Josh Q. Public:  Call me Ishmael.  -Ernest Hemmingway

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go.  SI has the Dolphins winning the AFC East.  And, and, and winning the Super Bowl.  Are you out of your godammed minds?  I understand expectations are high.  I understand they’re much improved.  I understand Nick Saban’s a wonderful coach.  But winning the East and the Super Bowl.  That’s just a little much.  Don’t you think?  They have Culpepper.   But even before the injury, Culpepper was playing the worst football of his career.  The guy’s got the fumbles and makes some terrible choices where he throws the ball.  Drew Bledsoe style.  And not for nothing, he has a losing record for his career.   Say I give you a healthy Culpepper.  Then what? Who else?  Downtown Ronnie Brown?  Brown has never had to carry the full load before. Ever.  College or the pros.   He was back up to a pothead in the pros, and a Cadillac at Auburn.  He doesn’t have the speed to break to the outside.  I’m not sold on him.  Chris Chambers is solid, but Marty Booker and Derek Hagan?  C’mon.  Their O-line is thin, or should I say fat, and will need to play way over their heads to keep the fragile Culpepper upright.  Not to mention, Seth McKinney was just placed on the injured reserve.  They cannot stop the run.  They have a rookie in Jason Allen starting at one corner, and Giant reject Will Allen at the other.  On top of all that, Jason Taylor is in the middle of divorcing Zach Thomas’ sister Katina.  That cannot be good for team chemistry.  Two brand new coordinators.  They sign career underachievers L.J. Shelton and Big Daddy Dan Wilkinson.  So forgive me if I don’t believe the hype.  Give me the Patriots and the under.  

The Public at Large:

1.  Schilling reaches 3,000 career strikeouts in loss to A’s.  Keep Hope Alive.  Er, go Pats!

2.  Paris Hilton’s boyfriend’s baby mama will miss the upcoming USC women’s basketball season for personal reasons.  A bouncing baby boy.

3.  Santonio Holmes’ trial has been postponed.  He is charged with a misdemeanor for domestic violence and assault.  He allegedly beat the tar out of LaShae Boone, his baby mama.

4.  After three years working with Jeff Van Gundy on the sidelines in Houston, Patrick Ewing has resigned as assistant coach of the Rockets.  The ugliest ex-coach alive played against my brother in high school.

5.  Don Nelson will be named the new coach of the Golden State Warriors this week, Josh Q. Public has learned. Good move for Golden State.  That gives them a 10-win improvement automatically.  The Warriors have not had a winning season since 1994.

6.  Guard Yotam Halperin is believed to be close to signing a deal with the Seattle SuperSonics, according to a report in The Jerusalem Post, which would make him the NBA’s first Israeli player.  There are no Hezbollah players, are there?  Hey, what ever happened to Jewish Jordan, Tamir Goodman?

7.  Hideki Matsui took batting practice Wednesday for the first time since the he broke his left wrist in May.  Great.  Go Pats!

8.  Got those down home Red Sox blues?  Living in the big city?  Tonight, we got the cure.  A doubleheader.  BC on the Deuce at 6pm and The Pats vs. Giants channel 4 at 7:30pm.  What a treat.  I hate that BC’s in the ACC but what am I gonna do? Follow Rutgers?  Brian Toal, remember that name.

9.  Whenever I feel bad about my Sox, I always remember it could be worse.  I could be a Cubs fan.  They got 20 hits last night and still did not win?  Go Pats!

10.  Your boy, former Hoboken resident, former Bachelor, Jesse Palmer cut by the 49ers.  If you’re cut by the 49ers, you must really be bad.

11.  The A-Broad woes continue.  It’s the little things folks, the little things.  1 for his last 23. Ha ha ha ha.  Go Pats!

12.  Back to the Dolphins.  Who would you rather have?  Brady or Culpepper?  Seymour, Wilfork and Green, or the aged Fins DL led by Jason Taylor?  C’mon SI.

13.  We all know by now head case Jeff George is a Raider?  The question is, does he play?

14.  PTI asked, “Does Larry Johnson get 2,000 yards?”  Absolutely not.  That’s an awful lot of touches to hit 2k.  Only five people have done it, ever:  Eric Dickerson, Jamal Lewis, Barry Sanders, Terrell Davis and OJ.

15.  Do not sleep on the fact that Rodney Harrison is back anchoring the Patriots secondary.  They have that ole swagger back.

16.  Side note on Papi’s heart condition. Ever since the Reggie Lewis tragedy, the Celtics perform routine EKG’s on all players and coaches.  If you ask me, it’s Manny who needs a heart check.

17.  Bryce Florie.  Ex- Red Sox.  In a game against the Yankees, Florie was hit in the face by a line drive off the bat of Ryan Thompson. Florie’s cheekbone was fractured, as well as his orbital socket and he suffered damage to his retina.  On Outside the Lines, he blamed the incident on steroids.  He made the point that for the ball to come off the bat that hard and that fast…  Makes you think.

18.  Buster Olney reports: The Red Sox moved steadily toward the completion of a trade of Boomer Wells, identifying Triple-A catcher George Kottaras as the player they want if they complete a deal with the Padres.  Whatever.  Go Pats!

19.  Tick.  Tick.  Tick.  “The Player” could make his highly anticipated debut for the Cowboys tonight.  Boom Goes the Dynamite TO Countdown.  31 days.  Tick. Tick. Tick.

20.  John Daly withdrew from the BMW International today after being hospitalized with a gastrointestinal virus.  Think he got his stomach pumped? 

21.  Scouts Inc. named Tom Brady the toughest player in the NFL.  Take that C-Pep.  The other four named?  Derrick Brooks, Byron Leftwich (A Public favorite), Hines Ward and Walter Jones.  Who the heck is Walter Jones?  OL for the Seahawks.

22. Carlos Beltran just tearing it up.  39 bombs.  110 RBIs.  107 runs.  16 steals.  Yowza.  You think Omar Maniacal knows what he’s doing?

23.  Agassi goes against 8th seeded Marcos Baghdatis tonight.  Not before he received injections for his ailing back.  This from Big Red: “I have a great story for you about Agassi.  I was at the match, in ’89 I think, when Agassi played Connors in Jimmy’s last open when he got through to the quarters. It was the biggest story in New York at the time. Anyway, Andre was up two sets to none and everybody in the stadium realized that the kid was going to beat Jimbo, and this was going to be the last time you would see him play. Connors was still a champion trying hard, working it, but not enough gas left in the tank. Agassi, at the height of his “Image is Everything” phase, said nothing. No yelling.  No grunting.  Head down and play. (This is what he became later on after the hype, and why I always liked him better than Sampras.  This was also on the heels of Lendl dominating, and a good six years since Connors and Mac were great). As the third set was winding down, the crowd started to yell out; we just didn’t want it to end. Connors stopped and hammed it up as only he could. Then, he wound up and smashed a huge serve, which would have been an ace against anyone else.  Agassi returned it easily for a winner. Connors was visibly shaken; the competitor knew it was over. Right before his next serve, the crowd went silent and a lone voice yelled out, “Don’t worry Jimmy, he’s a punk, you’re a legend.” The crowd went absolutely nuts.  Connors stopped for like five minutes with that big huge Jimbo shit eating grin, and hit balls into the crowd.  Even Andre stopped and applauded with his racket.  Great, great, unique sports experience.   You had to be there moment. Now Agassi is going out as the prince. Pretty cool.”  Cool indeed.

