Josh Q. Public. For the public, by The Public. Irreverent sports opinion from a Bostonian in New York. The one blog to read, when you are reading more than one. » Read More
By: josh q. public on: Friday, June 29, 2007 @10:56 am
It might feel good, it might sound a little somethin’, but damn the game if it don’t mean nothin’. -Public Enemy
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! Hey you gabronies, do you smell what the Celts is cookin’? Sure smells good. Ooooh that smell. Can’t you smell that smell?
Smells like playoffs baby, playoffs. Ray Allen. The rootinest tootinest shootinest guard in the West East. The best jump shootinest guard in basketball. Jump shooting threes at forty percent clip. I was shining my nine, you know how I do. I got a fully loaded clip, I be on that shit. Ray Ray be on that shit.
Seven time All-Star who just fills it up. Kills it up. Thrills it up. Thrilled it up for fifty-four last year against the Utah Jazz. Thrilled it up two years ago putting himself in second place on the NBA’s list of all-time three-point field goals made in a game. Thrilled it up again in ‘06 breaking Dennis Scott’s ten-year-old NBA record for three-point field goals in a season by sinking 268. Thrilled it up in ‘01 by becoming theNBA All-Star Weekend Three-point Shootout champion. Did I mention this cat can shoot. His shot poetry in motion. Mmm, but it’s poetry in motion. And when she turned her eyes to me. As deep as any ocean. As sweet as any harmony.
He’ll be playing in harmony with Big Al and the Truth. With Sugar Ray, Big Al and the Truth, the Celtics are going to score some points. A plethora of points. A plentitude of points. A profusion of points. Preposterous points. More points than you can shake a stick at. More fun than a barrel of monkeys. Roll out the barrel. We’ll have a barrel of fun. Roll out the barrel, we’ve got the blues on the run.
Yup, we got the blues on the run all right. On a playoff run. And the fact that Theo Huxtable Ratliff’s expiring contract is still on the books tells me they ain’t done yet. She looked at me with them brown eyes and said: You ain’t seen nothin’ yet. B-B-B-Baby, you just ain’t seen n-n-n-nothin’ yet. Here’s something that you’re never gonna forget. B-B-B-Baby, you just ain’t seen n-n-n-nothin’ yet. The Boston Celtics, repaving the path to glory.
Public Acknowledgements: He Got Game, Rocky Maivia, Lynyrd Skynyrd, 50 Cent, Thomas Dolby, Bobby Vinton and Bachman Turner Overdrive.
By: josh q. public on: Thursday, June 28, 2007 @4:40 pm
Meredith Vieira proved a worthy adversary for Vince McMahon on this morning’s “Today” — questioning the WWE honcho’s stance that steroid use had nothing to do with Chris Benoit’s grisly double murder-suicide:
By: josh q. public on: Thursday, June 28, 2007 @4:14 pm
Pick me up when dreams are shattered. When false friends cannot be found. For you know I’ll still be waiting. Pick me up on your way down. -Patsy Cline
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! Boston Celtics Draft Day. It’s finally here. The new phone book’s here! The new phone book’s here! I’m somebody now! Millions of people look at this book everyday! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity, your name in print, that makes people. I’m in print! Things are going to start happening to me now. Things are going to start happening for Greg Oden. Things are going to start happening for Kevin Durant. But will they start happening for the Celtics’ fifth pick? Here’s a look at five Celtics’ picks that things certainly did not happen for:
Michael Smith: 13th pick in the 1989 draft. BYU Cougars. Rise and shout, the Cougars are out along the trail to fame and glory. Not this Cougar. Not Michael Smith. Played a measly two seasons with C’s before getting released. Played a measly two seasons before toiling away in Spain. The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain. I think she’s got it! I think she’s got it! Michael Smith didn’t have it. And to think, Boston could have had Tim Hardaway, Baby Daddy Kemp, or even Blue Edwards. My daddy left home when I was three, and he didn’t leave much to ma and me. Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze. Now, I don’t blame him cause he run and hid, but the meanest thing that he ever did was before he left, he went and named me Blue. The meanest thing the Celtics ever did was draft Michael Smith.
