For though there’s no sound of the cannon; and though there’s no smoke in the sky, I’m dropping the gun and the sabre, and ready for battle am I. -Johnny Cash
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! I’m sick of hearing it. Every yearing it. Everybody’s Paul Revering it. One if by land, and two if by sea. And I, on the opposite shore will be, ready to ride and spread the alarm. Spread the alarm of that old East Coast bias. Spread the alarm that every Red Sox-Yankees showdown is treated like the World Series. Spread the alarm that whenever a Phillip Hughes comes up, he’s hailed as the next Bob Gibson. Bullet Bob Gibson. Spread the alarm that a Daisuke Matsuzaka, who has never even pitched one game in the bigs, gets his mug pasted on the cover of every rag from Sports Illustrated to Better Homes and Gardens to Tiger Beat. Wanna see my picture on the cover. Wanna buy five copies for my mother. Wanna see my smilin’ face. On the cover of the Rolling Stone. Dr. Hook style. Tough! That’s what happens. That’s what happens when you’re the best division in baseball. That’s what happens when every off-season you do your daggondenest to win the whole shabang. Buying a pennant? So what? Them’s the rules. That’s what happens when the best teams in baseball also happen to reside in the AL Beast.
Red Sox/Yankees. Yankees/Red Sox. Head and shoulders above everybody else. One and 1A. You pick who is who. You pick who has the specialist brew. You pick who’s doing the do. It don’t matter. Don’t matter who you flatter. The other one is right there. Right there like Lost’s polar bear. Right there smack dab in the middle ye olde town square. Monie in the middle. Where she at? In the middle. Big Papi. A-Broad. Jeter. Manny. Ready to kick your fanny. Take you out of the fire and put you right back into the frying panny. D-Nice. Mr. Wang, No Offense. Boom Beckett. Schil the Thrill. Big Mo. Moose. Ready to cut loose. Ready to put your neck in a noose. Now who’s a silly goose? You can Dee-Troit Tiger me. You can St. Louis Cardinal me. You don’t believe it? Do you? Not for a minute. Not for a hot New York minute.
The Toronto Blue Jays are right there too. Don’t forget they finished ahead of my beloved Sox last year. The Jays gave me no cheer. They’re a team you should fear. Just signed the Big Hurt. Maybe the most unsung signing of the off-season. Put the Big Hurt in a line-up with Lyle Overbay, Vernon Wells and Troy Glaus? Fuggetabout it. Trot out a rotation that features Roy Halliday? I’ll be your huckelberry. Roy Halliday and a healthy AJ Burnett? With closer BJ Ryan? Good night Irene. Just obscene. A fine tuned baseball machine.
And don’t sleep on them Orioles either. Make a lonely man happy, Baltimore Oriole. Lee Mazzone. Pitching guru. You watch. The Orioles will have the best staff ERA in the second half of this season. Mark my words. Mark them I say! You think it’s a Coinky-dinky? Think it’s a coinky-dinky that the Braves won their division title fourteen consecutive times. Fourteen consecutive times beginning with 1991 and ending in 2005. Ending the first year Lee Mazzone was not around. Not around to take care of the pitchers. Sounds pretty spine-tingly-dingly to me.
So instead of crying about this so-called East Coast bias, maybe you should be crying about the fact that your team did not do enough. Did not get tough. Did not do as much. Did not do as much as those guys over there in the American League East. The American League Beast. The American League East, where the men are men, and the games matter. The American League East. The best division in Baseball.
Peace out homies. Six Two and Even!
Need More? Alex Rodriguez,Baltimore Orioles,Boston Red Sox,Curt Schilling,Daisuke Matsuzaka,David Ortiz,Manny Ramirez,MLB,Toronto Blue Jays
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