24.  Mr. Wang, no offense, quietly became the Yankees’ ace.  How did that happen?  Go Pats!

25.  AI in trouble again.  He’s being sued for $2.4m.  Supposedly, he hired a “security” team, called the “Horsemen,” that attacked four people in da club in Hampton, VA.  Da Club?  Crabbers Restaurant and Sports Club.  Horsemen?  Crabbers?  There are some jokes in there, I assure you.  I’m just too lazy to think of them.

26.  Now Deadspin’s stealing from me too.  Today’s headline:  Yeah Your Mother, Seriously Your Mother.  Now, didn’t I use that exact same tag line when referring to AI’s mother buying an ABA team?  Yes, I did.  Just quit it already.

Public Figures:  Brought to you by the good folks at Elias Sports Bureau and ESPN the Worldwide Leader.

1.  The Red Sox scored 19 runs on the nine-game road trip that ended in Oakland on Wednesday. That equaled the fewest runs that the Sox have ever scored on a road trip of nine or more games. They previously scored 19 runs on nine-game road trips in 1974 and 1967. Go Pats!

2.   The Thrill recorded the 3,000th strikeout of his career yesterday.   Schilling was the fourth pitcher to reach that mark in the last 20 seasons, following The Rocket (1998), Big Eunuch (2000), and Greg Maddux (2005). But during a 13-year period from 1974 to 1986, an era when many veteran pitchers had spent much of their careers starting every fourth day, nine pitchers reached the 3,000-strikeout mark: Bob Gibson, Gaylord Perry, Nolan Ryan, Tom Seaver, Steve Carlton, Ferguson Jenkins, Don Sutton, Phil Niekro, and Bert Blyleven.

3.  Here you go Jaime:  Nick Markakis homered in the O’s 7-4 win over the Rangers. It was Markakis’ ninth ding during August, the highest monthly total by a rookie this season and a franchise record for rookies in any month. The previous record of eight was set by Otis Brannan of the St. Louis Browns in 1928 and tied three times prior to Markakis.  All in 1960. Jim Gentile hit eight bombs in June 1960 and again in August, when his rookie teammate Ron Hansen also hit eight homers.

4.  Adam LaRoche had three doubles and a triple in four at-bats in the Braves’ 5-3 win over the Giants. LaRoche is the first Braves player to go 4-for-4 or better with all hits for extra bases since the team moved to Atlanta in 1966. Two other players have done so for other teams this season: Damian Miller (April 22) and Matt Murton (August 3).

5.  Jermaine Dye continued to add to his MVP credentials, going 2-for-2 in late-inning pressure situations and scoring the winning run in the eighth inning of the White Sox’s 5-4 victory over the Devil Rays. Very Papi-like.  With nine hits in his last 19 at-bats, Dye has raised his LIPS batting average to .367. Prior to 2006, his career batting average in late-inning pressure situations was .203.   Have some heart.  Give it to Papi.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

I don’t claim to be a preacher, not paid to be a teacher.  -Public Enemy

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go.  I didn’t want it to come to this.  I never thought I’d be writing this.  But, alas, here we are.  Have I not done my part?  Was I not unwavering in the face adversity?  Have I not fought the good fight?  Was I not the Sox rock, their salvation, their defense?  Was I not unmoved?  What do I get for it?  This?  Have I not been vocal when they needed it most?  This is what they do?  This is how they handle adversity?  It’s an embarrassment.  A spit in the face, George Hearst style.  If only they only believed in themselves as much as I believed in them.  They didn’t.  Or they didn’t care enough.  They never played like winners.  They never had that killer instinct.  They never smelled the blood.  They went on their run against the National League and also-rans.  Semi-Pro ball.  Boston DC gave me this:  Sox vs. National League, 16-2.  Sox vs. O’s, 11-1.  Sox vs. the rest of the AL,  44-57.  Gross.    They had the Yankees against ropes and refused to capitalize. Refused to take what was rightly theirs.  Turned it down even.  Down goes Matsui!  Down goes Sheffield!  The Sox barely tread water.  I did all I could.  Did Theo?  While the Yankees made moves, Theo kept his thumb up his bum.  There is absolutely no depth on the Sox.  None.  When Matsui and Sheffield went down, Melky and Co. were there.  When that wasn’t enough, in comes Bobby “El Comedulce” Abreu.  Who do the Sox get?  Javy Lopez.  Javy f’n Lopez!  They should be ashamed of themselves.  I stuck up for Manny.  Put him up on an altar and gushed.  What did he do?  Complained a hit was called an error.  Wade Boggs style.  Barely played again.  Bum knee.  All-Star Game style.  When the Sox needed him most, he bailed. Again from Boston DC:  “Who says players don’t notice stats?  Since Manny Ramirez reached the 100 RBI mark, on August 20th to make it 9 straight seasons to go with his 30 HRs, he’s pretty much packed it in, appearing in only 4 games, going 0 for 6 in those four games.”  I didn’t pack it in.  I said things like “Keep Hope Alive!”  “I believe!”  “The Red Sox are better than the New York Yankees.”  I reprimanded guys like Bob Ryan and Bill Simmons for their lack of faith.  Sure Schilling and Papi played their hearts out.  Papi quite literally.  But Manny failed me.  When one head of the two headed monster doesn’t care, it defeats the purpose.  There’s plenty of blame pie to go around, I assure you. As much Theo as Manny.  Theo overestimated his pitching staff.  Traded Bronson Arroyo.  Let D-Lowe go a year earlier.  Refused to get a closer when the whole world new Foulke was done.  Forced Papelbon into the role.  Got lucky but took a quality starter out of the rotation in the process.  Down goes Wakefield!  Down goes Clement!  How you like me now?  Not a middle reliever in sight.  Julian Tavares?  That’s your answer.  I didn’t let on.  I toed the line.  I walked the walk.  Damon for Coconut Crisp.  I hated the way the Caveman went out, but he’s 10 times the ball player Crisp is.  10 times the lead-off hitter Crisp is.  I kept up the routine.  I never relented.  Never gave those pricks in NYC anything.  But this is what the Sox lowered me to.  I now have to retract what I said. I now have to say I was wrong.  Yet I did nothing wrong.  I stood up for a team I believed in.  A team that did not believe in themselves.  A team that lost 17 games in August.  5 of them to the Yankees.  A team that looks like it will never win again.  A team that’s power is now expected from Eric Hinske.  A team that trots Kyle Snyder and Kason Gabbard out to the mound with a straight face.  A team that gets two hit by Cha Seung Baek.  A team that in the last 38 games, has a starter gone seven or more innings only eight times.  A team with 32 games to play.  A team that trails the Yankees by 6 1/2 games, and is 5 1/2 behind the Twins (and five behind the White Sox) in the quest for the wild card.  I, like Tito, want “to keep believing when it’s not very easy to believe.”  I cannot.  They have led to me this.  I hope they’re happy now.  Go Pats.

Public Knowledge: 

1.  Our thoughts and wishes go out to David Ortiz.  Let’s hope this is nothing.

2.   From one of our top sources:  “I know the Skins had their doors blown off, but I thought you’d be interested in what happened before the game.  When (referee) Jeff Tripplette went to talk to Belichick before the game as part of the pre-game, Bill refused to shake his hand and said, “I had enough of you guys last year.”  He was referring to the playoff game vs. Denver when Tripplette’s crew had the infamous phantom DPI call.  Bill the Brain wouldn’t talk to any of them.”  Tripplette should have reminded Belichick that they’ve got the Pats 2 times during the regular season this year!  
 

3.  USA Basketball smashes Germany.  USA could not shoot to save their lives but they held the Germans to 26 points in the second half and forced Disco Dirk to miss nine of his 12 shots.  Who’s got next?  Greece.  Bring it.

