I’ve never embedded video before. If this works, the revolution will be televised! Saddle your ponies, you bet!
Josh Q. Public: Speed of lightning, roar of thunder, fighting all who rob or plunder. -Underdog
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Paul Pierce. The Truth. The Truth is, he’s the most underrated player in the world, and nobody can tell me different. Nobody. The Truth is, the only reason the Boston Celtics were sitting pretty in first with five wins is Paul Pierce. The only reason. Do not kid yourselves. You can Bassy me. You can Big Show Powe me. You can Gerald Green, the Three Point Machine me. You can Kendrick Perkins me. You can Al Jefferson me. You can Delonte West me. Heck, you can even Wally me. The only reason the Boston Celtics were sitting pretty in first with five wins is Paul Pierce. Faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than a locomotive. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. It’s the Truth. He wills the Celtics to victory. If Boston loses, don’t even think to glance over at Paul. I can assure you it wasn’t his fault. PPG 27.2 | RPG 9 | APG 3.8. That’s more points than Vee Dot Carter. More points than Disco Dirk. More than the Mamba. More than T-Mac. More than the Black President. That’s more boards than Lamar Odom. More boards than the Matrix. More than ŽydrÅ«na “the Wall” Ilgauskas. More than Ron Ron. More than Amare Stoudemire. That’s more dimes than Madison Square Gordon. More dimes than the Glove. More than Big Nate Robinson. More than Smush. The Truth goes to the line more than everybody except AI and Flash. Think this cat doesn’t play hard? Think again. He wills this team to win. Against the Bucks the other night, Paul scored 34 points. Scored 16 in the third quarter. Single-handedly erasing a 14-point halftime deficit. Single-handedly took the lead at the end of the third quarter. Carried the Celtics to victory. Period. Held the Silent Killer Michael Redd to 24. No easy feat. But Pierce cannot do it alone. If Boston gets somebody to rebound the ball effectively. You can’t win without the ball. If Boston gets somebody to rebound the ball effectively and they get somebody to handle the ball with consistency. You can’t win if you can’t hold onto the ball. If Boston gets somebody to rebound the ball effectively and they get somebody to handle the ball with consistency, they will start winning some ball games. If they start winning ball games consistently, the accolades will come. It’s tough to win awards, when you’re not winning ball games. And that’s the double truth Ruth. Mister Señor Love Daddy style.
Public Knowledge:
1. I swear to god I did not watch Monday Night Football. My boy, the Mind, told me Slick Watts was all over it. I had no idea. I watched Heroes. Save the cheerleader, save the world, and all. When my buddy told me, I felt all broke like.
2. I watched about a quarter of the Nets/Bobcats game the other night. Macho Morrison just stands behind the arc. In one spot. Waits for the rock. Then creates from there. Either the tre or to the hizzy. Whichever you give him. Make you feel all broke like. That was the Charlotte offense. It worked.
3. My boy Jamie texted me yesterday. Said: “Fear the Turtle.” Jamie’s an ACC guy. Always has been. I was always a Big East guy. Now having no choice of my own, I’m an ACC guy. Anyway, I remember one night, bombed, in the Red Lion, down in DC. Jamie was spewing nonsense about MJ before MJ was even MJ. So, my point is, if he says “fear the Turtle”, maybe we should fear the Turtle.
4. A Tale of One City: Who’s a bigger cancer, Starbury or Zeke? Discuss amongst yourselves. And I mean it this time. Amongst yourselves.
5. Not for nothing, David Lee is the best Knick. And not for nothing else, the Half Bald Prince’s boy was right, Channing Frye is the next Charles Smith.
6. Look for D-Mat to sign in the eleven million dollar range. I just can’t see this thing not happening. Just can’t see it. Mr. Magoo style.
7. Slick Watts. Uchhhhh. I swear to you. I saw the Big Ben Wallace story. My synapses immediately flickered to that old Slick Watts Sports Illustrated cover. I can see it on top of the radiator in our den growing up. I swear, I never saw MNF. Honest injun. Cigar Store Indian style. I feel all broke like still.
8. College Basketball’s best kept secret. The Nevada Wolf Pack’s Nick Fazekas. Whenever I think of the Nevada Wolf Pack, I think of Reno 911. Those cats are always talking about the lady Wolf Pack. Anyway, Nick Fazekas. Senior power forward. 5th in the nation in scoring. 1st in the nation in rebounding. Nevada is ranked 20th in the country. You can thank Little Nicky for that. Plays smart. Plays hard. Real good on the offensive end. Can score inside and out. Diana Ross style.
