Ooo wee ooo, I look just like Buddy Holly.  Oh oh, and you’re Mary Tyler Moore.  I don’t care what they say about us anyway.  I don’t care about that.  I don’t care about that.  -Weezer

Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go!  Just a quick one.  A very quick one.  Yup.  Like my main man Derrick Coleman always says:  Woopty damn doo!  Big deal.  So what?  So the Yankees got lucky.  So they were feeling a little plucky.  Everything’s not so ducky. They’re still in last aren’t they?  Hey daddy-o, I don’t wanna go, down to the basement.  There’s somethin’ down there.  Hey, Romeo, I don’t wanna go, down to the basement.  The Sox are still in first aren’t they?  I am number one.  No matter if you like it.  Ready take this, sit down and write it.  I am number one.  Hey hey hey hey hey hey.  The Yankees are still 1-8 aren’t they?  Not so great are they?  Too little too late aren’t they?  The Red Sox still have the best rotation in the American League don’t they?  Simply the best.  Better than all the rest.  The Red Sox still have the best closer in baseball don’t they?  How do you spell relief?  P-a-p-e-l-b-o-n.  The Red Sox have still shown they have the desire.  Shown they have the fire.  Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire.  Coming back game after game.  Hummin’.  Comin’ at cha.  And you know I had to gat ya.       Read More »

That’s great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplane.  Lenny Bruce is not afraid.  It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.  -REM

Public Service Announcement.  OK, here we go!  Here we go Red Sox, here we go!  The sky is falling!  The sky is falling!  Like my main man Howard Cosell always says, the Bronx is burning!  Yup, the bronx is burning.  The sky is falling.  That’s right Chicken Little, what your name is?  Where you from?  Turn around, who you came with?  Pop something, move something.  Shake ya tail feather.  Shake ya tail feather, the end is near.  And now, the end is near.  And so I face the final curtain.  I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain.       Read More »

Here we go again.  She’ll break my heart again.  I’ll play the part again.  One more time.  -Ray Charles

Public Service Anoouncement: OK, here we go!  Did you like your little respite?  Huh, Binky?  Didja?  Didja like your little NBA story?  Didja like your little cricket article?  Didja like your little Trevor Linden piece?  Huh, Binky?  Didja?  Can we get back to the real stuff now?  Huh?  Can we?  The electric eel stuff now?  The Cadillac automobile stuff now?  The white knuckles on the wheel stuff now?  I’m sick of this West Coast bias.  Can we please get some Red Sox/Yankees talk about now.  Right about now, the funk soul brother.  Check it out now, the funk soul brother.  Can we?  Thank you.  Like the original funk soul brother, Elvis Aron Presley, always says:  “Thank you.  Thank you very much.”  Thank you New York Yankees pitching staff.  Thank you for putting your team in dead last place.  Getting worse at a dead fast pace.  Amazing grace, how sweet the sound.  How sweet does this sound?  Whooosh.  Sounds sweep.  Don’t it?  Huh?  Don’t it?  Ha ha ha!  Swept by the Sox.  Swept by the Rays.  About to get swept again.  Haven’t won since I don’t know when. You go back Jack, do it again.  Wheel turnin’ round and round.  You go back Jack, do it again.  Read More »

Oh we can beat them for ever and ever.  Then we can be heroes.  Just for one day.  We can be heroes.  Just for one day.  -David Bowie

Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go!  Hockey Krishna, Hockey Krishna.  Krishna Krishna, Hockey Hockey,  Hockey Rama, Hockey Rama.  Rama Rama, Hockey Hockey.  He was born in Medicine Hat by the borderline.  He started playing hockey by the time he was nine.  Medicine Hat Tigers.  Consecutive Memorial Cup titles as a junior hockey player in the WHL.  Never slowing down ever since.  Geronimo, look out belowing ever since. Hasn’t stopped mowing ‘em down ever since.  Read More »

I don’t mean to brag. I don’t mean to boast. But I’m intercontinental when I eat French toast. -Beastie Boys

Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go!  We’re in the middle of the Cricket World Cup right now.  We’re in the Finals right now.  The third most watched sporting event in the world right now.  Third, behind the Soccer World Cup and the Olympics.  Cricket?  Ya, that’s the ticket.  Quite a sticky wicket.  Would you watch it in a box?  Would you watch it with a fox?  Not in a box.  Not with a fox.  I do not like it Josh Q. Public.  C’mon.  Try it, you’ll like it.  You’ll like World Cup Cricket.  You’ll definitely like Muttiah Muralitharan.  Huh?  Who?  Muttiah Muralitharan. That’s who. That’s who doing the dew. But you can call him Murali. You can call me Ray or you can call me Jay, but you doesn’t hafta call me Muttiah Muralitharan.  Who is this Murali you speak of?  Murali is the bowler for Sri Lanka.  Sri Lanka is in the Finals.  The bowler is like a pitcher.  Murali is the best bowler in the world.  Better than Earl Anthony.  Better than Joe Berardi.  Better than Big Ern McCracken.  Better than Dick Weber.  Ooops.  Wrong bowlers.  Take the skinheads bowling, take them bowling.  Murali is the best bowler in the world.  Read More »

