Josh Q. Public: Tiny little pants, chain around my boot. Shakin’ in the dark, I’m a teen-age prostitute.
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! What the hell is going on around here? I’m still reeling from the OJ nonsense. Now this? Jeepers crow! It sounds like a story from the Onion. We wish. It’s true boys and girls. Iron Mike Tyson, Kid Dynamite, is indeed joining the world’s oldest profession. He is switching pimps. Giving up Don King and taking on Heidi Fleiss. He’s coming for you ladies. His penis is impetuous. His clientele is hopefully impregnable. He’s just ferocious. He wants your ass. He wants to eat your… well you get the point. Praise be to Allah! Iron Mike is going to be the “Stallion” of Fleiss’ new bordello, the Stud Farm. I can hear it now, “You’re sweet. I’m going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I’m gonna make you my girlfriend.” Maybe now he can finally try out some of those moves he learned in prison. I’m no human resources expert or anything, but is this really a good idea? Who is going to insure that train wreck? The good hands people? Well, who am I to judge? Joe Wapner? No I am I not. The whole thing did get me thinking though. There was a time we tried to find Mike’s place in boxing history. Now, I’m trying to figure out if this whore thing could be a trend. What if more boxers decided to give it a go? What would be their place in the prostitute world? Now isn’t that a perfect segue for a top 10 list? In fact, the idea’s so nice, I’ll do it twice. Top 10 boxing prostitutes. Worst 10 boxing prostitutes. Without any further adieu:
Top 10 Boxing Prostitutes:
10. Arturo “Thunder” Gatti
9. Ray “Boom Boom” Mancini
8. Michael “Second” To Nunn
7. Hector “Macho” Camacho
6. James “Hard Rock” Green
5. John “the Beast” Mugabi
4. “The Raging Bull” Jake LaMotta
3. Riddick “Big Daddy” Bowe
2. “The Motor City Cobra” Tommy Hearns
1. Marvelous Marvin Hagler
Worst Ten Boxing Prostitutes:
10. Ernie “the Acorn” Shavers
9. “Irish” Micky Ward
8. Chuck Wepner, “the Bayonne Bleeder”
7. ”The Cincinatti Flash”, Ezzard Charles
6. Pernell “Sweet Pea” Whitaker
5. Bobby “No Dice” Chacon
4. “Terrible” Tim Weather Spoon
3. James “Quick” Tillis
2. Ronald “Winky” Wright
1. Roberto “No Mas” Duran
Public Knowledge:
1. The reports of Tom Brady’s death were greatly exaggerated. Somebody had to pay. Somebody had to pay for those two losses in a row. Somebody had to pay for ESPN disrespecting us all week. May as well be the Packers. May as well be Brett Favre. I just hope he goes easy on those pain killers. The Patriots just stomp on the Pack. I can’t say it does my heart good to see Testaverde come in there, but hey, you can’t have everything.
2. I was torn with this game. I have McNabb on my fantasy team so I was 
devastated. Just devastated. Romo is my back-up. I hope that’s enough. But, I love Vince Young. He is clearly the cream of this year’s crop. Marching through the Philadelphia defense like nobody’s business. I really want this kid to make it. More than the rest. More than St. Reggie. More than Paris Hilton’s baby daddy boyfriend. Almost as much as Laurence Maroney. Vince was efficient. Very efficient. In the NFL, an efficient QB wins you a lot of ballgames. See Trent Dilfer. Young will be much more than efficient when his day comes. The Titans are much better today than they were 6 weeks ago. Travis Henry gets the game ball. 143 yds and a TD. McGahee who?
3. Celtics win three a row. The last time the Celtics were good was in 2002. Played in the Eastern Conference Championships. They had a point guard that went by the name of Kenny Anderson. The last true point guard the Celtics have had. The following year they traded Kenny for Saucy Baker. They’ve never recovered. They’ve never gotten anybody to replace him. I’m putting hope against hope, Bassy is the guy.
4. The Touchdown Maker. The Record Breaker. The Shake and Baker. The Icing on 
the Caker. LaDainian baby, LaDainian. Fastest to 100 TDs ever. His 21 TDs in the first ten games of a season? New record. His 19 touchdowns in his last six games? New record. His three touchdowns last night made it the fourth game in a row he’s rumbled for three scores. That too, my friends, is a new record. Move over Jim Brown. Move over Shaun Alexander. Dance on over Emmit. You too Jerry Rice. There’s a new sheriff in town. And he goes by the name of LaDainian Tomlinson. Oh ya, Chargers win! Chargers win! Move into first.
6. The Jets get crushed by the Bears and so do their playoff chances. Pennington’s two interceptions ended any hope of victory. Ha ha ha. Not for nothing, how does Fox miss the coverage on the on-sides kick. You know how? They were catering to all us fantasy nerds. That’s how. Like I said, you can’t have everything.
