Call me Ishmael.  -Ernest Hemmingway

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go.  SI has the Dolphins winning the AFC East.  And, and, and winning the Super Bowl.  Are you out of your godammed minds?  I understand expectations are high.  I understand they’re much improved.  I understand Nick Saban’s a wonderful coach.  But winning the East and the Super Bowl.  That’s just a little much.  Don’t you think?  They have Culpepper.   But even before the injury, Culpepper was playing the worst football of his career.  The guy’s got the fumbles and makes some terrible choices where he throws the ball.  Drew Bledsoe style.  And not for nothing, he has a losing record for his career.   Say I give you a healthy Culpepper.  Then what? Who else?  Downtown Ronnie Brown?  Brown has never had to carry the full load before. Ever.  College or the pros.   He was back up to a pothead in the pros, and a Cadillac at Auburn.  He doesn’t have the speed to break to the outside.  I’m not sold on him.  Chris Chambers is solid, but Marty Booker and Derek Hagan?  C’mon.  Their O-line is thin, or should I say fat, and will need to play way over their heads to keep the fragile Culpepper upright.  Not to mention, Seth McKinney was just placed on the injured reserve.  They cannot stop the run.  They have a rookie in Jason Allen starting at one corner, and Giant reject Will Allen at the other.  On top of all that, Jason Taylor is in the middle of divorcing Zach Thomas’ sister Katina.  That cannot be good for team chemistry.  Two brand new coordinators.  They sign career underachievers L.J. Shelton and Big Daddy Dan Wilkinson. So forgive me if I don’t believe the hype.  Give me the Patriots and the under.            Read More »

I don’t claim to be a preacher, not paid to be a teacher.  -Public Enemy

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go.  I didn’t want it to come to this.  I never thought I’d be writing this.  But, alas, here we are.  Have I not done my part?  Was I not unwavering in the face adversity?  Have I not fought the good fight?  Was I not the Sox rock, their salvation, their defense?  Was I not unmoved?  What do I get for it?  This?  Have I not been vocal when they needed it most?  This is what they do?  This is how they handle adversity?  It’s an embarrassment.  A spit in the face, George Hearst style.  If only they only believed in themselves as much as I believed in them.             Read More »

The indisputable leader of the gang.  -Top Cat

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go.  I’m not a tennis guy.  Never have been, never will be.  I am a sports guy.  Some athletes transcend their particular sport into another realm.  These athletes make it onto my radar.  Richard Petty.  Tiger.  Hulk Hogan.  David Beckham.  Carl Lewis.  Sheryl Swoops.  Cael Sanderon. People like that there.  My first tennis memory is Booby Riggs vs.  Billie Jean King.  Not the actual match, but an Odd Couple episode.  There’s Bjon Borg.  McEnroe & Connors.  They go together.  Ilie Nastase giving the finger.  Pete Sampras.  The Williams sisters.  But the guy I like best is Andre Agassi.              Read More »

Be what you is and not what you is not. Folks that is what they is, is the happiest lot.  -Tooter Turtle

Public Service Announcement:  John Wooden, UCLA.  John Wooden, basketball genius.  John Wooden, pyramid of success.  John Wooden, four 30-0 seasons.  John Wooden,  88 consecutive wins.  John Wooden, 38 straight NCAA Tournament victories.  John Wooden, 149-2 at home in the Pauley Pavilion.  John Wooden, 19 PAC 10 Championships.  John Wooden, 10 National Championships (Seven in a row).  John Wooden, the coach I admired more than any other.  Until yesterday, that is.              Read More »

