Would You Believe 3 Out of Five?

Not the Craw, the Craw!  -Get Smart

Public Service Announcement:  Oh Boy.  Here we go.  I don’t even know where to begin.  I’m a mess.  I gotta tell you.  I love doing this blog.  I really do.  It’s the highlight of my day.  But this is no fun.  It’s no fun singing the praises of Johnny Damon.  6 for 12.  Two dings. 7 RBI’s.  4 runs.  1 triple.  A virtual one man wrecking crew.  It’s no fun writing about the abysmal pitching.  Jason “Designated for Reassignment” Johnson.  4 innings.  4 runs.  Kyle “Don’t Call Me Bronson Arroyo” Snyder.  2 innings.  4 runs.  Rudy Seanez.  1.1 innings.  4 runs.  John Lester.  3.2 innings.  7 runs.  Craig Hansen.  .1 innings.  3 runs.  Mike Timlin.  .2 innings.  4 runs.  It’s no fun not being able to tool on A-Broad.  It’s no fun writing about blowing a 3 run lead in the 7th.  It’s no fun when Julian Tavares was the best pitcher in a Red Sox uniform.  It’s no fun writing about taking a beating.  Duk Koo Kim style.  It’s no fun writing about the New York Hit Parade. It’s no fun talking about the 24 men the Sox left stranded.  Chuck Noland style.  Its no fun watching your team get beat on the Yes Network.  Michael Kay.  Pinstripe commercials.  Those horrible WB Mason ads.  It makes you hate them even more.  It’s no fun watching A-Rod do his stupid breathing exercises and not being able to make fun of him for it ’cause we just got our asses handed to us.  It’s no fun hearing Jeter for MVP.  It’s no fun watching Papi go 2 for 9 with one bomb when it was too late.                

I wanna have some fun.  I’m no Chicken Little.  I’m a glass half-full kind of guy.  We got 3 games left.  I say we win them all.  Sure I was wrong about the sweep.  I’ve been wrong before, and I’ll be wrong again.  But Boom Boom Beckett is better than the Big Eunuch.  Schill the Thrill is better than Bullwinkle.  And Boomer is better than stupid Corey Lidle.  Especially in big games.  The Bombers’ 3 & 4 beat our 6 and 5.  Big deal.  So What?  Who cares?  Let’s see what happens when the big guns come out.  Let’s see then.  See who’s a punk then.  Huh?  Huh?  3 games left in this marathon and I’m not ceding one of them.  See you bitches at the ball field.  1:20pm.  And don’t be late.  Take your shoes off.  Put your feet up.  Be a Sox watcher.  In the AL East where the men are men and the games matter!

Public Knowledge:

1.  Remember when you were watching the Patriots and you couldn’t watch them because they never sold out.  Grimace said it was so bad in Buffalo, he had to wait for Monday Night Football half time highlights just to get a glimpse of his Bills.  Howard Cosell style.  When I was in college down in DC, it was the Celtics heyday.  I had to wait for George Michael Sports Machine on Sunday night to see Bird and Company wreak havoc on the NBA.  That was all before Al Gore invented he internet.  That was all before the Worldwide Leader.

2.  I wish someone would put together a clip of all of A-Fraud’s 22 American League leading errors and put it on Youtube.

3.  Did I hear Jim Kaat say the Sox were trying to get Vernon Wells.  I sure hope so.  That kid can flat out play.

4.  The Zakim Bridge in Boston.  What a stupid name.  It should have been the Larry Bird Bridge.  Why not, Ted Williams got a tunnel.  Tom Yawkey got a Way.  How cool would that have been?  I’m taking the Bird to 95.   I’m taking the Bird to the Pike.   So much better than Zakim.

5.  Preston Wilson signed with the Cardinals yesterday and promptly went yard.  Did you know that Mookie Wilson is both Preston’s step-father and uncle?  Tight family.

6.  Parcells has never won a Super Bowl without Bill Belichick. The Brain has won 3 without the Tuna.

7.  Tick.  Tick.  Tick.  I love it that the  Big Tuna never calls TO by name.  He refers to him as “the Player.”  Priceless.   Boom Goes the Dynamite TO Countdown.  42 days.  Tick. Tick. Tick.

8.  Five-time Olympic medallist Marion Jones failed an initial doping test at the U.S. Track and Field Championships where she won the 100 meters in June.  Shocker.  Let the denials begin.  Floyd Landis style.

9.  Bottom of the barrel in the Bay Area.  Raiders and 49ers.  The two worst teams in football.  Bar none.

10.  The bright spot in game one was Eric Hinske.  3 for 4.  3 doubles.  He received a standing ovation every time up and whenever trotted out to right.  Hinske: “I’ve never been a part of anything like that.”   Rookie of the Year in 2002.  Other Rookie of the Years Public Noteworthy: Carlos Beltran, Nomah, Jeter, Mark McGuire, Ozzie Guillen, Cal, Righetti Spaghetti, Super Joe Charboneau, Phat Albert, Sam Champion’s boyfriend, Freddie Lynn, Count Montefusco, Bake McBride, Andre “the hawk” Dawson, Diamond Lou Whitaker.

11.  US Basketball rolling.  Beats Puerto Rico.  They are going to have to bring it every night.  The gap just gets smaller and smaller.  No more easy golds.

12.   Evander Holyfield began his latest comeback looking more like “The Real Deal” than he has in years. C’mon, he beat a scrub.

Public Spectacles:

1.  Mookie

2. Evander Real Deal Holyfield

3. Parcells

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

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