavy, Josh Beckett, Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Los Angeles Lakers, MLB, NBA, NFL, NHL, New England Patriots, Peyton Manning, Pittsburgh Penguins, San Diego Padres, Sidney Crosby, Tom Brady, Washington Capitals
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