What Steroid Controversy?

I am, I am, I am superman, and I know what’s happening.  -REM

Public Service Announcement: Who was on the juice?  That’s what everybody wants to know.  Who was on the juice?  Well, the jig is up. Everybody was.    

You don’t believe me?  This we know: Barry Bonds testified to a grand jury that he used a clear substance and a cream given to him by a trainer who was nailed in a steroid-distribution ring.  Bonds says said he didn’t know they were steroids.  Who cares?  He was on the juice. Were the effects any less because he, “didn’t know.” 

The same goes for Gary Sheffield.  He was on the juice, wittingly or not. 

Jason Giambi was a bit more candid; he graphically described to a grand jury how he stuck all kinds of needles into his body.  His brother, Jeremy confirmed, “If you don’t know, you must’ve been in a coma for two years.”  Good looking’ out Jeremy.  Well, at least you admitted your own juicing up.

While Mark McGwire refused to “talk about the past” at the Grand Jury, he has admitted to using Andro, albeit, after an unsuspecting reporter noticed a bottle of the stuff in his locker.

Ken Caminitti and Jose Canceco seemed to blow the lid off this whole brouhaha.  Brouhaha, ha ha ha.  Both these MVP’s dimed on themselves and everybody else.  And it’s not just baseball.

James “Lights Out” Toney, Heavyweight Champion of the World, for a day or two, tested positive for steroids, lost the Belt.  

Bill Romanowski, three other Raiders, and a bunch of Panthers including a punter tested positive. 

The list goes on: Lyle Alzado, Ben Johnson, and former hockey goon Dave Morrisette to name a few.  

In 1998, the Tour de France was tarnished by a large-scale steroid scandal involving several athletes. 

Heck even John McEnroe said he took “a form of steroid of the legal kind they used to give horses until they decided it was too strong even for horses.”  

Those are just the guys we know about for sure.  A Lenny Dykstra associate, bodybuilder and convicted drug dealer from Florida, claims he injected Nails with steroids “more times than I can count.”  More times than he can count?  That has to be lot.  Dykstra took the Phillies to the world series in 1993, led the league in runs and hits, and finished second in the NL’s most valuable player voting.  Think he was doing it? 

Cy Younger and underwear guru, Jim Palmer, seems to think fellow Oriole, Brady Anderson, was juicing in 1996 when he hit 50 home runs.  “I like Brady, and it doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy because he took steroids but I’m sure he wanted to enhance his performance.” Brady came into camp that year a behemouth, all muscle.  He hit fifty dings, and then before you know it, he starts getting injured, pulling muscles his body never intended him to have, and became the same old crappy player he was when the Red Sox traded him pre 1996. 

Bret Boone, 2001?  Looked like Arnold playing the infield.  He had one of the greatest seasons by a 2nd baseman ever.  Canceco says, “I hit a double, and when I got out there to second base, I got a good look at Boone.  I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was enormous. ‘Oh, my God,’ I said to him. ‘What have you been doing?’ ‘Shhh,’ he said.  ’Don’t tell anybody.’ ” Ya, you can count on Jose to keep his mouth shut. 

Raphael Palmeiro?  His surge of power and production began in 1993.  And for some strange reason, his home run total trickled down to 23 in 2004, when they started testing for steroids.  No big shock he got caught. 

Sammy Sosa gets called before the grand jury for steroids and is caught with a corked bat. Geez, juicing with a juiced bat.  I could hit 25 doing that.

Here’s some more to chew on: 

• From 1900 to 1994, the major leagues averaged one home run per team per game only once.  Since 1995 it has happened every year.  
• In 1992 the average was .72, eight years later it had increased 62.5 percent, to 1.17. 
• From1900 to 1994, the magical barrier of 50 home runs in a season was surpassed 17 times.  Since then, it has been done 18 times.
•  Roger Maris hit 61 home runs in 1961 and his record stood for 37 years.  Players have hit 61 or more six times since 1998.  

Trainers knew about it.  Larry Starr was a major league baseball trainer for 30 seasons, 21 with the Cincinnati Reds and nine with the Florida Marlins.  One year, Starr was at the Reds’ spring training when he did a double-take. A minor leaguer walked into the clubhouse.  The last time Starr had seen him, the player was about 160 lbs soaking wet. He now was 38 pounds heavier, rippling with lean muscle.  The player told Starr that 38 pounds in three months were compliments of an anabolic steroid regimen, it didn’t surprise Starr.  It makes sense.  If a Triple-A ball player on the cusp had the option of juicing up or pumping gas for the rest of his life, and the stuff was already in the locker rooms, whats he gonna do?  

Management knew about it too.  When Caminiti got caught, his GM, Kevin Towers, said he knew about it.  He kept mum because of the team was doing so well.  Nobody likes a big mouth.  Towers was the first person in baseball management to acknowledge he knew about steroid use.

Commisioners knew about it. “I believe it, too,” says Fay Vincent, the baseball commissioner from 1989 to 1992.  “It’s hard to believe that anybody could not believe it.”  Everybody knew.  

The FBI called Major League Baseball and told them that players were on the juice.  They say they, “ alerted Major League Baseball i.e. Bud Selig’s office, that Canseco was a heavy user, along with many others, and that they should be aware of it. . .I spoke to the people in their security office”.  The FBI?  C’mon, everybody knew.  

If you listen to Canceco, even the President of the United States, ex-owner of the Texas Rangers knew. 

So, everybody did it, everybody knew about it.  So to call it a controversy doesn’t make any sense.  What controversy?  All you can do now is clean it up.  I’m not here to talk about the past.  Mark McGwire style.

Peace out homies.  Six Two and Even!

Need More? Barry Bonds,MLB,Steroids