I’ve got more action than my man John Woo, and I’ve got mad hits like I was Rod Carew. -Beastie Boys

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  All right?  Satisfied?  Was there ever any doubt?  Was there?  If there was, it was quickly erased.  Very quickly.  Five minutes quickly.  Seven plays quickly.  Six for six, 94 yards quickly.  That’s all it took.  That’s all it took for the whole country to get it.  For the whole country to understand what the hell I’ve been talking about around here.  Do you get it now?  Finally?  The Vikings do.  The Patriots just tore them up.  Hand Banana style.           Read More »

What’s right isn’t always popular. What’s popular isn’t always right.  -Howard Cosell

Public Service Announcement: OK here we go!  Just some fun factoids I found while scouring Al Gore’s Internet.  Get you ready for some football.  Some Monday Night Football.  Make you look all Einsteiny.  Real smart around ye olde water cooler.  Impress your friends and junk.  Now, enjoy.  But don’t say I never gave you nothing.             Read More »

Show me a good loser, and I’ll show you a loser.  -Red Auerbach

Public Service Announcement:  First I was going to write about Joe Niekro.  Knuckleballer.  Emery board.  Grew up on the same street with John Hondo Havlicek.  Taught Tim Wakefield everything he knew.  What’s not to like?  Then I was going to write about Trevor Burbick.  Wild story.  At the age of 16 saw God.  At the age of 51 dead in a church.  At the age of 29, with cross and bible in hand, busts into Don Kings hotel room.  Recites the 91st Psalm:  “The Lord is on your side…Only thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.”  At the age of 51, butchered, Lizzy Borden style.  Olympian.  World Champion.  Last man to fight Ali. Then this.  I didn’t see it coming.         Read More »

What does it take to be number one?  Two is not a winner.  Three nobody remembers.  -Nelly

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  All aboard!  All aboard the Patriots bandwagon.  It’s about time.  Was there ever any doubt?  Not here.  Not here in these pages.  When all is said id done, this Patriots team, and by that I mean, Bill Belichick’s Patriots, will go down as one of the best in history.             Read More »

You go to the zoo, but you can’t feed guerillas who wanna blow up the world.  -Prince

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  Hallelujah Hockey Krishnas!  Rejoice!  Today’s your lucky day.  Evgeni Malkin.  Hockey’s newest phenom.  It was only a matter of time.  Only a matter of time before Malkin made the lead story in these pages.  Only a matter of time before Malkin went from the best player not in the NHL to one of the best players in it. Only a matter of time before Malkin went from unknown to most talked about.  Only a matter of time before Malkin went from injured list to first line.  Only a matter of time before Malkin scored his fourth goal in his fourth game.         Read More »

Step back man, I ain’t a black man, but everytime I grab the mike, I rock a phat jam.  -House of Pain

Public Service Announcement:  Ok, here we go!  As you may know, I’m a an alien, I’m a legal alien, that’s right, a Bostonian living in New York.  And being a sports fan, that means I’ve had to endure a lot.  A whole lot.  The 1918 jeers were unbearable.  But nothing gets my goat, Earl Manigault, more than the racism tag.   The racism tag pinned squarely on the chest on my beloved Celtics.  Pau Gasol may come here.  Great.  Here we go again.  Another white guy. Here it comes.  More racism cracks.  More stabs in our backs.  It is the most unfair label in all of sports. You don’t believe me?  Check it check it out.            Read More »

No blogger can blog quite like I can, I’ll take a muscle-bound man and put his face in the sand.  -LL Cool J

Public Service Announcement:  Ok here we go!  All right, we all know by now that Shawne Lights Out Merriman, no relation to James Lights Out Toney, unless you count juice use, was bagged for violating the NFL’s substance abuse policy. So where’s the outrage?  Where’s the indignation?  Barry Bonds style.  I gotta think the problem in football is just as big as the problem in baseball.  It’s just that people don’t care.       Read More »

Number one in the hood G!

Public Service Announcement:  OK here we go.  I was gonna do the whole Monday morning quarterback thing.  But, you know what? Everybody’s doing it.  Besides, I’m on this TV kick thing now and I just gotta get it out of my system. Ok?  Is that all right with you?  Don’t worry, you’ll get what you need down in the Public at Large section.  What’s that?  You need a taste now? OK OK.  All you need to know.  Pats win. Pats win big.  Tom very Bradylike.  Takes a licking and keeps on ticking.  Chad Jackson shows why Neion Deion was expendable.  By November 26, the Patriots should be at least tied with the best record in the NFL.  By then, they will have done what they always do, whoop up on the Colts.  By then, they will have laid the hammer down to America’s new team, da Bears.  By then, all order should be restored in the world.  All right?  Happy now? Can I do what I was doing? Thank you.  Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, I give you, Aqua Teen Hunger Force:           Read More »

Public Service Announcement: OK here we go!  Just some fun factoids I found while scouring Al Gore’s internet.  Get you ready for Monday night.  Now, enjoy.  But don’t say I never gave you nothing.

Bill Parcells:  Began as a linebacker for Wichita State, The Shockers.  Grampy Bill at 65 years young, is the second oldest coach in the NFL next to that Bible thumping old geezer Joe Gibbs.  The Big Tuna’s last two years in the Meadowlands were the last times the Secaucus Giants made the playoffs two years in a row.  Call him the perfessor, cause the cat can teach.  7 guys who coached under Big Bill ended up head coaches themselves.  Wanna know who they are? Sure you do.  C’mon, say please.  OK.  Tom Coughlin, Chris Palmer, Romeo Oh Romeo Crennel, Eric You the Mangini, Bill the Brain, Ray Handley, and Al “Get the Shovel” Groh.  Not bad, huh? I wonder who has more, Bill or Red Auerbach.  If I had more time I’d look that up too.  What head coach has the most appearances on Monday Night?  Ha!  Fooled you.  You thought it was gonna be the Tuna, huh?  Nope, he’s third.  Second is the father of the 4-3 D, Tom Landry.  And your all time leader, Don Shula.  Remember him?  That’s when the Dolphins were good.  Parcells was the first coach in football history to be the recipient of the Gatorade Bath.  And, last but not least, Billy is a Red Sox fan.  Yes!  Marv Albert style.               Read More »

The chain so icy, I got chill bumps on my neck.  -Fabolous

Public Service Announcement:  Ok here we go!  How did this happen to us?  How did we get here?  This is not our beautiful house.  This is not our beautiful wife.  This does not happen to the Boston Celtics.  How far back do we have to go to trace the roots of this?  Back to Bias?  “I’m strong as a horse!”  Back to Red’s unwaivering loyalty?  Refusing to break up the band.  Back to Reggie’s untimely death?  Back to Bird’s back?  Back to the failings of one St. Ricky? Back to the demolition of the Garden?  Back to the pumping in of all that noise?  Back to Pierce getting stabbed in da club?  Back to Tony Allen?  Back to the cheerleaders?  I don’t know how far back we have to go, but here we are. With Bassy.  Who may, or may not have, had  Fabolous shot.  This kind of stuff happens to his old team.  Not us.  This kind of stuff happens to the Cincinnati Bengals. Not us.  This kind of stuff happens to the University of Miami. Not Us.  What did happen?           Read More »