4.  Pennington gets starting job.  Shocker.

5.  Domanick Davis could be released because of lingering knee problems that have kept him off the field for virtually all of training camp.  However, Texans coach Gary Kubiak said there has been no discussion of cutting him. Right.  I feel sorry for all those fantasy owners who picked him just a little too early.  I bet they’ve had discussions about cutting him.

6.  Tick.  Tick.  Tick.  “The Player” practiced Tuesday for the first time in 10 days.  Boom Goes the Dynamite TO Countdown.  32 days.  Tick. Tick. Tick.

7.  Buckeye Heroes, the newest university-licensed food, will be available in grocery stores before No. 1 Ohio State opens its season Saturday against Northern Illinois at Ohio Stadium.  Think Clarett’s on the cover?  Give me Flutie Flakes any day!

8. According to OnMilwaukee.Com, Latrell Sprewell is choking folks again.  “A 21-year-old female alleged that she and Spree were having consensual sex Tuesday aboard his yacht, “Milwaukee’s Best,” when Sprewell began to strangle her. Police allegedly observed red marks on the woman’s neck.”  A)  Milwaukee’s Best is the name of his boat?  Not bad.  B)  Maybe what he did to PJ was just foreplay. 

9.  The White Sox beat the Devil Rays 12-9, as Chicago surpassed Minnesota as the leader in the AL wild-card race.  Keep Hope Alive.  Wait, oh ya, Go Pats.

10.   Delmon Young.  You remember him.  He chucked his bat at an unsuspecting ump.  Ya, him.  He went 2-for-3 in his major league debut for Tampa Bay. First, he was booed. Then Freddy Garcia  nailed him in the back on the first pitch.  All I know is, this kid can flat out hit.

11.  Willy Taveras went 0-for-3, ending his hitting streak at 30 games. 

12.  Barry Bonds.  Haven’t said that name in a while.  Hit two bombs in the house that Aaron built.  His first multi-homer game since 2004.  Pulls him within 28 of the record.  I sincerely hope he never gets there.  Does anybody?

13.  Paris Hilton’s boyfriend is going to be a daddy.  “Heisman Trophy winning quarterback Matt Leinart and USC women’s basketball player Brynn Cameron of Newbury Park are expecting a baby boy in November.”  This kid’s trouble.  Gimme Vince Young any day.  But that love child is going to be some kind of athlete.  Hammerciaparra style. 

Public Figures:  Brought to you by the good folks at Elias Sports Bureau and ESPN the Worldwide Leader.

1.  Ryan Howard drove in three runs in the Phillies’ win, raising his MLB-leading total to 125 RBI, including 38 during August. That’s the most RBI by any player in any month since Terrible Jim Thome drove in 39 runs for the Tribe in July 2001.

2.  Scott Olsen earned his 11th victory of the season in the Marlins‘ win, the 43rd win by a Marlins rookie this season, surpassing the total of the 1984 Mets. Dwight Gooden (17-9), Ron Darling (12-9) and Sid Fernandez (6-6) were all rookies on that team. The last NL team with a higher total than Florida’s was the 1952 Brooklyn Dodgers (51).

3.  The Red Sox’s loss in Oakland dropped their record to 8-20 during August. Boston led the AL East by one game over the Yankees at the end of July and thus becomes the first American League team to lose 20 games in a month after starting that month in first place since the 1983 Rangers posted an 8-20 mark in July 1983.  Go Pats!

4.  How quickly the wheels have fallen off for Mark Mulder. For a third consecutive start, Mulder failed to retire a batter beyond the third inning. That’s the longest streak of its type by a pitcher coming off five consecutive seasons of 15 or more wins since Larry Jansen of the Giants in 1952. Over his last three starts, Mulder has allowed 25 hits and 23 runs, all earned, in 7.0 innings (29.57 ERA).

5.  Carlos Delgado hit his 25th double of the season on Tuesday to clinch his 11th consecutive season with at least 25 homers and 25 doubles. That’s the third-longest such streak in major-league history. Manny Ramirez extended his streak to 12 straight seasons last week, tying the record set by Lou Gehrig from 1927-38.  Well, at least that’s one more Yankee off the books.  Go Pats!

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  The indisputable leader of the gang.  -Top Cat

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go.  I’m not a tennis guy.  Never have been, never will be.  I am a sports guy.  Some athletes transcend their particular sport into another realm.  These athletes make it onto my radar.  Richard Petty.  Tiger.  Hulk Hogan.  David Beckham.  Carl Lewis.  Sheryl Swoops.  Cael Sanderon.  People like that there.  My first tennis memory is Booby Riggs vs.  Billie Jean King.  Not the actual match, but an Odd Couple episode.  There’s Bjon Borg.  McEnroe & Connors.  They go together.  Ilie Nastase giving the finger.  Pete Sampras.  The Williams sisters.  But the guy I like best is Andre Agassi.  Maybe it’s because he married Brooke Shields.  Maybe it’s because he won eight Grand Slam singles titles.  Eight Ted Sarandis, eight.  Maybe it’s because he’s only one of five players to have won all four Grand Slam singles events.  Maybe it’s because he is the only player in the open era to have won every Grand Slam singles title, the Masters, the Davis Cup, and the Olympic Gold medal.  Maybe it’s because he married  Steffi Graf too.  Maybe it’s because he’s from Vegas.  Maybe it was his cheeseburger diet.  Maybe it was his rivalry with clean cut Pete Sampras.  Maybe it was his refusal to play at Wimbledon.  Maybe it was his comeback from wrist surgery to become the first man to capture the US Open as an unseeded player in 1993.  Maybe its the way he changed his image.  After all, Image is Everything.  The way he shaved his head bald and played the smaller circuits.  The way he went from 141st to 1st in the world.  In one year.  The way he won his 4th Grand Slam single title.  Being down two sets to love to beat Medvedev in a five-set French Open final. Whatever it was, he will be missed.  There’s no one now I even remotely care about.  The Wiliams, maybe.  The US Open starts today.  Andre is unseeded.  Maybe he can replicate 1993.  I hope so.  What a story that would be.

Public Knowledge:

1.  Stephon Marbury.  Say what you want.  I do.  But putting out sneakers at $15.00 a pop is good move.  Did you know that Starbury is the only player other than the Big O to average 20 points and  8 assists a game for his career?

2.  The Josh Q. Public NCAA Football top 10.

i) USC    ii) West Virginia   iii) Notre Dame   iv) The Ohio State University v) Texas  vi) Auburn  vii) LSU  viii) The ‘Noles  ix) Penn State x) Miami of Florida 

3.  Joe Girardi to be fired for telling the owner to “sit down and shut up.”  Never a good move.

4. Lloyd McLendon.  Reds. Cubs. Pirates.  Tigers coach.  Little League World Series 1971.   5 bombs in 5 at bats in the finals.  2 bombs in each of his first 2 games.  1 in the third.  Not bad, right?  His Gary, Indiana team was the first all black team in Little League World Series history.  Texas Western style.

5.  Koren Robinson cut by the Vikings.  Robinson was just charged with one felony count of fleeing in a motor vehicle, two counts of DWI and three other misdemeanors.  The Vikings, known for their high morals, could not stand for such behavior.  At least not on solid ground.

6.  My buddy Z is now the proud owner of Elektra, a two-year-old racehorse.  We will be following her progress closely.  Winner’s circle or glue factory?  We’ll keep you posted.