9. Maybe his wife was right. Michael Strahan threw a hissy fit when reporter called him out on comments he made on the radio regarding Plaxico. Strahan: “It’s a shame. You can’t give up. You can’t quit, because you’re not quitting on yourself, you’re quitting on everybody. I don’t quite understand what his lack of motivation is in those types of situations.” Hey Mike, stop calling out your teammates in the press, and then, the press won’t have to ask you questions about it. How bout that?
10. Are things that bad in Houston they have to do this? They have to try out Justin Juice Gatlin. Isn’t that just asking for trouble? I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. Think they wish they drafted Mighty Vince Young? This David Carr character just doesn’t seem to be getting it done. Not for nothing, Gatlin will not be the first disgraced sprinter to try out for the NFL. The shame of Canada, Ben Johnson had a work-out with the Cowboys. British sprinter Dwain Chambers had a tryout with the 49ers. Never made the team. Chambers ran for gold in Munich in the 100m. He was later stripped of said gold. Outed in the 2003 BALCO doping scandal. THG. As far as we know, Bullet Bob Hayes and Skeets weren’t juicing. Skeets got himself a ring.
11. Detroit’s Kronk Gym shuts down. CBGB’s style. End of an era. The gym of champions. Kronk’s produced the Golden Boy. Kronk’s produced the Real Deal. Kronk’s produced the Hit Man. Kronk’s produced Michael Moorer. Remember Foreman just hung around and hung around against Moorer. Then boom goes the dynamite! He’s the new Champion of the World. Fantastic! Kronk’s produced Milton “the Ice Man” McCrory. Kronk’s produced his brother, Steve “the Bluesman” McCrory. Kronk’s produced Kermit “El Asesino” Cintron. Kronk’s produced Duane Thomas. Kronk’s produced Gerald “the G-Man” McClellan. Kronk’s produced their first champion, Hilmer Kenty. You can’t mention Kronk’s and not mention Emmanuel Steward. One of the greatest of them all. Trainer extraordinaire. Some other moments in Kronk’s history:
A) William “Caveman” Lee, who had fought Marvelous Marvin Hagler for the middleweight championship, losing by a knockout in 67 seconds, robs a bank in Detroit, goes to prison for three years.
B) Leslie “Lemonade” Gardner, 26, in mistaken belief he is being tailed by police, swallows drugs he had in his car, overdoses, crashes and dies.
C) Emanuel Steward is inducted into Boxing Hall of Fame.
D) Duane Thomas, 39, former Super-Welterweight Champion and a Kronk original, is murdered on the sidewalk outside an east-side party store, shot in the base of the skull, the chest, forearm, hip, thigh and flank by a 9mm gun. Police describe it as a drug dispute; an autopsy finds drugs in Thomas’ system.
12. If you watched the Knicks game last night, raise your hand. Knicks win. Beat King James. Good for them. Now, did you see Big Nate Robinson’s failed dunk attempt? What an eeediot! Ren style. Makes a nice little steal. Easy lay-up right? Nope. Not good enough for Big Nate. Takes two steps, bounces the rock off the floor like he’s in the McDonald’s All American Slam Dunk Contest, and before he can even catch the ball in mid-air, he is whistled for traveling. What an eeediot! Hey Big Nate, I got some news for ya, two is two.
13. College football game of the week. Arkansas/Florida. Darren McFadden just grinds it out against the Gators en route to victory and the Heisman.
14. Speaking of the Heisman. Sugar Ray Rice just drops right out of the conversation. Even if he puts up sensational numbers against the Mountaineers, he won’t be able to recover after the Cincinnati loss. The only chance he had was for the Scarlet Knights to run the table.
15. In the good news bad news department. Mavericks win their 11th straight. Mavericks lose Disco Dirk. Mark Cuban cannot be happy. Too bad he’s not talking about the NBA anymore. He did say this about Dirk: “Watching Dirk is of course amazing. He does thing no other 7 footer can, and often punctuates possessions with a jumper that is so smooth that as the ball falls through the cords, you immediately think of Wesley Snipes line from White Men Can’t Jump: ‘Pretty, so Pretty.’” Well that makes me immediately think of Nicholas Colasanto’s line from Raging Bull: “He ain’t pretty no more.”
16. I’m really starting to think Whinie the Pujols is a jerk. First his comments about Big Game Tommy in the play-offs. Now this: “I see it this way: Someone who doesn’t take his team to the playoffs doesn’t deserve to win the MVP.” Just shut up and play. You won a ring for god’s sakes. Isn’t that what you cats always say it’s all about?
17. How do the Miami Hurricanes get invited to a Bowl game? It’s just preposterous.
18. Are we talking about bowling? Not a game. Not a game. Not a game. Bowling? We’re talking about bowling? Bowling? Iverson faces fine for missing team bowling event. Preposterous. I bet he feels all broke.
