Josh Q. Public: Nightswimming deserves a quiet night.

Public Spectacle:
What will they think of next?

Piss out homies. Six two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Hey hotshot, you’re a one man band.  The Don on the block with a glock in your hand.

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Rink rats rejoice! All anyone can talk about these days is Sidney Crosby.  All anyone can talk about these days is Alexander Ovechkin.  All anyone can talk about these days is Evgeni Malkin.  And well they should.  Those are all some pretty sharp shooters.  But I’m here to tell you, there’s a new young gun in town.  Patrice Bergeron.  The man that made Joe Thornton expendable.  A man on fire.  En flambe!  Scalding.  Torrid.  You want to know how hot?  OK.  I’ll tell you.  Patrice is riding a streak of at least one point in ten straight games.  In fact, so far this season, Patrice’s biggest pointless streak is 1 game. That’s right  folks, one game.  During this current streak, he has seventeen points.  Six goals and eleven assists.  Had another goal last night.  Another goal that turned out to be the game winner.  Back in November, Patrice had three game winners in three straight games.  Goodness gracious.  But this kid isn’t just a goal scorer, he’s a playmaker.  The other night against Ottawa, he had five assists.  Five.  Count’em.  1…2…3…4…5, senses working overtime.   Over the last four weeks, only Sydney Crosby, Alex Ovechkin, Jarome Iginla and Vincent Lecavalier have more points.  That’s it.  Pretty heady company.  Hedy Lamarr.   But this should come as no surprise.

Hockey Krishnas knew.  Bruins fans knew.  The Public knew.  For those un-initiated out there, let me educate.  Let me pontificate, communicate, demonstrate, illustrate, orate, inculate, indoctrinate.  Let me fill your plate.  From Vancouver to the Green Mountain State.  Patrice Bergeron.  At the ripe old age of nineteen, Mr. Bergeron was drafted with the 45th pick by the Boston Bruins.  A draft that featured Marc-Andre Fleury, Eric Staal, Thomas Vanek, Ryan Getzlaf and Zach Parise.  Patrice made the Rookie All-Star Team.  At the end of that season, he played for the Canadian Senior Men’s team in Prague at the World Championships.  Helped his squad take home the gold.  During the lock-out, Bergeron headed to North Dakota to play for the Canadian Under-20 team at the 2005 World Junior Ice Hockey Championships.  He finished the tournament with five goals and eight assists.  For you math majors out there, that’s thirteen points.  Thirteen points over six games.  He scored a goal in Canada’s 6-1 Gold Medal victory over Russia.  He finished the tournament as its leading scorer.  He finished the tournament as the MVP.  A tournament that featured Evgeni Malkin, Sidney Crosby, Ryan Getzlaf, Alexander Ovechkin and Dan Phaneuf.  He became the first player to ever win a Senior Men’s Gold Medal before winning a Junior one.  Last year, in only his second season, only 20 years-old, he finished leading the Bruins with 31 goals, 42 assists and 73 points.  Following the season, he again played for Canada at the Senior Men’s World Championships.  This time he finished 2nd to teammate Sidney Crosby in tournament scoring, with 14 points.  No shame in that game.  Patrice is now the Captain of the Bruins.  The resurgent Bruins.  The juggernaut Bruins.  The Big Bad Bruins.  And he is the biggest and baddest of them all.

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Joshua fit the battle of Jericho, Jericho, Jericho; Joshua fit the battle of Jericho, and the walls came tumbling down.

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go.  The NFL play-offs.  Things are a little kooky right now.  Things are a little murky right now.  But don’t worry your pretty little heads right now.  I’m gonna play Navajo Code Talker, and break it on down for ya right now.  Twenty teams still in the mix.  Twenty teams still fighting for their post season lives.  One game left and twenty teams.  Let’s have us a little look-see, shall we?

American Football Conference:

AFC East:

1.  Pats are already in.  Clinched division.  Nobody wants to see these cats come play-off time.  Nobody.  Do you?

2.  The New Jersey Jets.  Simple.  They win, they’re in.  Eric the Mangini has his fate in his own hands.  He’s got 99 problems, like the running back position, but the pitiful Oakland Raiders ain’t one.  No offense.  Nothing to play for.  Captained by Randy Moonshine Moss.  ‘Nuff said.  The Jets are in.  This is what they are going to do to the Raiders on Sunday:

AFC North

1.  Ravens in.  Another very scary team.

2.  Who dey?  Who dey?  Who dey think gonna beat them Bengals?  The Steelers.  This game should not be so difficult.  Cincy beat ‘em once already.  It all depends who shows up for either team.  Jekyl or Hyde.  OK, say they take care of their own business.  Say they beat the Lace Curtain, then what?  Then mon fraire, the Jets have to lose.  Ain’t happening.  Ok.  Bengals win.  Jets win.  What then for Ocho Cinco and the boys?  Then Kansas City has to beat the Jags.  Perhaps.  And, Denver has to lose to the 49ers.  Not happening folks.  If everything else falls the Bengals way, dem Broncos still ain’t losing to dem Niners.  No how, no way.  Bengals out. 