7.  High School Football.  When I was in Boston, I always followed the Brockton Boxers.  Now that I’m in Jersey, it will be The St. Peter’s Marauders.  Ranked anywhere between 15-20 in the nation.

8. I was reading SI.  An article on football players’ workouts.  NFC Rookie of the Year, Shawne Merriman follows a boxing workout given to him by his uncle.  Boxer, Henry “Sugar Poo” Buchanan.  Sugar Poo?  For real?  Sugar Poo?  I looked him up.  Found this: ” Sugar Poo advanced like the Red Coats on Lexington and pelted his opponent with screaming combinations along the ropes.”  Sugar Poo?  Really?  Light heavyweight.  13-0.  11 knockouts.  DC product.  We’re watching you, Sugar Poo.

9.  Tick.  Tick.  Tick.  “The Player” missed a team meeting, a rehabilitation session and was late to an offensive meeting. He was fined $9,500, for his transgressions.  Boom Goes the Dynamite TO Countdown.  34 days.  Tick. Tick. Tick.

10.  Tiger wins fourth in a row.  Tiger wins 52nd total.  He won it after roofing a ball.  Is there any doubt he is the best golfer ever?  No one now is even close.  Once he passes Jack, and he will, all this nonsense can be put to rest.

11.  Sox getting killed out west.  The Greek God of Walks in left field.  Way out in left field.  Keep Hope Alive. 

12.  I can’t wait for Kornheiser to stick it to Joe again tonight on Monday Night Football. 

13.  A-Broad 1 for 5 yesterday.  3 Ks.  That makes a 1 for 17 run.  Keep Hope Alive!

14.  Erik Mangini is taking a page out of the Bills book.  Sorry Grimace, not the Buffalo Bills.  Bill Parcells and Bill Belichick.  He has decided not to name the starting quarterback of the Jets.  Don’t be silly, we all know it’s Pennington.

15.  Carson Palmer to play tonight.  Bassmasters style.  Teammate TJ Houshmandzadeh: “I’m curious to see how he’s going to react, how he’s going to hold up.”  Aren’t we all?

16.  He’s back.  Here you go Grimace.  Buffalo Bill, Takeo Spikes, says he’s back, and this time he’s black.  Oh, he’s always been black.  Well he’s back anyway. 

17.  Another one bites the dust.  Bears DE Alex Brown out due to a dislocated shoulder.  Hurt it in a preseason game vs. Arizona.  Stupid.  Stupid.  Stupid.  Brown started 48 straight games before this.  Did I say stupid?

18.  USA Basketball buries Australia.  Wednesday night, Nowitski and Germany.  Bring it bitch.

19.  Willy Tavares’ streak hits 30.  Tavares has the longest hitting streak in Astros history.

Public Figures:  Brought to you by the good people at Elias Sports Bureau and ESPN the Worldwide Leader.

1.  Gary Bennett, who had a game-ending single on Saturday and a walk-off granny on Sunday, joined Nomah and Papi as the only players to win consecutive games with walk-off hits this season. The last player to do that for the Cardinals was Craig Paquette (2000).

2.  The Phillies got Jeff Conine, a veteran of the Marlins‘ championships in 1997 and 2003. Conine’s two World Series rings equal the number worn by all of his new Phillies teammates combined (one apiece for David Dellucci and the injured Aaron Rowand).

3.   Tiger won the WGC-Bridgestone Invitational this week with a workmanlike effort, as he struggled both off the tee and approaching the green. Woods hit only 57 percent of the fairways in regulation and 68 percent of the greens; Tiger posted percentages that low in both categories in only two of his 52 previous tournament victories. Ironically, both were at WGC events last year (the 2005 WGC-NEC Invitational and WGC-American Express Championships).

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Be what you is and not what you is not. Folks that is what they is, is the happiest lot.

Public Service Announcement:  John Wooden, UCLA.  John Wooden, basketball genius.  John Wooden, pyramid of success.  John Wooden, four 30-0 seasons.  John Wooden,  88 consecutive wins.  John Wooden, 38 straight NCAA Tournament victories.  John Wooden, 149-2 at home in the Pauley Pavilion.  John Wooden, 19 PAC 10 Championships.  John Wooden, 10 National Championships (Seven in a row).  John Wooden, the coach I admired more than any other.  Until yesterday, that is.  Yesterday, the Wizard had a sit down with A-Broad.  Yesterday the Wizard attempted to instill that winning philosophy into the Yankee nut-case third baseman.  The same nut-case who employed a high falutn’ Manhattan therapist to cure his on the field foibles.  The same nut-case who employed a breathing therapist to cure his at bat woes.  It bothers me Wooden would stoop to this.  It bothers me Wooden would subject himself to another one of A-Rod’s get good quick schemes.  Wooden, who dedicated himself to hard work, now wastes his time with a man dedicated to sunbathing in Central Park.  Wooden, who dedicated himself to loyalty, now wastes his time with a man whose credo is, “Have bat, will travel.”  It just bothers me.  Wooden said to A-Fraud, “Listen to yourself.”  Are you kidding me?  Would you listen to A-Rod?  What does that vacant guy have to say?  Wooden said to A-Fraud, “Don’t be afraid to fail.”  John, you’re clearly not paying attention.  This guy isn’t afraid to fail, he embraces it.  You know what bothers me most?  A-Rod’s response.  After sitting down with the most intelligent sports mind of all time, A-Rod had this to say:  “He didn’t tell me anything about hitting a curveball.”  That’s your problem Alex.  No respect.  No respect for the game.  No respect for yourself.  No respect for your teamates.  Maybe that’s why not one of them will stick up for you.  Maybe that’s why you’re mired in a 0-12 debacle.  Maybe that’s why you struck out every time up Friday night.  Maybe that’s why you went 0-5 last night, with 3 ks.  Maybe that’s why you can’t get a big hit to save your life.  Maybe that’s why you’ve never won a godammed thing.  No respect for a great man, who has done nothing but win.  No respect for anything.  I hope Bill Walton kicks your ass.

Public Figures:  Brought to you by the good people at Elias Sports Bureau and ESPN, the Worldwide Leader.

1.  The Tigers’ lead in the A.L. Central shrunk to four games after last night’s 8-5 loss to the Tribe and the Twinkies’ extra-inning win over the Pale Hose. Detroit still owns the best record in the majors (81-49) by one game over the Mets (79-49), despite having the worst mark in either league since Aug. 8 (5-13).

2.   The Sox again failed to gain ground on the Bombers.  They fell another game behind the Twins in the wild-card race. It’s the first time Boston has lost 10 times in a 13-game span since late in the 2001 season, when they dropped 10 of 13 from Aug. 30 to Sept. 20.  Keep Hope Alive.

3.  Yankee Killer.   Ervin Santana.  Yesterday’s victory was Santana’s fourth in four career starts against New York, not to mention his victory in relief of Bartolo Colon that eliminated the Yankees in Game 5 of last year’s ALDS.  Keep Hope Alive.

4.  A- Broad is hitless in 10 at-bats against the Halos so far this weekend, going 0-for-5 in consecutive games for only the second time in the last nine seasons. He struck out four times in Friday’s game and fanned three times on Saturday.

No major leaguer has experienced two such consecutive nine-inning games (hitless in at least five at-bats in each with at least three strikeouts in each) since Jim Edmonds did it in August 2000.

5.  Chipper Jones‘ 20th home run of the season was the 38th of his career in one of John Smoltz’s starts. The first came back on May 16, 1995.

