But don’t forget who’s taking you home and in whose arms you’re gonna be. So darlin’, save the last dance for me. -The Drifters
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! Move over Eck. Move over Goose. Move over Mariano. Move it on over. Won’t'cha rock it on over. Move over cool dogs, a hot dog’s movin’ in.
Trevor Hoffman’s moving in. Moving in front of the line. Moving in front of the closer conga line. Come on shake your body baby, do the conga. I know you can’t control yourself any longer. Trevor Hoffman can’t control himself any longer. Trevor Hoffman feels the rhythm of the music getting stronger. Just got his his 500th save. Five hundred! Yowza! Hell’s Bells! Hells bells, you got me ringing. Hells bells, my temperature’s high.
Hell’s Bells, he already has the Major League record. Hell’s Bells, he already has seventeen saves this season. Hell’s Bells, he already has the most devastating change up in all of baseball. A disgusting, foul, rank, nauseating, repulsive palm ball. He uses the same arm speed he uses to throw his fastball. Mugs think it’s a fastball. It sure looks like a fastball. It sure smells like a fastball. It sure tastes like a fastball. But it ain’t a fastball. It’s a Bugs Bunny change. Watch me paste this pathetic palooka with a powerful paralyzing perfect pachyderms percussion pitch. Yerrrr out! I’m out? That’s what the man said, you heard the man…!
Now Trevor has done it. He has just become the first player to ever hit 500. Ever. Rollie Fingers didn’t do it. Lee Smith didn’t do it. Sure times have changed. I understand the present now will soon be the past. The order is rapidly fading. The first one now will later be last. For the times, they are a-changing. But I also understand Mariano won’t do it. I also understand no other active player is even remotely close. You should understand he probably is the most underrated player in baseball today. You should also understand he will immediately go into the Hall of Fame. He will not pass go. He will not collect his two hundred dollars. He will retire as the best closer of all time. You better recognize! And dat’s de end.
Public Acknowledgements: George Thorogood, Gloria Estefan, Baseball Bugs, Bob Dylan and Monopoly.
Public Spectacle:
Peace out homies. Six Two and Even!
Need More? MLB, San Diego Padres, Trevor Hoffman
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