AFC South:

1.  Colts in.  Looking mighty shaky right now.  Mighty shaky.  Their shaky brings all the boys to the yard.  Their shaky ain’t better than yours.  Damn right, ain’t better than yours.

2.  Mighty Vince Young and the Tennessee Titans.  I’m telling you right now, I’m rooting for these cats.  I’m telling you right now, they are a very frightening team.  That being said, what goes on?  First and foremost, they have to be beat the Pats.  No easy task.  Not this time of year.  But who knows who New England will play.  This is not a must win game for them.  They may be resting dudes.  If the Titans do win, then it’s the same as Cincy. The Chiefs have to win and the Broncos have to lose.  But, like I said before, dem Broncos  ain’t losing to dem Niners.  Sorry kid, this ain’t your night.  Titans out.

3.  The Jags.  Fuhgettaboutit.  They have to beat the Chiefs.  The Jets have to lose.  The Bengals and Titans both have to lose.  No way.  Jags out.

AFC West

1.  LaDainian and the Chargers in.  Everybody’s choice de jour.  Peter Vescey style.  Not mine. I don’t trust young Phillip Rivers.

2.  The Kansas City Chiefs.  They have to win.  Denver and the Bengals both have to lose.  Nope.  They’re out.

3.  Like the Jets, all the Broncos need to do is just win baby.  Just beat those 49ers.  I think they got that.  Staples style.  If they don’t win, and the Chiefs do, they’re still in.  If you win, you win.  If you lose, you still win.  Joey LaMotta style.  I say they’re going to the dance.  How long they stay on the floor is another matter altogether.

OK, there you have it for the AFC:  Pats, Jets, Ravens, Chargers, Colts and Broncos.

National Football Conference

NFC East

1.  Cowboys and Eagles both in.

2.  The New York football Giants.  If they win, and win strength of victory tiebreaker, they’re in.  Hmmm.  Strength of victory tiebreaker?  No worries, if they win and Green Bay loses to da Bears, they’re in.  Da Pack will lose to da Bears.  Wow, I didn’t want to pick these guys, but it looks like I have no choice.  Boy, the NFC is terrible.  If they do lose, then the Pack, the Rams and the Falcons, all have to lose too.  All very possible.  I gotta pick these guys.  I don’t want to, I really don’t like this team of big mouths, but I have to.  For the fun of it, we’ll continue.

NFC North 

1.  Da Bears

2.  The Pack has to win and win that kooky strength of victory tiebreaker.  Nope.  They can’t win.  And the Giants have to win.  Y’know, all the Packers scenarios depend on them beating the Bears.  In my wildest dreams, I just don’t see it.  I like Brett Favre as much as the next guy, but.  Packers are out.  I don’t care who Chicago sits, this is what the Bears are going to do to them:

NFC South

1.  The feel good story of the NFL.  They ain’t the Ain’ts no more.  St. Reggie, Deuce, Marques Colston and Drew Brees.  A hurricane ravaged city.  What’s not to like?

2.  Michael Vick and the Atlanta Falcons.  How are these cats still in this thing?  Did I say the NFC is terrible yet?  I did?  Ok.  The Falcons have to beat the Eagles.  The way those dudes are playing, they’ll give Chicago a run for their money.  Not a chance.  If they do win, then the Saints have to beat Carolina, the Bears have to beat the Pack and the Rams have to lose to the Vikings.  I dunno.  Too much other stuff in there.  Maybe, but still no.

NFC West

1.  The Seattle Seahwaks in.  Just gross.  A horrible team in a horrible division in a horrible conference.  Do these guys scare anyone?  Shaggy and Sccoby aren’t even afraid of these cats.

2.  The Rams.  The Rams can get in if they beat the Vikings.  Ok.  And, the Giants, Carolina and Atlanta all lose.  Too confusing.  Rams are out.  They should be.  They stink.

OK, there you have it.  Cowboys, Eagles, Giants, Saints, Seahawks and Bears.  A motley crew at best.  Where’s Pam Anderson and Heather Locklear when you need them?

