Speed of lightning, roar of thunder, fighting all who rob or plunder. -Underdog

Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go!  Paul Pierce.  The Truth.  The Truth is, he’s the most underrated player in the world, and nobody can tell me different.  Nobody.  The Truth is, the only reason the Boston Celtics were sitting pretty in first with five wins is Paul Pierce.  The only reason.  Do not kid yourselves.  You can Bassy me.  You can Big Show Powe me.  You can Gerald Green, the Three Point Machine me.  You can Kendrick Perkins me.  You can Al Jefferson me. You can Delonte West me.  Heck, you can even Wally me.  The only reason the Boston Celtics were sitting pretty in first with five wins is Paul Pierce.          Read More »

This is where the party ends.  I can’t stand here listening to you and your racist friend.  -They Might Be Giants

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Goodness gracious me oh my-oh.  I may be a day late and a dollar short on this one, but who cares?  I may be delving into scary territory here, but so what?  It’s always risky for a white dude to bring up the race card when it pertains to a black dude, but I don’t care.  This nonsense was just wrong.  Jimmy the Greek wrong.  Not for nothing, isn’t that name politically incorrect in and of itself?  The Right Reverend Reggie White wrong.  Al Campanis wrong.  Mel Gibson wrong.  Jesse Jackson wrong.  What?  Think we forgot the hymietown comments?  Michael Richards wrong.  Ricky Manning Jr. wrong.  John Rocker wrong.  Bob Ryan wrong.  Wrong, wrong, wrong.         Read More »

I set that place up on fire, as they came out, batted their heads like I was Mark McGuire.  I’m in the darkness.  -Insane Clown Posse

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go.  We all know.  We all know by now Big Mac tops the list of first-time Hall of Fame candidates on the 2007 ballot.  We all know by now this is a precedent setting vote.  We all know this year’s voters are going to be put under the microscope more than ever before.  They will be under the microscope now that the first cat from the steroid era stands before St. Peter awaiting judgment.  Awaiting judgment for entrance through the Pearly Gates.  Does Joe Cowley get to vote?  Let’s hope not.  Anyway.  Big Mac.  In or out?  It’s a tough one.  Our guts say absofrickalutely not!  It’s not that easy folks.  Let’s look at this rationally, by the book.  Shall we?       Read More »

Just gimme the yachts, gimme my rocks, keep my fans coming in flocks.  Till you top the Rose Bowl, keep your mouth on lock.  -Nelly

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Mighty Vince Young.  Welcome.  Welcome everybody to the Vince Young era.  He has arrived.  He almost arrived two weeks ago against the Ravens, only to come up short.  He didn’t come up short this week.  He is everything Michael Vick yearns to be.  A complete quarterback.           Read More »

Tiny little pants, chain around my boot.  Shakin’ in the dark, I’m a teen-age prostitute.  -Frank Zappa

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  What the hell is going on around here?  I’m still reeling from the OJ nonsense.  Now this?  Jeepers crow!  It sounds like a story from the Onion.  We wish.  It’s true boys and girls.  Iron Mike Tyson, Kid Dynamite, is indeed joining the world’s oldest profession.  He is switching pimps.  Giving up Don King and taking on Heidi Fleiss.  He’s coming for you ladies.  His penis is impetuous.  His clientele is hopefully impregnable.  He’s just ferocious.  He wants your ass.  He wants to eat your… well you get the point. Praise be to Allah!  Iron Mike is going to be the “Stallion” of Fleiss’ new bordello, the Stud Farm.  I can hear it now, “You’re sweet. I’m going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips.  I’m gonna make you my girlfriend.”  Maybe now he can finally try out some of those moves he learned in prison.  I’m no human resources expert or anything, but is this really a good idea?  Who is going to insure that train wreck?  The good hands people?  Well, who am I to judge?  Joe Wapner?   No I am I not.  The whole thing did get me thinking though.  There was a time we tried to find Mike’s place in boxing history.  Now, I’m trying to figure out if this whore thing could be a trend.  What if more boxers decided to give it a go?  What would be their place in the prostitute world? Now isn’t that a perfect segue for a top 10 list?  In fact, the idea’s so nice, I’ll do it twice.  Top 10 boxing prostitutes.  Worst 10 boxing prostitutes.  Without any further adieu:                  Read More »