Public Spectacle:
Peace out homies. Six two and Even!
Josh Q. Public: This is where the party ends. I can’t stand here listening to you and your racist friend.
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! Goodness gracious me oh my-oh. I may be a day late and a dollar short on this one, but who cares? I may be delving into scary territory here, but so what? It’s always risky for a white dude to bring up the race card when it pertains to a black dude, but I don’t care. This nonsense was just wrong. Jimmy the Greek wrong. Not for nothing, isn’t that name politically incorrect in and of itself? The Right Reverend Reggie White wrong. Al Campanis wrong. Mel Gibson wrong. Jesse Jackson wrong. What? Think we forgot the hymietown comments? Michael Richards wrong. Ricky Manning Jr. wrong. John Rocker wrong. Bob Ryan wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. In case you have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about, you can listen here. If you’re at work or don’t feel like listening, let me break it down for you. Michael Irvin on the Dan Patrick radio show talking about the Cowboys win over the then undefeated Colts. Michael says Tony Romo outplayed your boy Peyton Manning. No problems there. He did. The Playmaker then says Tony Romo “doesn’t look like that type of athlete.” Uh oh. What type of athlete, Mike? Danger Will Robinson, danger! Wait for it, wait for it, boom goes the dynamite! “There must be some brothers in that line somewhere…somewhere there are some brothers…I don’t know who saw what, where…maybe his great, great, great, great Grandma ran over in the hood or something went down.” What the hell does that mean? Dan Patrick wanted to know the same thing. He asked Michael, “That’s the only way to be a great athlete?” You think this would be the part of the story where Irvin regains composure and talks some sense. Nothing doing. “No, that’s not the only way…but it’s certainly one way…maybe his great, great, great, great Grandma pulled one of them studs up outta the barn and said 
‘come here for a second’…back in the day.” Yikes. You can’t say that anymore. If you say that, you better check yourself into rehab just to save some face. And not for nothing again, but Mike sure sounded baked during the whole interview. Giggling like a schoolgirl throughout. Where’s Tom Jackson calling Mike a retard when you need him. Oooh, can I say that? Goodness. Didn’t Rush get shitcanned for talking that baloney. Isn’t Borat on the ropes for perceived racism? Aren’t Danish cartoonists everywhere hiding for their lives? To be honest, I think it’s kind of funny. What’s funnier is I never heard about it until today. I heard about 
Mel Gibson and Michael Richards about 8 seconds after their incidents occurred. Where’s the outcry? Believe me, I’m no political correctness policeman, but c’mon, nothing about this anywhere? To Michael’s defense, he did apologize: “I do want to apologize for those comments. They were inappropriate and insensitive. My whole thing, what I always try to do, is give people a first-hand knowledge of what it’s like in the locker room and how we as players joke around with one another. This is how I joke around with Romo when we’re playing basketball … certainly, there’s a difference from me the player and me the broadcaster. We may joke around like that in the locker room, and I’m trying to bring them in the locker room.” I don’t know what any of that means. I do know Aaron Frickin Boone tore up his knee playing basketball. The Tuna can be none to happy. Neither can ESPN, the World Wide Leaders.
Side Note: Why the gratuitous picture of Jessica Simpson? I heard somewhere she’s dating Tony Romo.
Public Knowledge:
1. Ben Wallace is in hot water for wearing a headband. Apparently, the Bulls frown 
on that sort of behavior. Slick Watts must be rolling over in his grave. Slick is his name, let him play his game. I loved that cat. Donald Earl “Slick” Watts. New York City playground legend. Seattle SuperSonics. In 1976, he led the league in assists, and steals. Got hurt, and that was that. He’s still alive. He was bald and wore a headband. Looked real cool. Nobody else was doing it. Slick Watts lady and gentlemen.
2. I’m sick of the all those holier than thous complaining that McGwire shouldn’t be on the same ballot with Gwynn and Cal. Who’s to say those dudes weren’t on the juice. In 1988, at the age of 28, Gwynn hit .313. The next year, his average went up to .336 but after that, he hit .309, .317 and .317. Out of nowhere, at the ripe old age of 33, Gwynn miraculously boosts his average to .358. At 34, he hit .394. At 35, 36 and 37 he hit .368, .353 and .372. Hmmm. A 37-year-old Tony Gwynn hits 59 points better than a 28-year-old Tony Gwynn. Interesting. And what about your boy Cal? The year Brady Anderson hit 50 bombs, Cal racked up more total bases and posted a higher slugging percentage than he had in the five previous seasons. Curious, no? To play all those games in a row sure does take some cheerleader like recovery. Heroes style. Don’t you think? I’m just saying. Who the hell knows?