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!

You’ve got the boomin’ system but it’s blasting out doo-doo.  You think it’s chocolate milk, but it’s watered down yoo-hoo.  -Beastie Boys

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Let the games begin!  Nothing like a little Red Sox/Yankee talk to get the blood boiling.  Yankee fans everywhere are already shooting their big yappers off.  They really believe their washed up hero, Andy “the Kanoodler” Pettitte is better than our very own D-Nice.  Bah ha ha ha ha!        Read More »

Advice is cheap you can take it from me.  It’s yours to keep ’cause opinions are free.  -Billy Joel

Public Service Announcement:  Ok here we go!  Houston, we have a problem.  Yao Ming.  The Ming Dynasty.  The Great Wall of China.  Chairman Yao.  All of it.  This was his year.  We all knew it was coming.  We all saw the writing on the Great Wall.  MVP.  Best center in basketball.  Championships.  Then this happens.  Then the guy gets hurt.  You hate to see it.  It breaks your heart.  This was one of the good guys.  This was the year he was going to take it all.  He still might.        Read More »

Public Spectacle:

Josh Q. Public:  Bewildered, I need your, I need your, I need your guiding hand.  I’ll never, no, I’ll never understand.

Public Service Announcement:  We lost a legend today.  We lost James Brown.  We lost the Godfather of Soul.  We lost Mr. Dynamite. We lost the Hardest Working Man in Show Business. Brown was hospitalized Sunday with pneumonia. He passed away today at Emory Crawford Long Hospital in Atlanta.  He was 73.   Public Enemy’s Chuck D:  “James presented obviously the best grooves.  To this day, there has been no one near as funky.  No one’s coming even close.”  

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Well it’s Monday night and we’re ready to rock!  Time to get all the hits, the bangs and the blocks.

Public Service Announcement:  OK here we go!  All right already.  Are you done?  Are you done opening presents and drinking egg-nog?  Can we get to some business now?  Some serious business?  Some NFL football business?  Thank you. 

1.  I went to the swamp yesterday.  I went to the swamp yesterday and saw the Saints whoop up on the Giants.  Whooped up on them real good like.  Tiki’s last game at home.  He did nothing.  He didn’t always do nothing there.  Tiki was limited to 83 yards yesterday.  His career total of 7,929 yards from scrimmage at Giants Stadium is the sixth highest by any player at any stadium in NFL history. He just passed Touch Down Tony Dorsett at Texas Stadium yesterday.  The Giants did nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  This is what the Saints did to them:

2.  My X-Mas present came a day early.  The New England Patriots.  Taking care of business.  BTO style.  Taking care of business, every day.  Clinched first.  Taking care of business, every way.  Clinched the playoffs.  Taking care of business, and working over time.  Tom Brady orchestrates three long touchdown drives.  8-of-39 for 249 yards.  Throws for a touchdown.  Completes passes to 10 different receivers.  Picks apart the NFL’s second-ranked defense with short, crisp passes.  Don’t look now, but somebody’s got that championship glow.

3.  Mighty Vince Young.  Mighty Vince, the Nashville Prince.  How many times can he do this?  How many times can he rally his team to victory?  How many times can he put his team on his back and carry them to the Promised Land?  Mighty Vince scored on a 36-yard run.  Mighty Vince threw for two more.  Mighty Vince became the first rookie in NFL history with three rushing TDs of 20 yards or longer and three TD passes of 20 yards or longer.  Mighty Vince made his fourth comeback in the fourth quarter or overtime this year.  Just remarkable what this kid is doing.  I hope your watching.  I hope your paying attention.  This is history.  Mighty Vince may be playoff bound.  Do you wanna play him then?  I sure wouldn’t.

4.  Is he feeling OK?  The touchdown maker, the record breaker.  Coming up empty.  123 yards rushing, but no TDs.  What’s wrong with this guy?  Lighting’s is striking again.  The AFC West champion Chargers (13-2) set a team record for wins in a season.  A win next week clinches a top seed in the conference for the first time since 1980.  Chargers win!  Seahawks clinch too, in a loss.  They are the worst division champs in football.  The NFC West is a disgrace.   Much like the NBA Atlantic. 