That’s an impressive gap of more than 11 years, but do you think they’ve got eight more years left in them? That’s what Chipper and Smoltzie would need to tie the record of Eddie Murray and Dennis Martinez: Murray first homered in an El Presidente start on June 8, 1977 with the O’s, and he last did it on June 28, 1996 with the Tribe.

6.  Ha ha Jaime.  The Patriots romped to a 41-0 shutout win over the Redskins at Foxborough in what was the largest preseason margin of victory by any NFL team since the Seahawks blasted the Colts, 45-3, on Aug. 16, 1997 — the year before Peyton Manning arrived in Indy.

7.   Jerious Norwood, a third-round draft choice from Mississippi State, ran for 104 yards on nine carries in the Falcons’ 20-6 preseason victory over the Titans in Nashville. It was the first individual 100-yard rushing game in the 2006 NFL preseason.  TJ who?

Public Spectacles:

In praise of Terrible Terry Tate.  Office Linebacker. 

1.  Terry Tate

2.  Terry Tate

3.  Terry Tate

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  Don’t go to bed, with no price on your head, don’t do it.

Public service Announcement:  OK, here we go.  I was driving around Thursday.  Sports radio.  Either the Fan or ESPN Radio.  Can’t remember which.  I know it wasn’t Mike and The Mad Dog.  Anyway, the topic at hand:  Who would you rather have, Derek Jeter or Jose Reyes?  A) I can’t believe I’m even writing about this.  B)  Are you guys out of your cotton pickn’ minds!?  Before I even start this rant, we all know how I feel about the Yankees, correct?  How it pains me to give them any propers whatsoever?  OK.  Having said that, are you guys out of your cotton pickn’ minds!?  How long has Reyes has been in the Big Show?  All of ten minutes?  If Jeter gets hit by a bus tomorrow, he’s in the Hall.  Ohhhh, you guys mean just right now.  Ohhhhh.  Are you out of your cotton pickn’ minds!?  In the American League MVP race it’s Papi or Jeter right?  Right?  Maybe Morneau.  Maybe.  In the National?  Pujols, Beltran or Ryan Howard, right?  Right?  Hmmm.  I don’t see Reyes’ name in there.  So, what was the question again?  Who would you rather have, an  MVP, or a very good shortstop?  Hmmm.  Are you out of your cotton pickn’ minds!?  Do you want the best player on the Yankees, or do you want the third best player on the Mets?  Fourth, if Pedro is healthy.  Is that the question?  Are you out of your cotton pickn’ minds!?  Jeter terrifies me as much as any opposing batter.  Period.  Reyes barely raises a goose bump.  Let’s not forget how fragile Reyes is either.  Yet, he continues to slide head first into first.  Did it again last night.  Came up lame.  Now don’t get me wrong.  Reyes is an excellent shortstop.  I’d love to see him in a Sox uniform.  And his numbers aren’t that much different from Jeter’s.  What would you say if I told you Hammering Jose had a better slugging percentage than the Captain.  Would you believe me?  Well, he does.  And for the record, Reyes has more runs, less hits, less doubles, more triples, more bombs, less RBIs, less walks, more steals and a lower average.  Not too bad at all.  I don’t care.  I’m taking Jeter in a landslide.  Not for nothing, that whole exercise was just gross.  I feel so dirty.  I need a shower.  Crying Game style.  Right after I barf.

The Public at Large:

1.  What’s in a number?  It looked weird seeing Culpepper wearing number eight.  Eight, Ted Sarandis style.  Not his usual eleven.  My first thought was Antoine Walker.  OK, here’s a cool stat for ya’all.  The longest streak for winning quarterback numbers in the Super Bowl.  Know what it is?  The number twelve.  Super Bowls VI-XIV.  Stauerbach.  Griese.  Griese.  Bradshaw.  Bradshaw.  Kenny “the Snake” Stabler”.  Stauerbach.  Bradshaw.  Bradshaw.

2.  I wish  I didn’t have to hate the Tuna.  Unfortunately, I do.  The way he left the Pats was just gross.  Rocket Roger style.  But his press conferences are just the best in sports by far.

3.  I had no idea Warren Moon won five Grey Cups in six seasons before coming to the NFL.  Unbelievable.  Edmonton Eskimos.

4.  Another track athlete coached by Trevor Graham on the juice.  This guy is worse than Greg Anderson.  Sprinter LaTasha Jenkins just tested positive for the anabolic steroid nandrolone.   Here are the cheaters in Grahm’s stable: Justin “Juice” Gatlin.  Tim Montgomery.  Marion Jones.  CJ Hunter.  Antonio Pettigrew.  Jerome Young.  Calvin Harrison.  Alvin Harrison.  Coincidence?  The Public thinks not.  Neither does the U.S. Olympic Committee.  They banned Graham from their training facilities.  Not for nothing, Juice Gatlin said Friday he has “no idea how any banned substance got into my body.”  Mmm Hmmm, Slingblade style.

5.  Hey AI, your mother!  That’s right, your mother.   Your mother is the new majority owner and chairwoman of the American Basketball Association’s new team in Richmond. The Warriors.  I have a few questions.  How many tattoos does she have?  Is she packin’?  Does she rap?   What happens if one of her players refuses to practice?

6.  University of Wisconsin receiver Marcus Randle El will miss the 2006 season with a knee injury that requires surgery.  I didn’t even know Antwaan had a brother.  And how is Antwaan spelled like that?  Whose idea was that?  Stupid. 

7.  Jay Williams’ bid to resurrect his NBA career after a serious motorcycle crash three years ago has brought him to the swamp.  New Jersey. Duke star and No. 2 overall draft pick.   I hope he makes it.  I hope Kellen Winslow doesn’t.  We know Big Ben will. 

8.  Fantasy Football.  I’m a running backs guy.  At this point, it seems everybody is.  I may change that strategy Monday, at my draft.  I may go for best player available.  Once you get past the first four running backs:  Larry Johnson, Shaun Alexander, LaDainian Tomlinson and Tiki Barber, it all gets pretty hazy.  I may go WR if there’s a mad run on running backs. Who do you think will be more consistent this year,  Lamont Jordan or Chad Johnson. Would you rather have Reuben Droughns and that stumblin’, bumblin’ offense, or Chris Chambers catching passes from Daunte Culpepper?  The choice is yours.  Check out this site.  Pretty good. footballguys.com

9.  Geez, I take back my Kissing Suzy Kolber praise. I’m reading Deadspin.  Minding my own business.  An article on the Broncos some chick wrote.  Perusing the comments.  Stumble onto this:  Big Daddy Drew  from Kissing Suzy Kolber says:  “I think we all liked Jen’s entry. But Jen’s one of us. We always get to make fun of our own. It’s all out of love, unless you’re tal4prezz. Or tsetsefly. Or Josh Q. Public. Or some other prick.”  So now I’m a prick.  Great.  I want this Big Daddy Drew dead! I want his family dead! I want his house burned to the ground! I want to go there in the middle of the night and piss on his ashes!

10.  Willy Tavares hit streak goes to 28.

11.  Wllie McGinest is crying Junior Seau is taking number 55.  If you wanted it so bad, you could have stayed a Patriot.  You didn’t.  You went for the dough.  To a last place team.  You reap what you sew, Willie.  The weird part is, McGinest took 55 in the first place, in honor of Junior.  Go figure.

12.  The Pats allowed Deion Branch to find a trade for himself.  He’ll be signed in New England shortly. 

13.  What’s the deal with all these Yankees growing mustaches.  Damon, Giambi Juice, Villone, Jared Wrong, Robinson Cannot.  I bet any amount of money, Damon’s behind it.  Idiots south.