Back to back.  Now how you gonna hold me?  Back to back.  How you gonna show me?  Back to back.  Baby that’s a fact.  -The Replacements

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Ha ha ha!  Hooo Hoo Hoo!  Hee Hee Hee!  This is great!  Sha na na na.  Na na na na.  Hey hey hey.  Goodbye.  Goodbye Yankees.  Goodbye A-Broad.  Goodbye DE-rek JE-ter.  Clap clap clap clap clap.  Goodbye Mariano.  Goodbye hip hip Jorge.  Don’t let the door hit hit your ass on the way out.  What a game!  What a game.  Back-to-back-to-back-to-back.  Fantastic four.  Four times the action.  Four times the adventure.  Four times the fantastic.  It’s clobbering time.          Read More »

One can wish upon a star. Two can make a wish come true. One can stand alone in the dark. Two can make the light shine through. It takes two baby. You know it takes two. -Tina Turner

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  I know, I know.  It’s early yet.  No need to get squirrelly yet.  Don’t call me Shirley yet.  But the early bird gets the worm, I say.  Keep making them pay, I say.  Make ‘em pay every day, I say.  Keep stepping on their necks, I say.  Pencil neck geek, grit eatin’ freak, scum suckin’, pea head with a lousy physique.  He’s a one man, no gut, loosing streak.  Nothin’ but a pencil neck geek.  A-God didn’t walk on water yesterday.  Didn’t turn any water into wine yesterday.  Didn’t cure any lepers yesterday.  Down to earth yesterday.  Big Papi did.            Read More »

I can do anything, right or wrong.  I can talk anyhow, and get along.  Don’t care anyway, I never lose.  Anyway, anyhow, anywhere I choose.  Anyway, anyhow, anywhere I choose.  -The Who

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  I love it baby.  I just love it.  Joy to the world.  All the boys and girls now.  Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea.  Joy to you and me.  Joy to the Boston Red Sox.  Oh boy!  That was a fun one.  The Yankees got done did stunned one.  A take the money and run one.  Billy Joe shot a man while robbing his castle.  Bobbie Sue took the money and run.  Go on take the money and run.  You say A-Broad’s on fire.  You say he’s found that desire.  You say he’s out of the mire.  Two bombs last night.  Twelve bombs in April.  Twelve bombs, tying Mike Schmidt for the most bombs in a team’s first fifteen games.  476 career bombs.  Moving him past Stan Musial and Willie Stargell into 25th-place in major-league history for bombs.  Sexbomb sexbomb, you’re my sexbomb sexbomb.  You can give it to me when I need to come along.  Sexbomb sexbomb you’re my sexbomb, and baby you can turn me on.  I say tomato.  Let’s call the whole thing off.  I say he’s the same old A-Broad.            Read More »

Let’s begin again, begin the begin.  Let’s begin again like Martin Luther zen.  The mythology begins the begin.  -REM

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Woooo doggie!  Red Sox/Yankees.  If this doesn’t get your panties in a bunch, better call Dr. Kavorkian.  ‘Cause there’s no hope for you.  May as well get the rope for you.  Maybe try some dope for you.  The greatest rivalry of them all.  Next to all the rest it stands tall.  Making those others look real small.  Bigger than Redskins/Cowboys.  Bigger than Ohio State/Michigan.  Bigger than Maple Leafs/Canadiens.  Bigger than Giants/Dodgers.  Bigger than all of ‘em.  I can’t wait.  Like Simba always says:  “Let every creature go for broke and sing.  Let’s hear it in the herd and on the wing.  It’s gonna be the Red Sox’ finest fling.  Oh, I just can’t wait to be king!”               Read More »

We didn’t start the fire.  It was always burning, since the worlds been turning.  -Billy Joel

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here go!  Major League Baseball.  I live for this.  Like Stan the Man Musial always says:  “I never realized that batting a little ball around could cause so much commotion.”  These cats are causing a commotion.  A loco-motion.  My little baby sister can do it with ease.  It’s easier than learning your a b c’s.  So come on, come on, do the loco-motion with me.  These cats are doing a brand new dance now.  These cats are giving it a chance now.  Playing baseball better than anyone else in the big dance now.  These are the cats off to the hot starts.  The hot to trot starts.  The booster shot starts.  You can start them up.  You can start them up, they’ll never stop.  They’re making grown men cry.                    Read More »