3. Word has it the Sox offered D-Mat around 7 mil. Boras is looking for 15 mil. The Sox insist this move was not made merely to block the Bombers from getting him. In fact, Larry Lucchino called that notion “preposterous.” I like that word, 
preposterous. I’m gonna use it more.
4. The New York Yankees get the chance to sign a Japanese pitcher of their own. $26,000,194 for the right to negotiate with lefty Kei Igawa. Does that mean he’s half as good as D-Mat?
5. The Silent Killer at it again. Michael Redd. 45 points and two four point plays. Yowza! Bucks win! Bucks win! Beat the Lakers.
6. Nets freefall continues. Lose their sixth straight. Lose to the Bobcats. Good 
grief. You know what that means sports fans? The Celtics are all alone in first place. Just preposterous. I would not want to be Joumana Kidd about now. Not only did the Nets lose six in a row, Kidd scored only six points. The fifth straight game in which he has failed to score in double-figures. That matched the longest streak of Kidd’s NBA career.
7. Ha ha Chompers. Bruins smash the Leafs 4-1. The second time in four days the B’s beat those cats. Tim Thomas made 45 saves, the most saves by a Bruins goaltender in a win since Oct. 29, 1996, when Bill Ranford stopped 46 shots in a 5-2 victory over Puddy’s boys. You remember Ranford. Conn Smythe Trophy winner. Oilers. Grant Fuhr’s back up. Then won a Cup of his own. The last Cup that Edmonton squad would win. Not for nothing, Ranford played the on-ice scenes as Jim Craig in the movie Miracle.
Public Spectacle:
Peace out homies. Six Two and Even!
I set that place up on fire, as they came out, batted their heads like I was Mark McGuire. I’m in the darkness. -Insane Clown Posse
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go. We all know. We all know by now Big Mac tops the list of first-time Hall of Fame candidates on the 2007 ballot. We all know by now this is a precedent setting vote. We all know this year’s voters are going to be put under the microscope more than ever before. They will be under the microscope now that the first cat from the steroid era stands before St. Peter awaiting judgment. Awaiting judgment for entrance through the Pearly Gates. Does Joe Cowley get to vote? Let’s hope not. Anyway. Big Mac. In or out? It’s a tough one. Our guts say absofrickalutely not! It’s not that easy folks. Let’s look at this rationally, by the book. Shall we? Read More »
Josh Q. Public: Just gimme the yachts, gimme my rocks, keep my fans coming in flocks. Till you top the Rose Bowl, keep your mouth on lock.
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! Mighty Vince Young. Welcome. Welcome everybody to the Vince Young era. He has arrived. He almost arrived two weeks ago against the Ravens, only to come up short. He didn’t come up short this week. He is everything Michael Vick yearns to be. A complete quarterback. But he’s got an awkward throwing motion. So what? He’s a winner. But he runs too much. So what? He’s a winner. But he did poorly on the Wonderlic. So what? He’s a winner. He wins. He won in high school. He won 
in college. He’ll win in the NFL. I have seen the future of NFL football, and his name is Vince Young. Did yesterday earn him Rookie of the Year? You betcha. He’s 4-4 on an absolutely horrible team. In the last seven minutes in a game against the New York football Giants, Vince absolutely dragged his Tennessee Titans across the goal line for 24 points and victory. He threw two touchdown passes and ran for another in that fourth quarter. He finished the day with 249 yards in the air, 69 on the ground, hee hee hee, 69, and no interceptions. This was his coming-out party. On the first drive of the comeback, he was George Patton, Douglas MacArthur and Stonewall Jackson, all rolled into 
one. Mixing the run and the pass masterfully. Interchanging long runs with short passes like he’s been doing it for years. On each drive, Young was in full command. Never panicked. He waited as patiently as a saint for his receivers to work their routes. He used his head and his legs to evade would-be tacklers. He worked the clock like a wily old veteran. He ran with style. Vince Young style. Not to be confused with Michael Vick style. Vince Young style is 
unhurried. It’s thoughtful. Most importantly, it’s effective. Very effective. This win was the biggest comeback by a rookie quarterback in NFL history. Vince passed Hall of Fame QB John Elway. Not bad. Not bad at all. But why should we be surprised? We all saw him do it before. And believe you me; we’ll all see him do it again.
Public Knowledge:
1. How ’bout them Cowboys? Tony Romo leading Dallas and my fantasy squad to victory. Hop on my back boys and I’ll take you to the Promised Land. Cedric Maxwell style. Maybe this Tuna character knows what he’s doing. Giants out. Cowboys in.
2. How ’bout them Patriots? Tom Brady remains the best quarterback in football today. Peyton Manning be damned. Running around like Mighty Vince Young. It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t a blowout. It was a win. Against the second coming of the Monsters of the Midway. Just win baby! We’ll take it.