13.  Cheryl Ford delivers.  Detroit Shock.  Tied her father’s career high in rebounds, 23.  Her father?  Karl “the Mailman” Malone.

14.  Recipe for disaster.  The new Survivor has the tribes broken down by race.  African Americans.  Caucasians. Asians.  Latinos.  Trouble.

15.  Pluto’s no longer a planet?  That’s weird, right?  Is he still Mickey Mouse’s dog?

16.  More Fantasy Football.  Good news.  ESPN the Deuce will be airing The Fantasy Show.  Should be all right.  Jaws and Matthew “the Talented Mr. Roto” Berry and much, much more.   The show debuts with a draft special August 31, at 5:30.  Then slides into Thursdays at 6:30.  The Public will be watching.

17.  Twins beat White Sox and take wild card lead.  Keep Hope Alive.

18.  Sox lose with no one in the line up.  Yankees win.  Keep Hope Alive.

Public Figures:  Brought to you by the good folks at Elias Sports Bureau and ESPN the Worldwide Leader.

1.  Alfonso Soriano’s stolen base in the third inning last night, was the 200th of his career. Having already reached the 200-homer mark earlier this month, Soriano became the first player in major-league history to attain 200/200 status in his first 1,000 games. Alfonso did it in 929 games.  It took Eric Davis 1,053 games to reach 200/200.

2.  Ryan Howard drove in three runs in the Phillies‘ 4-3 win over the Mets, including a two-run home bomb. It was Howard’s league-leading 45th homer, and he became the first player in 45 years to hit at least 45 home runs in his sophomore season. The last was Jim Gentile of the Orioles in 1961 (46 HR).

3.  Ha Ha Ha.   This time Jaret Wrong didn’t even get close. Jaret was knocked out in the fourth inning of his start against the Angels last night. It was the 25th consecutive start in which he failed to retire a batter beyond the sixth inning, dating back to last September and equaling the second-longest streak in major-league history.

Public Spectacles:

1.  Mustaches in Baseball

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?  -Mary Tyler Moore

Public Service Announcement:  OK, Here we go.  Try to follow.  I heard the Papi/Manny interview.  I thought, good for Papi.  Stick up for your teamamte.  That’s what you’re supposed to do.  Don’t give these guys anything.  That’s what an MVP does.  Then I thought, if Derek Jeter did that just once, once, Johnny Dangerously style, there’d be no more boos for A-Broad.  Then I thought, wait a minute, there are no more boos for A-Broad.  How did this happen?  Then I thought, simple, the Yankees are winning.  Then I thought, when you’re not on top, you need someone to blame.  You need a scapegoat.        Read More »

Josh Q. Public:  Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go.  I don’t have a lot for you today.  Time is tight, and I got stuff to do.  Big important stuff.  Stuff you guys wouldn’t understand.  So don’t worry your pretty little heads.  I’ll be back tomorrow with more late breaking news.  All the news you can use.  All the news that’s fit to print.   More news than you can shake a stick at.  The brand news.  In the meantime, here’s a little somethin’ somethin’ for you to wet your beaks with.  Heckle and Jeckle style.  Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the mellow sounds of Mr. Malik Abdul Aziz.  So, without further adieu:  In this corner.  Weighing in at 225 lbs.  In the black trunks.  Hailing from Brooklyn, New York.  The former undisputed Heavyweight Champion of the World.  The Baddest Man on the Planet.  Kid Dynamite.  Iron Mike Tyson!

“[He] called me a ‘rapist’ and a ‘recluse.’ I’m not a recluse.”

“Lennox Lewis, I’m coming for you man. My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I’m just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!”

“I want to rip out his heart and feed it to him [Lennox "the Lion" Lewis]. I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children.”

After biting Evander the Real Deal Holyfield he said, “This is my career. I have children to raise. I have to retaliate. He butted me. Look at me. My kids will be scared of me.”

“You’re sweet. I’m going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I’m gonna make you my girlfriend.” On Razor Ruddock who punches like a mule kicks.

He told Ruddock, “Everyone knows you’re a transvestite and you love me. I’m gonna make you my girlfriend. I can’t wait to get my hands on a pretty thing like you.”

“He was screaming like my wife.” – On Tyrell Biggs

“I could have knocked him out in the third round but I wanted to do it slowly, so he would remember this night for a long time.”  – On Tyrell “Burt”  Biggs

“When you see me smash somebody’s skull, you enjoy it.”

“I try to catch him right on the tip of the nose, because I try to push the bone into the brain.”

“How dare these boxers challenge me with their primitive skills? It makes me angry. They’re just as good as dead.”

“My power is discombobulatingly devastating I could feel his muscle tissues collapse under my force. It’s ludicrous these mortals even attempt to enter my realm.”

“I just want them to keep bringing guys on and I’m going to strip them of their health. I bring pain, a lot of pain.”

“I want to throw down your kid and stomp on his testicles, and then you will know what it is like to experience waking up everyday as me. And only then will you feel my pain.”

[To a female reporter] “It’s no doubt I am going to win this fight and I feel confident about winning this fight. I normally don’t do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn’t talk anymore… Unless you want to, you know.”

“All praise is to Allah, I’ll fight any man, any animal, if Jesus were here, I’d fight him too.”

“At times, I come across as crude or crass, that irritates you when I come across like a Neanderthal or a babbling idiot at times. But I like to be that person. I like to show you all that person because that’s who you come to see.”

“I’m on the Zoloft to keep from killing y’all.”

“I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating.”  Johnny Drama style.

“I just want to conquer people and their souls.”

“Everbody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth”

Public Spectacles:

1.  Mike Tyson

2.  Mike Tyson

3.  Mike Tyson

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

A day late and a dollar short.

Public Service Announcement:  Ok.  Here we go.  You all probably have Yankee/Red Sox hangovers now, but you asked for it.  You got it.  Everybody’s pissed.  Everybody’s pissed at the Public.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t take my beating like a man.  Everybody’s pissed I got caught up in my 5 minutes of fame and lost track of the task at hand.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t answer the call.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t give A-Broad and Jeter reach arounds after the five game debacle.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t cry about losing Johnny Damon.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t tear into Boom Boom Beckett.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t complain that Loretta was left stranded by Big Papi more times than I care to remember.   Robinson Caruso style. Everybody’s pissed I didn’t hail Cashman as a genius.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t lambaste Theo for sitting on his hands at the trading deadline.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t get on Tito for leaving guys in there too long.  Everybody’s pissed I never mentioned the Sox do not have one lefty in the bullpen.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t say Robinson Cannot is the next Rod Carew.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t call out Coconut Crisp for being a lousy lead-off batter.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t give a big ole shout out to Scott Proctor, Ron Villone, Mike Myers and Kyle Farnsworth .  Everybody’s pissed I never fawned over Jeter’s clutch performances.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t call Giambi Juice a hero.  Everybody’s pissed I never complained that after Manny, there is no one in the line-up who can scare you.        Read More »

Josh Q. Public:  Raw, metaphysically bold, never followed a code.  Still dropped a load.