Kedrick Brown: 11th pick in the 2001 draft. Upside, upside, upside. Kedrick Brown was the poster boy for upside. Upside down, boy, you turn me. Inside out, and round and round. Upside down. Drafted out of basketball powerhouse Okaloosa-Walton College. Big hops. Huge hops. Mad hops. Oh, I’m happy when I’m hoppin’. Always hoppin’, never stoppin’. I’m a-hippety-hoppety-hoppin’. Hippety-hoppety-hippety-hoppety-hop! Hoppin’ himself out of the gym. Hoppin’ himself out of basketball. In four seasons, with the Celtics, Cavs, and Sixers, Brown averaged a paltry three points per game. Oh ya, the could have picked Richard Jefferson, Zach Randolph, Gerald Wallace, Jamaal Tinsley, Tony Parker or Gilbert Arenas. Yikes!
Eric Montross: 9th pick in the 1994 draft. I don’t care the Celtics needed a big man. Really, really needed a big man. A new creation for the nation ’cause I’m here for the duration. Like the pilgrim village when they claimed this land and gave birth to the big man. I don’t care Robert Parrish was on his last legs. She’s got legs, she knows how to use them. She never begs, she knows how to choose them. The Celtics didn’t know how to choose them. I’m with the philosophy you pick the best player available. Period. Eric Montross was not the best player available. Hardly. He was a serviceable back up center. That’s it and th-th-that’s all folks.
Acie Earl: 19th pick in the 1993 NBA Draft. Terrible terrible Kid-n-Play hair cut. Terrible terrible player. Slow afoot. Hands of stone. Not in a good way. Not in a Roberto Duran way. Manos de Piedra. No. In a very bad way. But again, they needed a big man. After this draft, they still did. Which led to the Montross pick. Two bad picks for the price of one! I say one, two, one-two-one-two. The good lord knows just what you’ve been through. I say one, two, one-two-one-two. Sometimes you’re just doing what you’ve got to do. The Celtics didn’t have to do that. Did they. Did they really. Did they really with Sam Cassell and Nick Van Exell still on the board. I think not.
Jon Barry: 21st pick in the 1993 draft. The Celtics draft Georgia Tech guard Jon Barry in the 1st round. Not awful you say. Nice little player you say. Leader of the Alternatorz you say. I say, Jon Barry refused to report to Boston because he didn’t think he’d get any playing time. I say, he forced a trade to Milwaukee and embarrassed the franchise. The proud franchise. The storied franchise. The proud and storied franchise caused themselves further embarrassment by drafting Darren Morningstar from Pittsburgh with their next pick. He was cut during the preseason and made famous by asking every one of the veterans on the team a weird question during training camp: What do you have to do to make this team? Robert Parish: Have some talent.
So the Celtics have the number five pick. I say, Draft Yi. Remember, it could be worse.
Public Acknowledgements: The Jerk, My Fair Lady, Johnny Cash, Dianna Ross, Bugs Bunny, Chubb Rock, ZZ Top, Porky Pig and Everlast.
By: josh q. public on: Wednesday, June 27, 2007 @3:43 pm
If life seems jolly rotten, there’s something you’ve forgotten. And that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing. Always look on the bright side of life. -Monty Python’s Flying Circus
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! Whatsamatta Binky? Life got you down? I’m down. I’m really down. I’m down. Down on the ground. I’m down. How can you laugh, when you know I’m down? How can you laugh, when you know I’m down?
You’re sad because your Yankees can’t seem to score runs to save their lives. Well, lighten up Francis, at least you’re not a Detroit Lions’ fan. At least you didn’t go 3-13 last year.
You’re upset because your beloved little Cubbies haven’t won a World Series since 1908? Don’t worry. In every life we have some trouble. But when you worry you make it double. Don’t worry, be happy. Be happy you’re not a Lions fan. The Lions have won only one playoff game since 1957. And the next one won’t come anytime soon. Not in a blue moon. They will forever continue this swoon.