3. Who dey? Who dey? Who dey think gonna beat them Bengals. Not dem Browns. Dem Browns are awful. Charlie Frye throws 4 interceptions. I’d say bench him, but then what? Tony Romo’s not walking through that door. Ken Dorsey is. Derek Anderson is. Not the Kentucky, NBA Derek Anderson either. That’s why Frye will reamain the Browns QB. That’s why they will continue to be awful. Not for nothing, the leading rusher for dem Browns? Jerome Harrison with 18 yards. Yechhhh!
4. LaDainian Tomlinson. The hero for yet another week. We knew this cat could run the football. We knew this cat could catch the football. Now we know this cat can throw the football. Is there nothing he can’t do? I’d let him play D. I’d let him drive the team bus. I’d let him deliver my first born. He seems to everything better than everybody else. Tomlinson has scored at least twice in his last five games. His total of 16 TDs during that time is the highest five-game total in NFL history. Jim Brown All American held that mark for 48 years. 48! 14 TDs over five games in 1958.
5. The feel good story of the NFL feels even better. They win, 
and win big, without their top rookie. No, St. Reggie played. Marques Colston didn’t. The Saints top receiver. Drew Brees shows he’s the best QB in the NFC. Phillip Rivers is good and all. He ain’t this good. What if the Chargers went with a wide receiver in that 2004 draft and kept Brees. Whoa Nelly! 21-of-30 for 349 yards. For those of you keeping score, that’s his fifth straight game eclipsing 300 yards. Yowza! Brees’ total of 1,954 passing yards over his last five games is the highest five-game total in history. The previous record was 1,947 yards by Kurt Warner in 2000. Oh ya, the other QB, Michael Vick, pulls a Byung-Hyun Kim and flips off the fans. Mighty Vince Young would never do that.
6. I guess the Isiah/Starbury love story comes to an end. Stephon refuses to shoot in Saturday’s game against the Bulls. Geez, he must really be upset if he’s not shooting. I never saw anyone who likes to shoot more than him since Rick Barry stopped playing.
7. Very quietly the Ravens are dominating. Big Ben gets sacked 9 times. That’s a lot. One of them was very nasty. Very nasty indeed. Bart Scott made my teeth rattle. Willie Parker ran for a whopping 22 yards. Fantasy owners can’t be happy. Steeler fans cannot be happy. Super Bowl Ring not-with-standing, they are terrible. Three and out after three and out. Gardocki punt after Gardocki punt. Incompletion after incompletion. Just awful.
8. Colts crush the McNabbless Eagles. Joseph Addai runs for 171 yards and 4 TDs. Yowza! What did the Edge do you ask? 4 carries for 15 yards. Enough said. I was one of those guys who thought the Colts were in trouble losing James. I was one of those guys who was wrong. The Colts look good. Real good. Super good. Manning breaks another record. The fastest player in league history to 3,000 yards. Faster than Marino. Faster than Bledsoe. Faster than your mom. Joseph Addai’s four rushing touchdowns ties the all-time record for rookies. Among the many rookies with four rushing TDs in one game: Jim Brown, Bill Kilmer, Gale Sayers, and that dancing fool Emmitt Smith.
9. Jake Plummer put down. Old Yeller style. Let the Jay Cutler era begin. If they’re gonna play three games on Thanksgiving, let everybody watch them. It’s just mean. Oh ya, Chiefs win! Chiefs win! Larry Johnson is a beast. Trent Green stops all the Damon Huard nonsense.
10. The only reason I mention this game at all is the numbers are ridiculous. Jets win. Good for them. They should have. The Texans are horrendous. Think they could use Vince Young? Ok, those numbers. The leading rushers. Wali “Triple” Lundy with 11 for Houston. Leon “the Bird” Washington with 17. The Jets (27) and Texans (25) combined for 52 rushing yards, the fourth-lowest single-game total in NFL history. Just stupid.
11. Just for you Nightmare. The only reason this is in here is I don’t want to read, “No Dolphins?” The story of the game: Joey Harrington fed peach cobbler by the spleenless kid’s grandmother after taking a Gatorade shower. That’s it. That’s the story of the game. Dolphins win and all, but at this point, who cares? How many teammates sisters is Jason Taylor going to go through when all is said and done? That’s what I want to know.
12. Everybody’s favorite baller, Fabricio Oberto. Oberto continued his torrid shooting, going 7-for-8 from the field to score 16 points in the Spurs’ 98-78 win at Seattle. San Antonio improved its record to 7-0 on the road, and Fabricio has been the man. He has made 26 of 33 field-goal attempts in the Spurs’ seven road games (79 percent).