Public Service Announcement:  I feel like I’m walking around 10 feet tall.  XTC style.  No, not the Sox.  I know, sweeperoo.  In your face Flanders.  Blah.  Blah.  Blah.  I got bigger fish to fry.  I can now die and go to blogdom heaven.  I made it on Deadspin.  I thought I was Coolio just given the privilege to make comments on the site.  Now Mr. Will Leetch is giving the Public props.  That means something folks.  Time Magazine named Deadspin “the coolest sports website of 2006.”  Time:  “Posts are funny, irreverent, occasionally raunchy, and a departure from the usual national sports-commentator fare.”  All in all, a raucous good time for all.  It is by far, my favorite website right now.  And I made it on there.  Wanna know how? Huh?  Do ya?  You know you do?  Say please.  OK.  I sent them the Papi/Viagara ad link-up.  Oh, big deal you say.  It is.  I found it first.  Before all the other thousands of Deadspin groupies.  My shit is current.  A couple weeks ago, I also sent him a clip of himself he had not seen before.  He put it up on the site.  I did not receive my propers for that, but I am a patient man.  Patience is a virtue.  I’m virtuous.  And now I’m on Deadspin.  So you can eat my shorts.  In your face Flanders.  

Public Knowledge: 

1.  Wilbon on PTI on the Holyfield fight:  “This is a fraud and a sham and sham of a mockery.”  Where have we heard that before?  Right here folks.  C’mon, I stole that from Woody Allen fair and square.  Will you guys just cut it out?

2.  Olympic champion Marion Jones said in a statement on Monday she was “shocked” her initial drug test from a June sample was positive.  Ya, OK.  What else are you shocked about?  The earth is round?  Water’s wet?  The Public’s on Deadspin?

3.  Tick. Tick. Tick. Drew Rosenhaus, agent for “the Player,” stated his client’s hamstring injury is “serious” and criticized media members who say otherwise.  Boom Goes the Dynamite TO Countdown.  39 days.  Tick. Tick. Tick.

4.  This just in.  Ultimate Fighter, Bob “the Beast” Sapp is not Warren Sapp’s brother, cousin, nephew, uncle or red-headed stepchild.  At 6′5″ 350lbs, he’s no good either. I’ve seen him fight twice, and he’s lost both times.  He may be big stuff in Japan, but I don’t believe the hype.  Chuck D style.

5.  I hate to talk about exhibition games because they mean absolutely nothing.  Having said that, look out because Tom Terrific sure looks Brady-like.  Brady is now 18 of 24 for 173 yards in two preseason games.   He hasn’t thrown an interception despite working without his top wide receiver, holdout Deion Branch.  Roll Pats Roll.

6.  How crazy would it be if Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams go to jail, and Bonds doesn’t?  Just asking.

7.  Do you smell what the Pens are cooking?  Evgeni Malkin.  Remember that name.  He is the best hockey player not in the NHL. The second pick in the 2004 draft behind Ovechkin.  At last year’s Olympics, he was usually the best guy on the ice.  He was 18.  I don’t know all the details of the contractual stuff between the NHL and the Russian leagues, but it looks like he’ll be playing in Pittsburgh.  Malkin and Crosby.  I smell a dynasty. And don’t forget, goalie Marc-Andre Fleury was a #1 pick in 2003.  Whoa Nelly!

8.  Adam makes the Big Time.  The whole Public family is getting published.  My nephew, Adam, made the op-ed page in the Chicago Tribune yesterday.  An article about pit bulls.  My own pit mix, Pepsi, loves it.

9.  A sampling of some Emails I received after yesterday’s completion of the sweeperoo:

Big Jim Reffelt-  Monday, Bloody Monday

JT-  Looking forward to today’s column.  Tigers are swooning.  What is JT talking about?  The Big Cats just beat the poo out of the White Sox.

Ernie Mannix-  BOSTON MASSACRE III  Ha Ha.  Very original Ernie.

Theo-  You suck.  The Red Sox suck.  Go Yankees.

TW-  I was at Fenway Sunday night. Only 10% of the sox fans around me still talked with confidence about winning the game (of the Sox fans talking to me!). And that was in the 8th with a 5-3 lead. When they introduced Timlin, I heard three guys mutter “oh, fuck, here we go”. None of those guys were wearing Yankee caps. I’ve seen snails in the middle of the freeway with more confidence.  Jeter is the MVP. Hands down. he is not coming up with big hits in KC. He is doing it in Fenway. In big games. On ESPN…………….

Chompers-  Papelbon had the greatest 3 1/2 month career in MLB history.

Public-  Keep Hope Alive

10.  USA Basketball smashes Slovenia.  Sgt. Slaughter style.  I actually watched this game this morning.  Kobe would ruin this team.  Not for nothing, these guys are all like 23 years old.  I say, keep them together, with Coach K, for the 2008 Olympics. 

11.  I don’t care if this is only a Blue Jays story.  Any time a manager fights a player, the Public wants to know.  Having watched Lilly fritter away an 8-0 lead after two innings to 8-5 and with two men on and only one out, Gibbons had seen enough. Lilly wanted to stay in. Words were exchanged on the mound.  Gibbons demanded Lily give the ball up. More words exchanged.  Lilly stomps off the mound. The two meet in the stairs that lead from the dugout to the clubhouse. Boom, goes the dynamite!  News organizations report the two exchanged blows before security and the team separated the two. Both denied any punches were thrown. Floyd Landis style.  Marion Jones style. 

Public Figures:  Brought to you by the good folks at Elias Sports Bureau and ESPN the Worldwide Leader.

1.  The Bombers’ five-game sweep of the Sox was only the second five-game sweep in major-league history by a first-place team over a team that began the series in second place. The other was a five-game sweep by the New York Giants over the Reds in August 1923 at Redland Field (later renamed Crosley Field).

2.  The Spankees and Bosox combined to use 29 pitchers since Friday, one shy of the major league record for pitchers used in a series, set by the Red Sox and the Tribe in 2000 and tied by the Mets and Braves in 2002.

3.  Bobby Abreu (10 hits, 7 walks) and Manny (8 hits, 9 walks) each reached base safely 17 times in the series. No player reached base safely that many times in one series since the All American Boy, Dale Murphy had 10 hits and seven walks in a five-game series against the Dodgers in Sept. 1985.

4.  Danny Haren became the first pitcher in American League history to win a game in which he allowed at least eight runs over the first two innings in the A’s win over the Jays last night.

5.  Don’t look now.  With wins in their last three games, the Phillies are back at .500 for the first time since they had a 35-35 record on the morning of June 20. The Phillies’ low point this season was then they stood nine games under .500, most recently on the morning of July 26. Since then, the Phillies are 18-9, the third-best record in the National League, behind the Dodgers (19-5) and Mets (16-7).

Public Spectacles:

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Josh Q. Public:  He looked a lot like Che Guevara, drove a diesel van.

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  This is just brutal.  Embarrassing even.  It’s so hard to write after all of this.  But here I am.  Like Theo Epstien, “I got this.  This is when you’ve gotta go out front.”  Out front I am.  You want the particulars?  Ok.  All you need to know is Derek Jeter did it again.  Just like Friday night, when his double was probably the biggest hit of the series.  Oops, he did it again last night.  Off of Papelbon.  One of the guys I thought I could hang my hat on.  The other guy to hang your hat on, The Thrill, did his job.  But so did the Captain.  And there you have it.  5 1/2 games back.  Where does that leave us?  Wildcard baby, wildcard.  There are a lot of games left.  37 to be exact.  Sure we could catch the Yankees.  It’s been done before.  Wells wins tonight and we’re back to 4 1/2.  But maybe, just maybe, I should take a page out of Dr. Leo Marvin’s book, and start baby stepping.  What About Bob? style.  Just win baby!  Just win some ballgames and the rest will follow.  Just win some ballgames and we get into the playoffs.  Just win some more ballgames, and we get to the Series.  Just win the rest, and we’re World Champs.  Baby stepping all the way.  Baby stepping to the top.  Boomer vs. The Good Humor Man.  Take your shoes off, put your feet up, and be a Sox watcher.  Keep Hope Alive!