Your Minnesota Timberwolves are about to lose Kevin Garnett? The Big Ticket is sick and tired of losing? He’s as mad as hell and he’s not going to take this anymore! Big deal. Barry Sanders stunned the sports world by retiring back in 1999. When Detroit fans woke up that morning, they coulda sworn it was judgment day. The Day The Music Died. The day Barry quit. The day the best football player in the world just up and quit because he couldn’t stand losing. I guess you’d call it cowardice, but I’m not prepared to go on like this. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t stand losing. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t stand losing.
You’re a Paper Clips’ fan and the drafts just haven’t gone the way you would have liked? Get over it. Joey Harrington? Charles Rodgers? Four wideouts in four years? And I can’t remember how many, many more. But we multiplied them all by four. And some of them thanked us with a roar.
You’re a Bears‘ fan and you’re crying because you don’t like how management has been handling your team in the off season? Are you kidding me? This ain’t no party, this ain’t no disco. This ain’t no fooling around. No time for dancing, or lovey dovey. I ain’t got time for that now. The Lions sure as heck don’t. The got Matt Millen. After the Lions won sixteen games in Millen’s first four seasons, owner William Clay Ford gave Millen five more years on the job. Five! He hired Marty Mornhinweg as head coach in 2001. You remember Mornhinweg. He’s the cat who didn’t want to be against the wind. Against the wind. Didn’t want to be seeking shelter against the wind. So he gave up the ball. Gave up the ball to the Chicago Bears. Gave up the ball and the game. Gave up the game sixteen times on the road in Mornhinweg’s tenure. Yup, that would be all of ‘em. Then there was Mariucci. He didn’t help. Help me if you can, I’m feeling down. And I do appreciate you being round. Help me, get my feet back on the ground. Won’t you please, please help me. Steve Mariucci came to the Detroit Lions with a winning NFL record, a penchant for offense and raised expectations. He didn’t stand a chance.
And so it goes. And so it goes, and so it goes. But where it’s goin’ no one knows. As long as Matt Millen is at the helm, these Lions will continue to flounder as the worst franchise in sports.
Public Acknowledgements: Beatles, ESPN, Stripes, Bobby McFerrin, Network, Prince, Don McLean, The Police, Peter Vecsey, School House Rock, Talking Heads, Bob Seger and Nick Lowe.
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that shit. 
Michael Smith: 13th pick in the 1989 draft. BYU Cougars. Rise and shout, the Cougars are out along the trail to fame and glory. Not this Cougar. Not Michael Smith. Played a measly two seasons with C’s before getting released. Played a measly two seasons before toiling away in Spain. The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain. I think she’s got it! I think she’s got it! Michael Smith didn’t have it. And to think, Boston could have had Tim Hardaway, Baby Daddy Kemp, or even Blue Edwards. My daddy left home when I was three, and he didn’t leave much to ma and me. Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze. Now, I don’t blame him cause he run and hid, but the meanest thing that he ever did was before he left, he went and named me Blue. The meanest thing the Celtics ever did was draft Michael Smith.
Eric Montross: 9th pick in the 1994 draft. I don’t care the Celtics needed a big man. Really, really needed a big man. A new creation for the nation ’cause I’m here for the duration. Like the pilgrim village when they claimed this land and gave birth to the big man. I don’t care Robert Parrish was on his last legs. She’s got legs, she knows how to use them. She never begs, she knows how to choose them. The Celtics didn’t know how to choose them. I’m with the philosophy you pick the best player available. Period. Eric Montross was not the best player available. Hardly. He was a serviceable back up center. That’s it and th-th-that’s all folks. 
Jon Barry: 21st pick in the 1993 draft. The Celtics draft Georgia Tech guard Jon Barry in the 1st round. Not awful you say. Nice little player you say. Leader of the Alternatorz you say. I say, Jon Barry refused to report to Boston because he didn’t think he’d get any playing time. I say, he forced a trade to Milwaukee and embarrassed the franchise. The proud franchise. The storied franchise. The proud and storied franchise caused themselves further embarrassment by drafting Darren Morningstar from Pittsburgh with their next pick. He was cut during the preseason and made famous by asking every one of the veterans on the team a weird question during training camp: What do you have to do to make this team? Robert Parish: Have some talent.
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