What is Wrong With Michael Irvin?

Josh Q. Public:  This is where the party ends.  I can’t stand here listening to you and your racist friend.

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Goodness gracious me oh my-oh.  I may be a day late and a dollar short on this one, but who cares?  I may be delving into scary territory here, but so what?  It’s always risky for a white dude to bring up the race card when it pertains to a black dude, but I don’t care.  This nonsense was just wrong.  Jimmy the Greek wrong.  Not for nothing, isn’t that name politically incorrect in and of itself?  The Right Reverend Reggie White wrong.  Al Campanis wrong.  Mel Gibson wrong.  Jesse Jackson wrong.  What?  Think we forgot the hymietown comments?  Michael Richards wrong.  Ricky Manning Jr. wrong.  John Rocker wrong.  Bob Ryan wrong.  Wrong, wrong, wrong.  In case you have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about, you can listen here.  If you’re at work or don’t feel like listening, let me break it down for you.  Michael Irvin on the Dan Patrick radio show talking about the Cowboys win over the then undefeated Colts.  Michael says Tony Romo outplayed your boy Peyton Manning. No problems there.  He did.  The Playmaker then says Tony Romo “doesn’t look like that type of athlete.”  Uh oh.  What type of athlete, Mike?  Danger Will Robinson, danger!  Wait for it, wait for it, boom goes the dynamite!  “There must be some brothers in that line somewhere…somewhere there are some brothers…I don’t know who saw what, where…maybe his great, great, great, great Grandma ran over in the hood or something went down.”   What the hell does that mean?  Dan Patrick wanted to know the same thing.  He asked Michael, “That’s the only way to be a great athlete?”  You think this would be the part of the story where Irvin regains composure and talks some sense.  Nothing doing.  “No, that’s not the only way…but it’s certainly one way…maybe his great, great, great, great Grandma pulled one of them studs up outta the barn and said ‘come here for a second’…back in the day.”  Yikes.  You can’t say that anymore.  If you say that, you better check yourself into rehab just to save some face.  And not for nothing again, but Mike sure sounded baked during the whole interview.  Giggling like a schoolgirl throughout.  Where’s Tom Jackson calling Mike a retard when you need him.  Oooh, can I say that?  Goodness.  Didn’t Rush get shitcanned for talking that baloney.  Isn’t Borat on the ropes for perceived racism?  Aren’t Danish cartoonists everywhere hiding for their lives?  To be honest, I think it’s kind of funny.  What’s funnier is I never heard about it until today.  I heard about Mel Gibson and Michael Richards about 8 seconds after their incidents occurred.  Where’s the outcry?  Believe me, I’m no political correctness policeman, but c’mon, nothing about this anywhere?  To Michael’s defense, he did apologize:  “I do want to apologize for those comments.  They were inappropriate and insensitive.  My whole thing, what I always try to do, is give people a first-hand knowledge of what it’s like in the locker room and how we as players joke around with one another.  This is how I joke around with Romo when we’re playing basketball … certainly, there’s a difference from me the player and me the broadcaster. We may joke around like that in the locker room, and I’m trying to bring them in the locker room.”  I don’t know what any of that means.  I do know Aaron Frickin Boone tore up his knee playing basketball.  The Tuna can be none to happy.  Neither can ESPN, the World Wide Leaders.

Side Note:  Why the gratuitous picture of Jessica Simpson?  I heard somewhere she’s dating Tony Romo.

Public Knowledge:

1.  Ben Wallace is in hot water for wearing a headband.  Apparently, the Bulls frown on that sort of behavior.  Slick Watts must be rolling over in his grave.  Slick is his name, let him play his game.  I loved that cat.  Donald Earl “Slick” Watts.  New York City playground legend.  Seattle SuperSonics.  In 1976, he led the league in assists, and steals.  Got hurt, and that was that.  He’s still alive.  He was bald and wore a headband.  Looked real cool.  Nobody else was doing it.  Slick Watts lady and gentlemen.

2.  I’m sick of the all those holier than thous complaining that McGwire shouldn’t be on the same ballot with Gwynn and Cal.  Who’s to say those dudes weren’t on the juice.  In 1988, at the age of 28, Gwynn hit .313. The next year, his average went up to .336 but after that, he hit .309, .317 and .317.  Out of nowhere, at the ripe old age of 33, Gwynn miraculously boosts his average to .358.   At 34, he hit .394.  At 35, 36 and 37 he hit .368, .353 and .372.   Hmmm.  A 37-year-old Tony Gwynn hits 59 points better than a 28-year-old Tony Gwynn.  Interesting.   And what about your boy Cal?  The year Brady Anderson hit 50 bombs, Cal racked up more total bases and posted a higher slugging percentage than he had in the five previous seasons.  Curious, no?  To play all those games in a row sure does take some cheerleader like recovery.  Heroes style.   Don’t you think?  I’m just saying.  Who the hell knows?

3.  Word has it the Sox offered D-Mat around 7 mil.  Boras is looking for 15 mil.  The Sox insist this move was not made merely to block the Bombers from getting him.  In fact, Larry Lucchino called that notion “preposterous.”  I like that word, preposterous.  I’m gonna use it more.

4.  The New York Yankees get the chance to sign a Japanese pitcher of their own.  $26,000,194 for the right to negotiate with lefty Kei Igawa.  Does that mean he’s half as good as D-Mat?

5. The Silent Killer at it again.  Michael Redd.  45 points and two four point plays.  Yowza!  Bucks win!  Bucks win!  Beat the Lakers.  

6.  Nets freefall continues.  Lose their sixth straight.  Lose to the Bobcats.  Good grief.  You know what that means sports fans?  The Celtics are all alone in first place.  Just preposterous.  I would not want to be Joumana Kidd about now.  Not only did the Nets lose six in a row, Kidd scored only six points.  The fifth straight game in which he has failed to score in double-figures.  That matched the longest streak of Kidd’s NBA career.

7.  Ha ha Chompers.  Bruins smash the Leafs 4-1.  The second time in four days the B’s beat those cats.  Tim Thomas made 45 saves, the most saves by a Bruins goaltender in a win since Oct. 29, 1996, when Bill Ranford stopped 46 shots in a 5-2 victory over Puddy’s boys.  You remember Ranford.  Conn Smythe Trophy winner.  Oilers.  Grant Fuhr’s back up.  Then won a Cup of his own.  The last Cup that Edmonton squad would win.  Not for nothing, Ranford played the on-ice scenes as Jim Craig in the movie Miracle.

Public Spectacle:

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

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