13. Packers/Seahawks tonight. I won’t be watching. I’ll be watching Heroes. ESPN seems to have ruined MNF. It’s just not fun anymore. I thought I’d love Kornheiser, but ESPN has handcuffed him. The whole production has been dummified and Disnified. Sunday Night is the new Monday Night.
14. Hey, look who’s in first. Yup, the Boston Celtics. Sitting pretty atop the Atlantic with a glowing 5-8 record.
Public Spectacle:
Peace out homies. Six two and Even!
Josh Q. Public: See you sunday!
Josh Q. Public: Tiny little pants, chain around my boot. Shakin’ in the dark, I’m a teen-age prostitute.
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! What the hell is going on around here? I’m still reeling from the OJ nonsense. Now this? Jeepers crow! It sounds like a story from the Onion. We wish. It’s true boys and girls. Iron Mike Tyson, Kid Dynamite, is indeed joining the world’s oldest profession. He is switching pimps. Giving up Don King and taking on Heidi Fleiss. He’s coming for you ladies. His penis is impetuous. His clientele is hopefully impregnable. He’s just ferocious. He wants your ass. He wants to eat your… well you get the point. Praise be to Allah! Iron Mike is going to be the “Stallion” of Fleiss’ new bordello, the Stud Farm. I can hear it now, “You’re sweet. I’m going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I’m gonna make you my girlfriend.” Maybe now he can finally try out some of those moves he learned in prison. I’m no human resources expert or anything, but is this really a good idea? Who is going to insure that train wreck? The good hands people? Well, who am I to judge? Joe Wapner? No I am I not. The whole thing did get me thinking though. There was a time we tried to find Mike’s place in boxing history. Now, I’m trying to figure out if this whore thing could be a trend. What if more boxers decided to give it a go? What would be their place in the prostitute world? Now isn’t that a perfect segue for a top 10 list? In fact, the idea’s so nice, I’ll do it twice. Top 10 boxing prostitutes. Worst 10 boxing prostitutes. Without any further adieu:
Top 10 Boxing Prostitutes:
10. Arturo “Thunder” Gatti
9. Ray “Boom Boom” Mancini
8. Michael “Second” To Nunn
7. Hector “Macho” Camacho
6. James “Hard Rock” Green
5. John “the Beast” Mugabi
4. “The Raging Bull” Jake LaMotta
3. Riddick “Big Daddy” Bowe
2. “The Motor City Cobra” Tommy Hearns
1. Marvelous Marvin Hagler
Worst Ten Boxing Prostitutes:
10. Ernie “the Acorn” Shavers
9. “Irish” Micky Ward
8. Chuck Wepner, “the Bayonne Bleeder”
7. ”The Cincinatti Flash”, Ezzard Charles
6. Pernell “Sweet Pea” Whitaker
5. Bobby “No Dice” Chacon
4. “Terrible” Tim Weather Spoon
3. James “Quick” Tillis
2. Ronald “Winky” Wright
1. Roberto “No Mas” Duran
Public Knowledge:
1. The reports of Tom Brady’s death were greatly exaggerated. Somebody had to pay. Somebody had to pay for those two losses in a row. Somebody had to pay for ESPN disrespecting us all week. May as well be the Packers. May as well be Brett Favre. I just hope he goes easy on those pain killers. The Patriots just stomp on the Pack. I can’t say it does my heart good to see Testaverde come in there, but hey, you can’t have everything.
2. I was torn with this game. I have McNabb on my fantasy team so I was 
devastated. Just devastated. Romo is my back-up. I hope that’s enough. But, I love Vince Young. He is clearly the cream of this year’s crop. Marching through the Philadelphia defense like nobody’s business. I really want this kid to make it. More than the rest. More than St. Reggie. More than Paris Hilton’s baby daddy boyfriend. Almost as much as Laurence Maroney. Vince was efficient. Very efficient. In the NFL, an efficient QB wins you a lot of ballgames. See Trent Dilfer. Young will be much more than efficient when his day comes. The Titans are much better today than they were 6 weeks ago. Travis Henry gets the game ball. 143 yds and a TD. McGahee who?
3. Celtics win three a row. The last time the Celtics were good was in 2002. Played in the Eastern Conference Championships. They had a point guard that went by the name of Kenny Anderson. The last true point guard the Celtics have had. The following year they traded Kenny for Saucy Baker. They’ve never recovered. They’ve never gotten anybody to replace him. I’m putting hope against hope, Bassy is the guy.