7. All of a sudden, the 49ers are one game out of first place. What happened? How do the Seahawks lose to them? Frank Gore. That’s how. The steal of everybody’s fantasy draft. Running roughshod all over Seattle. 212 yards. The Seahawks better get their stuff together or they’ll be on the outside looking in. Who 
woulda thunk?
8. 136 million over eight years for Fonzie. Holy schnikies. Looks like the Cubs are serious.
9. Poor Rutgers. Sugar Ray Rice and my Scarlet Knights lose their way back into oblivion.
10. Ocho Cinco tearing it up. 190 receiving yards. Three touchdowns. Those 190, coupled with his 260-yard extravaganza against the Chargers last week, Mohawk Man sets an all-time record for receiving yardage in consecutive games (450). The old mark 
was 448 yards by John Taylor of the 49ers. Remember him? Number 82. That’s when the 49ers were good. Remember? Remember 1989? When he caught the game winning 10-yard pass from Joe Cool in the waning seconds of Super Bowl XXIII. Sure you do.
11. We’re number two! We’re number two! Michigan remains number two in the BCS rankings. Let’s just say Michigan stays put at two and Ohio State likewise at one. Do they play for the championship? What if Michigan wins? Stupid. Playoffs baby, playoffs.
12. Y’know, I was thinking. The best thing that could happen to the Knicks is that they keep losing. Then, no more Isiah. Then I was thinking, Isiah is doing to the Knicks what Little Ricky Pitino did to the Celtics. Making them bad for a very long time. Only finding hope long after their gone, with somebody else cleaning up their mess.
13. If you haven’t seen HBO’s Jim Brown, All American, you should. If you’re not watching Showtime’s Dexter, you’re missing some must see TV. While I’m at it, save the cheerleader, save the world. Tonight.
14. Teemu Selanne registered a career-high five assists last night. Big deal. The coach he did it against, the Great One, assisted on five or more goals in a game 17 times. That’s more than any other three NHL players combined. Yowza!
15. Bill “The Killer” Mueller retires. Batting champ, Gold Glove caliber third baseman, instrumental member of the World Champion Red Sox.
16. The B.C. Lions defeated the Montreal Alouettes 25-14 at the 94th Grey Cup in front of 44,786 screaming Canadians at Canad Inns Stadium in Winnipeg, Manitoba. I wish Bishop and Toronto got in to win it.
Public Spectacle:
Peace out homies. Six Two and Even!
Need More? Boxing,Mike Tyson
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LT has 3+ TDs in FOUR consecutive games now. If you are going to steal info from my company on a daily basis, at least by accurate!
That’s what I said
I see
Nothing about the Dolphins??. -3 yards rushing and STILL get the win.
Look out! Look out I tell ya.. the fish are baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack
(maybe I should’ve waited until 4pm on thanksgiving to write this?)
what do you want me to say? Fins suck. still win. they’ll be fighting it out with the new jersey jets for second, and a spot not in the play-offs. Culpepper still hurt. ronnie brown still horrible. jason taylor stil can’t keep his hands off his teammates sisters. hey that’s not bad. shoudlv’e used it
Some would say Muellers rbi single to knock in Roberts in game four was his biggest hit for the us – but lets not forget the walkoff to win the ‘Brawl Game’….got to hand it to him – he owned the Sandman….and we are probably on 88 years and counting without him….
hey bird,
My Bill Mueller memory. 2004 against the Yankees regular season. I’m down the Jersey Shore. Bombers killing the Sox. I’m catching a ton of shit. We’re in a cab heading out, Bill the Killer Mueller hits a ding to win the game. I go nuts. Later in the evening, much later, we’re at a party. Start talking to these girls who are with these muscle head dudes in full Yankee regalia. We get the girls, throw them in a cab with the Yankee guys in hot pursuit. As the cab pulls away, I roll down the window and scream at them, BILL MUELLER BABY!!! The looks on their faces, priceless.
Than the alarm clock went off and you realized it was all a big dream.. the yanks were still in first, the red-sucks were on their way to the “pedro” game that I still laugh about.. AND those – those my friend, those were not girls.. and they were NOT leaving with you anyway..
but hey – everyone’s got to dream, right?
and watch out for the phins…
Close, very close. But Bishop plays for Toronto. Pulled off the big comeback in round one, lightning failed to strike twice in the semi-final. Ricky Williams hosted the season-ending par-tay.
I try. I remember when Bishop played for the Pats. Whenever Bledsoe looked a little shaky, we all begged for Bishop.
Nightmare,
Watch out for the phinns to do what exactly?
i want to have the resulta of this game oposed tyson and holifield the 10 november 2006