Don’t go to bed, with no price on your head, don’t do it.  -Baretta

Public service Announcement:  OK, here we go.  I was driving around Thursday.  Sports radio.  Either the Fan or ESPN Radio.  Can’t remember which.  I know it wasn’t Mike and The Mad Dog.  Anyway, the topic at hand:  Who would you rather have, Derek Jeter or Jose Reyes? A) I can’t believe I’m even writing about this.  B)  Are you guys out of your cotton pickn’ minds!?  Before I even start this rant, we all know how I feel about the Yankees, correct?  How it pains me to give them any propers whatsoever?  OK.  Having said that, are you guys out of your cotton pickn’ minds!?  How long has Reyes has been in the Big Show?  All of ten minutes?  If Jeter gets hit by a bus tomorrow, he’s in the Hall.  Ohhhh, you guys mean just right now.  Ohhhhh.  Are you out of your cotton pickn’ minds!?  In the American League MVP race it’s Papi or Jeter right?  Right?  Maybe Morneau.  Maybe.  In the National?  Pujols, Beltran or Ryan Howard, right?  Right?  Hmmm.  I don’t see Reyes’ name in there.  So, what was the question again?  Who would you rather have, an  MVP, or a very good shortstop?  Hmmm.  Are you out of your cotton pickn’ minds!?  Do you want the best player on the Yankees, or do you want the third best player on the Mets? Fourth, if Pedro is healthy.  Is that the question?  Are you out of your cotton pickn’ minds!?          Read More »

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?  -Mary Tyler Moore

Public Service Announcement:  OK, Here we go.  Try to follow.  I heard the Papi/Manny interview.  I thought, good for Papi.  Stick up for your teamamte.  That’s what you’re supposed to do.  Don’t give these guys anything.  That’s what an MVP does.  Then I thought, if Derek Jeter did that just once, once, Johnny Dangerously style, there’d be no more boos for A-Broad.  Then I thought, wait a minute, there are no more boos for A-Broad.  How did this happen?  Then I thought, simple, the Yankees are winning.  Then I thought, when you’re not on top, you need someone to blame.  You need a scapegoat.        Read More »

A day late and a dollar short.

Public Service Announcement:  Ok.  Here we go.  You all probably have Yankee/Red Sox hangovers now, but you asked for it.  You got it.  Everybody’s pissed.  Everybody’s pissed at the Public.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t take my beating like a man.  Everybody’s pissed I got caught up in my 5 minutes of fame and lost track of the task at hand.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t answer the call.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t give A-Broad and Jeter reach arounds after the five game debacle.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t cry about losing Johnny Damon.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t tear into Boom Boom Beckett.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t complain that Loretta was left stranded by Big Papi more times than I care to remember.   Robinson Caruso style. Everybody’s pissed I didn’t hail Cashman as a genius.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t lambaste Theo for sitting on his hands at the trading deadline.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t get on Tito for leaving guys in there too long.  Everybody’s pissed I never mentioned the Sox do not have one lefty in the bullpen.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t say Robinson Cannot is the next Rod Carew.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t call out Coconut Crisp for being a lousy lead-off batter.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t give a big ole shout out to Scott Proctor, Ron Villone, Mike Myers and Kyle Farnsworth .  Everybody’s pissed I never fawned over Jeter’s clutch performances.  Everybody’s pissed I didn’t call Giambi Juice a hero.  Everybody’s pissed I never complained that after Manny, there is no one in the line-up who can scare you.        Read More »

Josh Q. Public:  Raw, metaphysically bold, never followed a code.  Still dropped a load.

Public Service Announcement:  I feel like I’m walking around 10 feet tall.  XTC style.  No, not the Sox.  I know, sweeperoo.  In your face Flanders.  Blah.  Blah.  Blah.  I got bigger fish to fry.  I can now die and go to blogdom heaven.  I made it on Deadspin.  I thought I was Coolio just given the privilege to make comments on the site.  Now Mr. Will Leetch is giving the Public props.  That means something folks.  Time Magazine named Deadspin “the coolest sports website of 2006.”  Time:  “Posts are funny, irreverent, occasionally raunchy, and a departure from the usual national sports-commentator fare.”  All in all, a raucous good time for all.  It is by far, my favorite website right now.  And I made it on there.  Wanna know how? Huh?  Do ya?  You know you do?  Say please.  OK.  I sent them the Papi/Viagara ad link-up.  Oh, big deal you say.  It is.  I found it first.  Before all the other thousands of Deadspin groupies.  My shit is current.  A couple weeks ago, I also sent him a clip of himself he had not seen before.  He put it up on the site.  I did not receive my propers for that, but I am a patient man.  Patience is a virtue.  I’m virtuous.  And now I’m on Deadspin.  So you can eat my shorts.  In your face Flanders.