Got more numbers than you can dial, maybe it’s because I’m so versatile. -Beastie Boys

Hold onto your hats sports fans.  Here he comes.  Here comes LaDainian Tomlinson.  The One Man Touchdown Factory.  Scoring them in bunches.  In droves.  A plethora of touchdowns.  More touchdowns than you can shake a stick at.  If that’s your idea of a good time.  We all know he’s been tearing it up.  But how good has he been?  Well that’s what I’m here for.  Let’s get to it, shall we?  Sure we shall.            Read More »

Three The Hard Way -Third Bass

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Two in a row on the Celtics?  What’s wrong with this cat?  Does he want to lose all his readers?  Both of them?  No Binky.  You got it all wrong.  Not two in a row on the Celtics, it’s two in a row for the Celtics.  And as we all know, two can be as sad as one.  So let’s make it three.  Gerald Green style.  From Dunk Machine to Three Point Machine.  Let’s make it three against Isiah “If He Were Black, He’d Be Just Another Good Player” Thomas. Let’s make it three against the New York Knicks.  Trying to go on a little run of their own.  No worries, sports fans.  We got this one.  Not one Knick can cover the Truth.  Not one.  Expect a gigantohugemongus game from Paul in a win tonight.  That’s right, gigantohugemongus.  In a win.  A win that could pull us out of the power rankings basement.  Hey, you gotta start somewhere.  Leon ‘The Big Show’ Powe playing like he belongs.  Who knew this cat had wheels?  He gets from the foul line to the hizzy awfully quick.  Bassy playing like he hears the Rajon Rondo whispers.  Let’s see if he can keep it up two games in a row.  Something I haven’t seen yet.  Something that started those Rajon Rondo whispers.        Read More »

Let me get some action from the back section.  We need body rocking, not perfection. -Beastie Boys

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Just a short one today.  My plea to the Boston Celtics.  Please play Gerald Green the Dunk Machine.  Please baby, please baby, please baby, baby baby please!  Just do it.  Let him run free.  Let him do his thang.  Let him tear it up.  Ever since the final few games last year, I knew something special was brewing with this kid.  From everything I’ve seen so far, this cat is silky schmoove.  His hops and athleticism unrivaled.  He’s electrifying.  He’s death defying, stupifying,  high flying, mortifying, satisfying, super skying, leaves suckers crying, no denying, egg frying, I ain’t lying.  When he tried out for the Hornets, Lord Byron had this to say:  “He is the best player we have brought in, athletic wise.  He is off the charts.  His vertical was by far the best of any player we have had in here.”  You’ve seen him.  You saw him in his first game.  Vegas Summer League.  Vegas baby, Vegas.          Read More »

Rows and floes of angel hair; and ice cream castles in the air.  -Joni Mitchell

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Bobby Knight.  We all saw it by now.  We all saw Bobby give Michael Prince that slap in the face.  That attention grabber.  That attention grabber on the sideline during a timeout.  If we were living in vaccuum, this would be no big deal.  In and of itself, that little jab was nothing.  But we don’t live in a vacuum.  That little jab did not happen in and of itself.  The General has been here before.  And before that.  And before that.  So many before thats, in fact, I’ve lost count.  Now, if we were living in a vacuum, all those “and before thats” would surely have cast Bobby Knight out of the basketball world.  In and of themselves, all those “before thats” would have added up to Bobby Knight being out of our hardwood heads a long time ago.  But again, we don’t live in a vacuum.  That’s what makes the Bobby Knight story so difficult.             Read More »

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  What’s crack-a-lacking sports fans?  Happy day, oh happy day.  Screw ‘em.  Screw ‘em all!  From Buster Olney to Greg Dovel to Tom Verducci to bitter, sour grape eatin’ Yankee fans everywhere.  We got him! We really got him!  I don’t care how much money we spent.  Like my main man the Hit Dog, Mo Vaughn, always says:  “It’s not about the money.”  No it’s not.  It’s about winning ballgames.  And last I checked, pitching wins ball games.  See Chris Carpenter and the St. Louis Cardinals.  See the entire White Sox staff.  See Curt Schilling and the Boston Red Sox.  You’re only as good as your next starter and all that.  Well our next starter is Daisuke Matsuzaka.  Make sure you spell it right.          

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