There’s talk on the street; it sounds so familiar. Great expectations, everybody’s watching you. -Eagles
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! David Jonathan Drew. Then why JD? Who cares? Am I the only citizen in Red Sox Nation who actually likes this move? Am I Billy Joe Armstrong? The only one and walking alone. Boulevard of Broken Dreams style. I am here to say on record, this is an outstanding acquisition. Outstanding. My boy, Bill the Killer Mueller thinks so too: “I tell you what, he’s a great player, a great individual, and a character guy. Any left-handed bat like his, the way he uses the whole field, he should have great success there.”
When this cat is healthy, this cat can flat out play. He was the first player in college baseball history to hit 30 home runs and steal 30 bases in the same season. As a freshman, he became the first player to hit three home runs in a single College World Series game. Yowza! As a Seminole, he set an FSU record by batting .455. As a Seminole, he became one of only three players in college baseball history to have 100 hits, 100 runs and 100 RBIs. Yowza again. When this cat is healthy, this cat can flat out play. In his rookie year, as a Cardinal, he was drawing comparisons to Stan the Man and the Mick. Then the injuries began. Then the name-calling began. Nancy Drew. DL Drew. Sticks and stones. 2004. Best season of his life. Power, patience, and defense. That was his mantra. .305/.436/.569 with 31 home runs, 118 walks, and 96 RBI’s. Finished 6th in the MVP voting. Not for nothing, last year’s numbers were not vastly different from those of 2004. And not for nothing, he is going to play the hell out of right field. Dwight Evans style. So, if you don’t think this dude can help this ball club, you are not paying attention. If you don’t think this dude can help this ball club, you are blindly following the miserable masses. Stop reading Bob Ryan on this. Stop reading the Dirt Dogs on this. Stop reading all the self-loathing Red Sox bloggers out there who would prefer to bitch and moan than actually be happy about something good going on around here. Stop making JD our own little A-Broad. We’re better than that. Coconut Crisp, Julio Lugo, Papi, Manny, JD Drew. That’s a pretty daggone good line-up. Gy-Ro-Mite!, Schilling, Pap, Boom Boom Becket, Wakefield. That’s a pretty daggone good staff. You listen to me brother, saddle your ponies you bet! Rowdy Roddy style! Bring it bitch!
1. Red Sox West cannot be happy. The Dodgers HR and RBI leader, gone. The heart and soul of the pitching staff, gone. Playoff hopes, gone. Say goodnight John Boy.
2. Lugo too? C’mon now. How can you not be happy? The Red Sox just went out and got Drew, Gy-Ro-Mite! and Lugo. Sing it with me. Follow the bouncing ball: Happy days are here again, the skies above are clear again. Let us sing a song of cheer again. Happy days are here again.
3. Steve Colbert is the best. Here is his rant against the Sault Ste Marie Greyhounds of the Ontario Hockey League: “Hey Sault Ste Marie, you saint gonna beat the Saginaw Spirit. And way to name your city after one of the worst saints. The debate over her canonization was notoriously contentious and the quality of her miracles was dubious at best. Boo Yah!” Why can’t I get writers like that?
4. My plea to Playboy Magazine: You don’t have a monthly sports item. I think it’s a no brainer. Let me do it. It would be my dream job. If anybody out there ever gets over to the mansion, could you tell Hef?
5. Bonds shopping himself around the Winter Meetings. Does anybody want this pariah? There was a time folks would be busting down Barry’s door to have him break the Hammer’s record in their ballpark. Now? Not so much. Now, he’s peddling his wears like a cheap trick down on 42nd Street. When 42nd Street was 42nd Street. Or the Combat Zone. When the Combat Zone was still the Combat Zone. Hey, is the Naked Eye still there? I’ve been away a while.
6. You wanna know how stupid Zeke is? Huh? Do ya? This is how stupid Zeke is. He says, when Channing “Charles Smith” Frye and Jared Jeffries come back, it will be David Lee who gets the pine time. Are you out of your cotton pickin mind? Do you see what we see? I’ll tell you what’s for certain. You’re an eeediot! That’s for certain.
7. Brett Hull to do hockey for NBC. I never liked that dude. Always thought he was soft. Charmin soft. Great Sega Genesis player. Swingers style. But soft. He’s the answer to this trivia question: What hockey player has the most goals with no fights? Just so you know, The Blues retired Golden Boy’s #16 last night. Hull scored 527 goals (in 744 games) during his ten-plus seasons with St. Louis, 116 more than any other NHL player scored over that span. The rest of the top five: Super Mario (411), Steve Yzerman (399), Luc Robitaille (393), Brendan Shanahan (356).
8. Canadian Idol. Steve Nash. 20 dimes. That’s hot. Paris Hilton style. How hot? It’s the most in a non-overtime game since the Cavs Andre Miller had 22 on December 15, 2001. Not for nothing 3 of the four reigning MVPs are Canadian. Nash, Morneau and Joe Thornton. Remember him. After Harry Sinden gave Super Joe the old heave ho, he called him a “competent player.” Good work Harry.
9. The human who? Joe Johnson scored 34 points for the Hawks’ last night. That’s the fifth straight game he has scored at least 30. That’s the longest streak by an Atlanta player since your boy, Dominique Wilkins, did it in March, 1993. Why can’t we get guys like him?
10. Greg Maddux to the Padres. Can put a baseball through a lifesaver. Maddux has pitched at least 190 innings in each of the last 19 seasons, which ties Cy Young for the longest streak in big league history. If Maddux had recorded just two more outs in 2002, he’d have 19 straight seasons of 200 innings. Yowza!
11. My boys, Grimace and the Half Bald Prince own a racehorse. Elektra. Here’s the update: “Faster and faster boys. Just like my hair loss. She is a comin’! gonna be cold out there but all will be furnished with a pint of Jack.”
Peace out homies. Six Two and Even!