4. The Touchdown Maker. The Record Breaker. The Shake and Baker. The Icing on 
the Caker. LaDainian baby, LaDainian. Fastest to 100 TDs ever. His 21 TDs in the first ten games of a season? New record. His 19 touchdowns in his last six games? New record. His three touchdowns last night made it the fourth game in a row he’s rumbled for three scores. That too, my friends, is a new record. Move over Jim Brown. Move over Shaun Alexander. Dance on over Emmit. You too Jerry Rice. There’s a new sheriff in town. And he goes by the name of LaDainian Tomlinson. Oh ya, Chargers win! Chargers win! Move into first.
6. The Jets get crushed by the Bears and so do their playoff chances. Pennington’s two interceptions ended any hope of victory. Ha ha ha. Not for nothing, how does Fox miss the coverage on the on-sides kick. You know how? They were catering to all us fantasy nerds. That’s how. Like I said, you can’t have everything.
7. All of a sudden, the 49ers are one game out of first place. What happened? How do the Seahawks lose to them? Frank Gore. That’s how. The steal of everybody’s fantasy draft. Running roughshod all over Seattle. 212 yards. The Seahawks better get their stuff together or they’ll be on the outside looking in. Who 
woulda thunk?
8. 136 million over eight years for Fonzie. Holy schnikies. Looks like the Cubs are serious.
9. Poor Rutgers. Sugar Ray Rice and my Scarlet Knights lose their way back into oblivion.
10. Ocho Cinco tearing it up. 190 receiving yards. Three touchdowns. Those 190, coupled with his 260-yard extravaganza against the Chargers last week, Mohawk Man sets an all-time record for receiving yardage in consecutive games (450). The old mark 
was 448 yards by John Taylor of the 49ers. Remember him? Number 82. That’s when the 49ers were good. Remember? Remember 1989? When he caught the game winning 10-yard pass from Joe Cool in the waning seconds of Super Bowl XXIII. Sure you do.
11. We’re number two! We’re number two! Michigan remains number two in the BCS rankings. Let’s just say Michigan stays put at two and Ohio State likewise at one. Do they play for the championship? What if Michigan wins? Stupid. Playoffs baby, playoffs.
12. Y’know, I was thinking. The best thing that could happen to the Knicks is that they keep losing. Then, no more Isiah. Then I was thinking, Isiah is doing to the Knicks what Little Ricky Pitino did to the Celtics. Making them bad for a very long time. Only finding hope long after their gone, with somebody else cleaning up their mess.
13. If you haven’t seen HBO’s Jim Brown, All American, you should. If you’re not watching Showtime’s Dexter, you’re missing some must see TV. While I’m at it, save the cheerleader, save the world. Tonight.
14. Teemu Selanne registered a career-high five assists last night. Big deal. The coach he did it against, the Great One, assisted on five or more goals in a game 17 times. That’s more than any other three NHL players combined. Yowza!
15. Bill “The Killer” Mueller retires. Batting champ, Gold Glove caliber third baseman, instrumental member of the World Champion Red Sox.
16. The B.C. Lions defeated the Montreal Alouettes 25-14 at the 94th Grey Cup in front of 44,786 screaming Canadians at Canad Inns Stadium in Winnipeg, Manitoba. I wish Bishop and Toronto got in to win it.
Public Spectacle:
Peace out homies. Six Two and Even!
Josh Q. Public: Got more numbers than you can dial, maybe it’s because I’m so versatile. -Beastie Boys
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! Hold onto your hats sports fans. Here he comes. Here comes LaDainian Tomlinson. The One Man Touchdown Factory. Scoring them in bunches. In droves. A plethora of touchdowns. More touchdowns than you can shake a stick at. If that’s your idea of a good time. We all know he’s been tearing it up. But how good has he been? Well that’s what I’m here for. Let’s get to it, shall we? LT’s scored 98 touchdowns in 88 games. That’s a 
whole bunch. That’s better than 88 lines about forty-four women. Nails style. Jeanie had this nightclub walk… The record for fewest games to 100 TDs is 93. That’s how long it took Jim Brown All American and that dancin’ fool Emmitt Smith. Think our boy LT can score 2 in four games? You betcha. His 18 TDs over his first nine games this season is already a record. Jim Brown All American and Shaun Alexander had 17 over nine to start a season. Those juggernauts are now tied for second. The record for TDs to start a season through the first ten games is 19. Shaun Alexander again. LT needs one tonight to tie that one. Two to beat it. We all know by now that LT has 15 TDs in his last five games. Right? We do, don’t we? Well he does. And that’s a record too. The old record was held by? You guessed it. Jim brown All American with 14. Now if LT gets a touchdown tonight, he not only ties Shaun Alexander’s record for TDs to start a season through the first ten games, oh no. If he gets one tonight, he’ll also break another of old Jim Brown’s records. And old Marshall Faulk’s. And old Priest Holmes. And old Jerry Rice. He’ll break for the record for most TDs in six games. All those old cats have 15. As does our boy. If LT keeps doing what he’s been doing. If he rambles for three more TDs tonight, he will 
be the first dude ever to run for three TDs in three straight games. Yowza! When you’re breaking records set by Jim Brown and Jerry Rice, you’re doing some things. Some very big things. Hall of Fame things. If this cat can stay healthy, lord knows what kind of numbers he’ll end up with. Now get a load of this. LT has 11,062 yards from scrimmage in his career. If he gets 275 more this year, he will set the record for the most in a player’s first six seasons. He will pass Eric Dickerson. The only other guy to have 11,000 yards from scrimmage in his first six years. 