Public Knowledge:

1.  Wilbon on PTI on the Holyfield fight:  “This is a fraud and a sham and sham of a mockery.”  Where have we heard that before?  Right here folks.  C’mon, I stole that from Woody Allen fair and square.  Will you guys just cut it out?

2.  Olympic champion Marion Jones said in a statement on Monday she was “shocked” her initial drug test from a June sample was positive.  Ya, OK.  What else are you shocked about?  The earth is round?  Water’s wet?  The Public’s on Deadspin?

3.  Tick. Tick. Tick. Drew Rosenhaus, agent for “the Player,” stated his client’s hamstring injury is “serious” and criticized media members who say otherwise.  Boom Goes the Dynamite TO Countdown.  39 days.  Tick. Tick. Tick.

4.  This just in.  Ultimate Fighter, Bob “the Beast” Sapp is not Warren Sapp’s brother, cousin, nephew, uncle or red-headed stepchild.  At 6’5″ 350lbs, he’s no good either. I’ve seen him fight twice, and he’s lost both times.  He may be big stuff in Japan, but I don’t believe the hype.  Chuck D style.

5.  I hate to talk about exhibition games because they mean absolutely nothing.  Having said that, look out because Tom Terrific sure looks Brady-like.  Brady is now 18 of 24 for 173 yards in two preseason games.   He hasn’t thrown an interception despite working without his top wide receiver, holdout Deion Branch.  Roll Pats Roll.

6.  How crazy would it be if Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams go to jail, and Bonds doesn’t?  Just asking.

7.  Do you smell what the Pens are cooking?  Evgeni Malkin.  Remember that name.  He is the best hockey player not in the NHL. The second pick in the 2004 draft behind Ovechkin.  At last year’s Olympics, he was usually the best guy on the ice.  He was 18.  I don’t know all the details of the contractual stuff between the NHL and the Russian leagues, but it looks like he’ll be playing in Pittsburgh.  Malkin and Crosby.  I smell a dynasty. And don’t forget, goalie Marc-Andre Fleury was a #1 pick in 2003.  Whoa Nelly!

8.  Adam makes the Big Time.  The whole Public family is getting published.  My nephew, Adam, made the op-ed page in the Chicago Tribune yesterday.  An article about pit bulls.  My own pit mix, Pepsi, loves it.

9.  A sampling of some Emails I received after yesterday’s completion of the sweeperoo:

Big Jim Reffelt-  Monday, Bloody Monday

JT-  Looking forward to today’s column.  Tigers are swooning.  What is JT talking about?  The Big Cats just beat the poo out of the White Sox.

Ernie Mannix-  BOSTON MASSACRE III  Ha Ha.  Very original Ernie.

Theo-  You suck.  The Red Sox suck.  Go Yankees.

TW-  I was at Fenway Sunday night. Only 10% of the sox fans around me still talked with confidence about winning the game (of the Sox fans talking to me!). And that was in the 8th with a 5-3 lead. When they introduced Timlin, I heard three guys mutter “oh, fuck, here we go”. None of those guys were wearing Yankee caps. I’ve seen snails in the middle of the freeway with more confidence.  Jeter is the MVP. Hands down. he is not coming up with big hits in KC. He is doing it in Fenway. In big games. On ESPN…………….

Chompers-  Papelbon had the greatest 3 1/2 month career in MLB history.

Public-  Keep Hope Alive

10.  USA Basketball smashes Slovenia.  Sgt. Slaughter style.  I actually watched this game this morning.  Kobe would ruin this team.  Not for nothing, these guys are all like 23 years old.  I say, keep them together, with Coach K, for the 2008 Olympics.