Public Knowledge:

1.  All right.  My mother always said if you’re going to criticize somebody, start with a compliment.  OK.  Here goes.  Joel Sherman.  Great stat in Sunday’s Coast to Coast, New York Post.  Of the 13 walks handed out by the Sox Saturday, eight of ‘em scored.  Hear that Ted Sarandis?  Eight.   Great stat.  Yankees not winning on walk offs, making a living on walks.  Great stat.  Having said all that, stop stealing from me.  It is really embarrassing.  First the whole Manny thing, now this.  In Sunday’s paper your headline is “LA is better than Mets.”  How many times have I said that?  A bunch.  I looked back here.  This is what I said:  “Dodgers win 11th straight.  These guys, not the Mets, get into the World Series.”  Now, you guys knock it off already.

2.  Talking about lousy Boston pitching, Bernie said:  “He was facing a good line up.”  He’s right.  Bash the Sox staff all you want, I do, this is a tough Yankee batting order.  Keep Hope Alive.

3.  Casualties of War.  Ponson.  Jason Johnson.  Rudy Seanez.  Here were their lines.  Ponson:  3 innings.  9 hits.  7 runs.  1 walk.  See ya.  Michael Kay style.  Johnson:  4.1 innings.  7 hits.  4 runs.  1 bomb.  2 walks.  Adios.  Seanez:  1.1 innings.  3 hits.  4 runs.  4 walks.  Sayonara.  You can’t expect to pitch like that, in games like those, and expect to stay in Major League Baseball.

4.  Good news and bad news.  First the bad.  Staten Island loses to Columbus, GA in the Little League World Series, 3-2.  Good news.  Ryoya Sato of Japan Threw a no no.  Hideo Nomo style.  How bout that?  Mel Allen style.  Staten Island lost to a walk off.  Live by the sword, die by the sword.  “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die,” style.  Staten Island plays Phoenix Tuesday.

5.  Gerry Cheevers in a beef up in Boston.  I don’t know the details.  I guess he did something stupid.  I don’t care.  I loved Cheesy.  Who didn’t.  The way he left the crease.  Just  going after guys.  Won two Cups doing it.  Cheesy had the trainer paint stitches on his mask every time he got one in the mug.  Coolest hockey mask ever.  Great playoff goalie.  Got greedy.  Took $1.4 mill.  Went to the Cleveland Crusaders.  WHA.  Came back four years later.  Never the same.  Anyway, I’m on his side.

6.  Guest writer Pedro Moreno, our man in Havana, on Big Papi:  Big Papi….!!!   Dios no se pero ese palo de David Ortiz anoche me emociono como sí hubiera sido pa ganar un juego de una final, sería pk ya yo daba casi el juego por perdío, pero… viene Big Papi al bate y…Que Paaalo… El Big Papi tenía k ser!!!  Red Sox Gooo…!!!  Thank you Pedro.

7.  Speaking of Big Papi.  He’s doing Viagara-like ads in Spanish.  Elevex.  Translated from the Spanish by Pedro Moreno.  Our man in Havana:  “There are times at bat when you can’t fail.  The same for when you are intimate.”  Touching.  Good job Papi.  Rafael Palmeiro style.

8.  Tick.  Tick.  Tick.  The Player said: “If no one knows who I am at this point, then, you don’t know me.”  Huh?  Boom Goes the Dynamite TO Countdown.  40 days.  Tick. Tick. Tick.

9.  The Josh Q. Public, Big Daddy, Fantasy Football Fiesta will be Wednesday.  The straight dope from a straight dope.  After all this Sox/Yankees nonsense.  But for now… If you hold the fourth pick, take the Edge.  Over Rudy.  Over Tiki. 

10.  Paris Hilton bit by her pet kinkajou.  I didn’t know she went out with Marv Albert.  Get it Kinky Jew, kinkajou.  Bit.  That’s funny stuff.  Funny I tell ya.  Yes!

11.  Did you see Hip Hip Your Gay grab the girl in the front row’s boobies in order to balance himself?  What a degenerate.

12.  Manny always bare hands the ball off the wall.  Always.  I hope Lastings Milledge isn’t watching.

13.  My buddy, Big Red, says the super slo mo on pitches is the best innovation in TV sports.  You can actually see the bat bending on swings.  It is incredible.  My money is still on the 1st down marker in football.  I can’t imagine watching a game without it.  We both agree the hockey thing was stupid.

14.  Bullwinkle left the game with a “tightening of the groin.”  Hahaha,  groin.

15.  DUBLIN (Reuters)  World Series of Strip Poker.  It started as an April Fool’s joke but an Irish bookmaker’s proposal to hold the world’s biggest strip poker contest will become reality next month.  Is Anna Bensen in it?

16.  Chompers own:  Former All-Star outfielder Jesse Barfield  was taken to a hospital yesterday after he suffered a head injury when he was shoved down a flight of stairs by his 18-year-old son, Jeremy.  The Barfields were getting ready for church and one thing led to another.  Dewey Oxberger style.  Barfield is known for having one of the best outfield arms of the 1980s.  Just saw this in the Houston Chronicle from August 6th:  “Barfield sons make mom and dad proud.  Josh enjoying solid rookie year, Mets pick Jeremy, a big time talent.”  Fun for the whole family.

17.  Staten Island Little League.  Lost again.  1-0 to Illinois.  Keep Hope Alive.  Staten Island plays again tonight.  Do or die against Phoenix.  Go Islanders! 

18.  I would be none too suprised if some unsuspecting Yankee catches one high and tight.  Bob Gibson style.

Public Figures:  Brought to you by the good people at Elias Sports Bureau and ESPN the Worldwide leader.

1.  Johan Santana beat the White Sox at Minnesota, improving his record to 13-0 over his last 20 starts at the Metrodome (since Aug. 6, 2005). But here’s the topper: The Twins won each of those games, becoming the first team in the modern era (since 1900) to win 20 straight home games that were started by a particular pitcher.

2.  Deadwood Halladay retired the first 16 batters he faced in the Jays’ 9-2 win at Baltimore, matching the longest such streak of his career to begin a game. Halladay is one of four American League pitchers (along with Casey Janssen, Boom Boom Beckett, and Scott Elarton) who were perfect through 5 1/3 innings of a game this season, but none of them retired the 17th batter.

3.  Chris Duncan Donuts  homered on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, becoming only the fourth player in Red Bird history with a home run in each of three straight games of a series at Wrigley Field. The others were Eddie Ainsmith (1922), Orlando Cepeda (1967) and Eli Marrero (2002).

4.  The Rocket notched the 346th win of his career as the Astros topped the Brewers at Miller Park. Almost 43 years ago (Sept. 4, 1963), Milwaukee County Stadium was the site of Warren Span’s 346th victory, a 1-0 shutout over Bob Friend and the Pirates.

5.  Trevor “Felicity” Hoffman pitched the ninth inning in his 776th game for the Padres. That broke Roy Face’s all-time record for most relief appearances with one club (775 for the Pirates from 1953 to 1968).

6.  With his PGA Championship victory, Tiger has won each of the 12 major tournaments that he led (tied or outright) heading into the final round. One reason for his success can be found on the front nine, where Tiger seems to always distance himself from his closest competition. Including Sunday’s sterling 4-under-par 32, Woods has played the first nine holes of the final round at-or-below par in 11 of his 12 major victories. The cumulative scoring by Woods on the front-nine in these tournaments is 13 under par.

Public Spectacles:

1.  Big Papi Commercial

2.  Marv Albert

3.  Stripes

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!