Double yowza! So take your shoes off. Put your feet up. Buckle into Sunday Night Football. The new Monday Night Football. Sit back, relax, and watch some history being made. Some NFL history. Some LaDainian Tomlinson history.
Public Spectacle:
Peace out homies. Six Two and Even!
PS: Celtics win three in a row. The Truth the most underrated player in the NBA. Ryan Gomes and Bassy excellent games. Kendrick Perkins a beast on the boards. Bring on the ‘Cats. Let’s make it four.
Josh Q. Public: Three The Hard Way -Third Bass
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! Two in a row on the Celtics? What’s wrong with this cat? Does he want to lose all his readers? Both of them? No Binky. You got it all wrong. Not two in a row on the Celtics, it’s two in a row for the Celtics. And as we all know, two can be as sad as one. So let’s make it three. Gerald Green style. From Dunk Machine to Three Point Machine. Let’s make it three against Isiah “If He Were Black, He’d Be Just Another Good Player” Thomas. Let’s make it three against the New York Knicks. Trying to go on a little run of their own. No worries, sports fans. We got this one. Not one Knick can cover the Truth. Not one. Expect a gigantohugemongus game from Paul in a win tonight. That’s right, gigantohugemongus. In a win. A win that could pull us out of the power rankings basement. Hey, you gotta start somewhere. Leon ‘The Big Show’ Powe playing like he belongs. Who knew this cat had wheels? He gets from the foul line to the hizzy awfully quick. Bassy playing like he hears the Rajon Rondo whispers. Let’s see if he can keep it up two games in a row. Something I haven’t seen yet. Something that started those Rajon Rondo whispers. The match-up of the night? Kendrick
Public Spectacle
Peace out homies. Six Two and Even!
Josh Q. Public: Let me get some action from the back section. We need body rocking, not perfection. -Beastie Boys
Public Service Announcement: Ok, here we go! Just a short one today. My plea to the Boston Celtics. Please play Gerald Green the Dunk Machine. Please baby, please baby, please baby, baby baby please! Just do it. Let him run free. Let him do his thang. Let him tear it up. Ever since the final few games last year, I knew something special was brewing with this kid. From everything I’ve seen so far, this cat is silky schmoove. His hops and athleticism unrivaled. He’s electrifying. He’s death defying, stupifying, high flying, mortifying, satisfying, super skying, leaves suckers crying, no denying, egg frying, I ain’t lying. When he tried out for the Hornets, Lord Byron had this to say: “He is the best player we have brought in, athletic wise. He is off the charts. His vertical was by far the best of any player we have 
had in here.” You’ve seen him. You saw him in his first game. Vegas Summer League. Vegas baby, Vegas. You saw him dunk on the Clipper’s Mark Bortz’s head. A dunk so disgusting, crazed fans bum rushed the table in the lobby. The table where 
the guy had posted a sign which read: “DVDs $20. See Green’s dunk!!!” A dunk so mind blowing, it brought out Knicks coach Mark Aguirre. Aguirre: “I’ve got to go see Gerald Green. You know a guy is something when the players are hollering about him.” You saw him in practice. Brian Scalabrine did. Brian Scalabrine saw the Dunk Machine standing behind the arc. He saw G-Money toss the rock off the bottom of the 1986 NBA Championship banner high in the rafters. He saw the ball fall back to earth. He watched Gerald el-uh-vate from outside the foul 
line. He watched as Green caught it off the bounce with his right hand, grabbed the rim with his left, and with a rim rocking, earth shocking, tomahawk, sent it home. Gracious, me oh my. That alone should make you want to play this kid. Instant electricity. Pump a little life back into the new Garden. And you know that’s not all our boy can do. You 
know his jumper is effortless. You know his quick release rivals the Silent Killer, Michael Redd. The other night against the Pacers, you saw him go three for four from beyond the arc. With those ups, his shot is unblockable. At 6′8″, this kid has a better handle than most point guards. So Doc, Danny, nothing else is working. Give the people what they want! Give us Gerald Green the Dunk Machine.
Public Spectacle:
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Peace out homies. Six Two and Even!
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