11. I don’t care if this is only a Blue Jays story.  Any time a manager fights a player, the Public wants to know.  Having watched Lilly fritter away an 8-0 lead after two innings to 8-5 and with two men on and only one out, Gibbons had seen enough. Lilly wanted to stay in. Words were exchanged on the mound.  Gibbons demanded Lily give the ball up. More words exchanged.  Lilly stomps off the mound. The two meet in the stairs that lead from the dugout to the clubhouse. Boom, goes the dynamite!  News organizations report the two exchanged blows before security and the team separated the two. Both denied any punches were thrown. Floyd Landis style. Marion Jones style.

Public Figures:  Brought to you by the good folks at Elias Sports Bureau and ESPN the Worldwide Leader.

1.  The Bombers’ five-game sweep of the Sox was only the second five-game sweep in major-league history by a first-place team over a team that began the series in second place. The other was a five-game sweep by the New York Giants over the Reds in August 1923 at Redland Field (later renamed Crosley Field).

2.  The Spankees and Bosox combined to use 29 pitchers since Friday, one shy of the major league record for pitchers used in a series, set by the Red Sox and the Tribe in 2000 and tied by the Mets and Braves in 2002.

3.  Bobby Abreu (10 hits, 7 walks) and Manny (8 hits, 9 walks) each reached base safely 17 times in the series. No player reached base safely that many times in one series since the All American Boy, Dale Murphy had 10 hits and seven walks in a five-game series against the Dodgers in Sept. 1985.

4.  Danny Haren became the first pitcher in American League history to win a game in which he allowed at least eight runs over the first two innings in the A’s win over the Jays last night.

5.  Don’t look now.  With wins in their last three games, the Phillies are back at .500 for the first time since they had a 35-35 record on the morning of June 20. The Phillies’ low point this season was then they stood nine games under .500, most recently on the morning of July 26. Since then, the Phillies are 18-9, the third-best record in the National League, behind the Dodgers (19-5) and Mets (16-7).

Public Spectacles:

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

He looked a lot like Che Guevara, drove a diesel van.  -David Bowie

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  This is just brutal.  Embarrassing even.  It’s so hard to write after all of this.  But here I am.  Like Theo Epstien, “I got this.  This is when you’ve gotta go out front.”  Out front I am.  You want the particulars?  Ok.  All you need to know is Derek Jeter did it again.  Just like Friday night, when his double was probably the biggest hit of the series.  Oops, he did it again last night.  Off of Papelbon. One of the guys I thought I could hang my hat on.  The other guy to hang your hat on, The Thrill, did his job.  But so did the Captain.  And there you have it.  5 1/2 games back.  Where does that leave us?  Wildcard baby, wildcard.  There are a lot of games left.  37 to be exact.  Sure we could catch the Yankees.  It’s been done before.  Wells wins tonight and we’re back to 4 1/2.  But maybe, just maybe, I should take a page out of Dr. Leo Marvin’s book, and start baby stepping.  What About Bob? style.  Just win baby!  Just win some ballgames and the rest will follow.  Just win some ballgames and we get into the playoffs.  Just win some more ballgames, and we get to the Series.  Just win the rest, and we’re World Champs.  Baby stepping all the way.  Baby stepping to the top.  Boomer vs. The Good Humor Man. Take your shoes off, put your feet up, and be a Sox watcher.  Keep Hope Alive!            Read More »

Hold your head up high.  Stick out you chest.  You can make it.  It gets dark sometimes, but morning comes.  Keep Hope Alive.  -Jesse Jackson

Public Service Announcement:  OK, here we go!  Go ahead.  You know you want to.  I know what you’re thinking.  Is this the part where it happens?  It has to be, right?  Is this the part where he breaks?   The part where the Public becomes one of those guys.  One of those self-loathing Sox fans.  Calling the Big Show.  Getting on the Whiner Line.  Whining about this.  Whining about that.  Whining to see who’s the most pathetic.  Not on you life!  Groucho style.  Kinda.  Listen, I’m as miserable as the next guy.  But, I Keep Hope Alive.  You think I like to see my team catch an ever-loving beating like that?  At the hands of the Bombers yet?  You think I like to see Sox pitching go through the meat grinder that is the Yankee batting order like that?  No way!  But, I Keep Hope Alive.        Read More »