5.  The Ravens just keep marching on.  They just keep marching on to victory.  Everyone keeps saying the Chargers are the team to beat in the AFC.  I don’t know about you but, I’m a little bit more scared of this team.  This team that just won eight of their past nine games.  I’m little more scared of them, just a little bit.  A little bit more scared of their defense  Nobody’s defense has held the opposition to fewer points.  Nobody’s.  Just smashing offenses across the NFL.  Yesterday, Steelers’ running back, Fast Willie Parker, the NFL’s fifth-leading rusher, was limited to 29 yards.   Goodness!  This is what the Ravens did to the Steelers yesterday:

6.  Who dey?  Who dey?  Who dey think gonna beat them Bengals?  Orange Crush, baby, Orange Crush!  Playoff hopes just slipping through the Bengals’ greasy little fingers.  Through Ocho Cinco’s greasy little fingers.  Fumble!   Not through Champion Baily’s.  Champ picked two to take the league lead.  Broncos win!  Broncos win!  Jay Cutler passed for two touchdowns.  That’s the fourth time in four games that Jay has thrown for two TDs.   Is he the only player with two or more TD passes in each of his first four games?  No siree Bobby, er Markie.  Mark Rypien did it for the Redskins in 1988.   Looks like the Broncos are playoff bound.

7.  Ha ha ha ha!  Archie’s boy’s boys choke again.  The Colts defense chokes again.  Allowing third down conversion after third down conversion.  Allowing the 1999 Heisman Trophy winner a career-high 153 yards rushing and two touchdowns.  Just so you know, Ron Dayne’s last 100-yard game was on Sept. 30, 2001 for the Giants.  Bye-bye bye.  ‘N Sync style.  By choking up Sunday’s game to the lowly Texans, the Colts are locked in at the No. 3 seed.  Behind San Diego.  Behind Baltimore. They are going to need three wins to reach the Super Bowl.  Good luck with that one.  Texans win!  Texans win!

Just some fun factoids I found while scouring Al Gore’s Internet.  Get you ready for some football.  Some Monday Night Football.  Make you look all Einsteiny.  Real smart around the family.  Impress your friends and stuff like that there.  Now, enjoy.  But don’t say I never gave you nothing.

Eagles vs. Cowboys

1.  A win tonight can put the Eagles into the playoffs, despite losing five out of six games during the middle of the season.  Over the past six seasons (2000-2005), only one of the 72 postseason teams ever lost five of six games at any point during the season:  the Jets in 2002.

2.  This is the 92nd regular-season game between the Eagles and Cowboys, but it’s the first game between the clubs in which each team is starting an undrafted quarterback.

3.  Jeff Garcia has a 108.0 rating in his four starts this season.  That’s the best QB rating for any player in the NFL over those four weeks.  Better than number two Drew Brees.  Better than number three J.P. Losman. 

4.  Brian Westbrook is averaging 84 rushing yards per game and 51 receiving yards per game this season.  The only player in NFL history to average 75 and 50 in a season is Marshall Faulk.  That cat did it four times.  Westbrook has had at least three catches in each of his last 38 games.  That’s the longest current streak in the NFL for any player.  That’s the longest streak in NFL history by a running back.  That’s the longest streak in Eagles history.  Westbrook has caught 208 passes since the start of the 2004 season, 50 more than any other NFL running back over that time.  More than Tiki.  More than LT.

5.  The Big Cahoona.  The Big Tuna.  Bill Parcells can become the first head coach to win a division title with four different teams.

6.  Marion Barber has scored 15 touchdowns on only 140 touches this season.  That’s an average of one TD every 9.3 plays.  There’s only one other running back in NFL history with at least 15 touchdowns averaged one less than every 10 plays.  That running back?    The Baltimore Colts’ Lenny Moore.  Just so you know, LT is averaging a touchdown every 11.7 touches this year.

7.  Julius Jones has run for 1,019 yards this season and Barber has 636.  They’re the first pair of Cowboys to run for at least 600 yards in the same season since 1986 when Touchdown Tony Dorsett and Herschel Walker did it.

Jets Vs. Dolphins

1.  Chad Pennington is 29-22 as a starter.  If he wins tonight, he’ll have the highest winning percentage for any QB in Jets history.  He will pass Vinny Testaverde.

2.  The Jets defense has gotten off the field without allowing a first down only 29% of the time.  That’s worse than any defense that’s not the Indianapolis Colts.

3.  Joey Harington’s career record as a starter is 23-42.  That’s worse than any active QB not named David Carr.

4.  Ronnie Brown, he’s a clown, was the second player drafted overall in 2005.  Over the last 20 years only four running backs have been chosen one or two:  St. Reggie, Ki-Jana Carter, Marshall Faulk, and Blair Thomas.

5.  Zach Thomas made his seventh Pro Bowl this season.  Only three other active defensive players have made it to Hawaii more:  Junior Seau, Derrick Brooks and John Lynch.

Peace out homies.  Six two and Even!